Post # 1
Hello all 🙂 This is my first post. I was just wondering how any of you actually changed from your early 20’s to your mid to late 20’s. I’ve read lots of comments on other threads that people “changed so much” bewteen these ages but no one ever really says how. I’m 20 and FH is 22. We will be 22 and 23 when the wedding rolls around. I am a full time college student working two part-time jobs. He recently finished school and is working an entry-level job in his career field. We both live on our own and will be moving in together in the next few months. We both feel that we are very experienced and mature for our ages, but its a little worrisome that some people say they thought they were also mature and experienced for their ages but changed a lot when they got a few more years under their belts.
So what do you guys think? HOW did you change in ways that you didn’t know you would?
Post # 3
My priorities completely changed in my 20’s. In my early 20’s, I was going to grad school and completely focused on school and my career. I had a serious bf, but I would pick school over him any day.
In my mid 20’s I met my husband. After I met him, my mind completely changed. I ended up quitting my job due to health reasons, and now I’m focused on him and starting a family.
Post # 4
I was always out partying and focused on having a fabulous time. I traveled quite a bit, including a solo trip to europe, got plastic surgery, braces, that time was all about me!!!
In my late 20’s, i definitely settled down. Instead of being out at a bar meeting up with friends, I’d rather catch up at one of their houses and cook a nice meal together. Things slowed down and I enjoyed it.
I also stopped worrying about what others think of me. Who cares if someone thinks I’m lame because I want to spend my Thursday night at home watching TV instead of closing down the bar?!?! If I’m having a good time and am happy, then good for me!!
Post # 5
I guess it is hard to define exactly how you change sometimes. I think I’m more determined and focused now in my late 20s than I ever was in my early 20s (though I never really partied and concentrated a lot on school then as well). Some of my values have changed…I’m much more conscious of how my actions affect other people and the world around me. I know I don’t think the same. I guess I just feel that I’ve “grown up.” I’m in grad school, living with my FI who is 30…I guess this may not help you very much…I just feel like a very different person.
I would say be conscious of the fact that both of you can grow and change…but that doesn’t mean it has to be apart. You can grow/grow up further together as people and a couple. You just need to be cognizant of the changes. It sounds like you guys have good heads on your shoulders, even better than I did. So just keep in mind, growing doesn’t necessarily mean growing apart. Good luck!
Post # 6
I feel like with each passing year I change just a little bit. Its a maturity thing, you might not necessarily be able to pinpoint exactly HOW you changed, you just know you did. DH and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 22. We are now 24 and 27. We are soo much different now than we were back then. We are more focused on our careers and have created a home together. It is also more of a matter of how weve changed as a couple. When we were your age we had just started living together and it took a lot of time to adjust to that. Now that we have been living together for over 3.5 years, it just feels natural and things are a lot easier. We are also more respectful towards one another and feel more secure in who we are as individuals and who we are as a couple.
Post # 7
Similar to other bees my early 20s were more about me, finishing college, starting grad school and figuring out who I was. Friends were very important to me, I cared a lot about what other people thought about me and to be completely truthful I was a bit dramatic. Other’s behaviors and statements would upset me and while I was never one to have actually fights with people I spent a lot of time offended or insulted and talking about those feelings with my friends.
Throughout my 20s I became less focused on myself. I became a more confident person, I stopped being concerned with what other people think or do, and now I seldom find myself insulted by other’s words or actions (even when they are rude or innappropriate).
Additionally, my career goals, relationship priorities, and to a lesser degree who I find attractive has shifted in the last 10 years.
Post # 8
My priorities changed, I began appreciating my family more, I went through several huge life experiences that changed my mind on virtually every important social issue as well as my personal values, I gained an education that helped me to think critically, which also contributed to changes in the way I view the world. I became much more comfortable with myself – less confident, perhaps, but (hopefully!) wiser and certainly more accepting.
I have to say, probably the biggest change was becoming aware of my own mortality. When I was in my late teens and early twenties I thought I was, but when I was about 25, it fully hit me that I’m going to die – and I started thinking about it without falling back on romanticizing it like I had in the past. That completely freaked me out for several months, but in the end, it was one of the biggest factors in changing me into an adult. I still struggle with it, (I think most people do!) but I work on accepting it and living my life fully every day.
I’ve spoken to several trusted friends about it, and they all experienced something similar in their mid-twenties, which is why I’m including it here, even though it probably makes me sound completely morbid and kinda crazy.
Sorry for the novel – I just feel like I’m a completely different person than I was a decade ago and I’m not good at concisely articulating why. But, that’s me, not everyone on the planet. Some people are born adults, and some people never grow up, so ………..
Post # 9
Well I am almost 27 but I feel like I am still changing all the time. My early 20’s I had just graduated college and was living on my own and working full time. But I spent all my time with friends, going to bars, spending money on whatever I want, taking vacations, and just having a great time.
But like others said, my priorities have just shifted over the years. The boy and I own a home, we much prefer spending the weekends doing home renovations or cuddling on the couch. We focus a lot more on our future and saving money for specific things.
I just feel more settled and conifent than I did just a few years ago. I guess for me thats the biggest change.
Post # 10
For me it was a shift in priorities. I have been with my husband since I was 20. But in the beginning of our relationship we were both more selfish (our priorities were ourselves). I spent more time alone out with my girlfriends and him with his guy friends. We were together but we did a lot separately which I think was important to experience and for our growth. We partied a lot and got to experience everything that I think young people should experience.
As we aged our priorities changed and our lifestyles changed a long with it. We moved into together when we were 22, he went back to school and I started a masters degree. Then we bought a house when we were 24 and this is when we truly committed to an adult life together. Combined finances, started a budget etc. We then got engaged when we were 26 and married when we were 27.
These were all very gradual changes and we did them together; however, I don’t think we would have been able to have all of these experiences if we got married younger. There were alot of milestones that we both agreed we wanted to hit before we were married and we are both very happy with the timing of our life milestones.
But this being said everybody is different. Discuss EVERYTHING with your FI ask him what he wants out of his life now and what are his plans for the future and you do the same. Hopefully, your goals will mesh well, whether that means getting married now or waiting a few years.
Post # 11
@ Jennibridge – I definitely experienced the mortality. When i was in my early 20’s i wouldnt think twice about hopping on a plane. Now i have to pop a xanax so i dont freak myself out thinking the plane is going to fall out of the sky.
When I spoke to my doctor about it, she told me the same thing. “You arent a kid anymore. You no longer believe you are invincible!”
Post # 12
@JenniBride: wow yes! I have been struggling with this a lot lately! I am the same way that I have had a lot of nonstop thoughts about death. I think part of it has to do with the fact that weve experienced a lot of death in the past 2 years. We had 4 grandparents die within 4 months. Then our next door neighbor died completely unexpectedly only 2 months before our wedding – my husband was actually the one to find him in his house. All of that has made me more aware of death in general and my own death and it is scary! It has made me appreciate life and what I have a lot more!
Post # 13
@JenniBride: Death’s scared me since a young girl, though as i’ve got older I think i’ve accepted it a bit more. I used to scare myself about it when I was younger.
@HisMissus0908: When I was 21 I thought I was grown up but having not long come out of my 20s, I turned 30 two months ago and look back and really I still had lots of learning and growing up to do. Mid twenties were alright and I started to feel more grown up, I think this was because FI and I bought our house then. Out of the twenties my favourite was late twenties as I learnt to accept myself for who I am, didn’t worry as much so had more of a relaxed approach, generally more confident.
Post # 14
OMG, SAME HERE. One day it just occurred to me that, barring an accident that suddenly takes you, your body will eventually just QUIT WORKING. Everyone’s bodies just give out at some point and it’s just a matter of when for all of us. It made me profoundly sad, and I do find myself paranoid and scared of death much more than I used to be. I suppose it’s because now there’s people I’d actually be leaving behind- FH and our daughter. And dying scares me less for my sake, but for theirs, because they’d be left without me. It can be so sad and depressing sometimes.
Post # 15
I was an obnoxious Miami Beach socialite in my early 20s dating a doctor and running around with a bunch of rich people doing drugs and partying every weekend and it was a very self destructive and emotionally immature time in my life. It was the craziest and most dysfunctional relationship I’ve had, and I learned the most from that one.
I always knew the entire time that I was with that guy, that he wasn’t the one I was going to marry, nor did I ever imagine having kids with him. I just knew that he was a Mr. “Right Now” and I was having fun and didn’t care about anything else except for where the next VIP party was. I knew at one point that I would have to walk away from that relationship and I did just that when I was 24. I would see other women in their late 20s/early 30s who ran around with us partying and I thought they were pathetic for still doing drugs and drinking heavily and clubbing at that age with no serious boyfriend or husband and I vowed never to be like that.
So yea, I walked away from that relationship and it seemed like I did A LOT of growing up after that. Now I’m happily married and you honestly couldn’t pay me to go into a night club now. Now I just like to have dinner parties and low key things at home with my husband and our friends and I hardly drink any more (just wine) and obviously do not do drugs anymore. What I’m most proud of though about that whole thing is the fact that I knew the whole time that I wasn’t going to end up with him. Even though I was really immature, in a way, I was very self aware and being smart on the inside. I just wasn’t ready to give up that lifestyle and was having fun with it. I actually left a really sweet and amazing boyfriend to be with that jerk too. It was crazy, it was like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and I went with the devil. But I have no regrets and I had a huge wild side that was dying to get out and experience the dangerous/glamorous side of life and I obviously needed to get that out of my system and if I hadn’t made that choice, I wouldn’t have ended up where I am today, and would not have met the love of my life:)
But yea, to sum it up, that crazy relationship and leaving it was what defined my maturity and moving into a new stage in my life.
What’s strange about that relationship is a few months after I left that boyfriend, he got into a horrible car accident and killed 2 people (he was wasted). I was probably one of the last ones to talk to him before he drove that day because he called me drunk and tried to get me to meet him at his house for sex and I was like, “um no thanks” and then realized how drunk he was and started to try and convince him not to drive and he hung up on me. His trial dragged out for several years and he actually got off. I have no idea how he did, but I guess he had a good lawyer. THANK GOD I walked away when I did, otherwise I could have been in that car that day and that whole mess would have been in my life.
Post # 16
I definitely became a lot more responsible as my mid-late 20’s rolled around. Going from living with roomates to living by myself changed me a lot, all for the better. I learned to fend for myself for the first time, I actually saw how much mess 1 person can make (used to blame it on my roommates) and it made me see how important friendships are. I mean when you live by yourself, if you aren’t invited out on a Friday night.. you’re staying home alone.
Also, after working for a few years not only did I realize how to be fiscally responsible, but I learned how to be professionally responsible. As a result I interact with people differently now, my whole way of communicating has changed. And it’s not that I wasn’t political in my youth, but after paying taxes for a few years my political views have a whole different meaning because I have now really been contributing to society through taxes and volunteering.
And as far as dating, I used to date pretty much anyone who asked me out. I didn’t yet realize how important certain characteristics were to have in a partner. I also didn’t fully understand how to treat someone else with the respect they deserved in a relationship.