How did you decide how much to spend on your parents?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aeroplaneoverthesea:  I feel the same way you do. My parents are paying for almost all of the wedding, FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. We have been looking at groupon deals, we’re hoping to give me parents a weekend in Napa. We’re not sure what to do for FI’s parents – we don’t want to insult them with a significantly smaller gift, but also don’t think they should receive the same gift as my parents. 

Post # 4
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

DH’s parents got nothing because they gave nothing, nor helped with any planning/organizing/setting up. They were mere guests at our wedding so they were treated as such. They got wine, gourmet artisian chocolates and local cheeses, just like everyone else.

We had a custom piece of jewelry made for my mom to wear on the wedding day.

Post # 5
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re giving FI’s parents a custom photo book after we get our pictures back. We can’t really afford anything else. We might do one for my grandma and/or do some nice framed photos.

Post # 6
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My mom is paying for it all.

I’m thinking of buying her a Cartier Tank Francaise!   She deserves a good timepiece!

Post # 8
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@aeroplaneoverthesea:  I think you’re right, but maybe you could just say to your FI that you can’t really afford to give such a large gift to two sets of parents, and feel like you need to for your parents because they are paying for most of the wedding.

Then maybe you could propose something with a similar feeling but less expensive– for instance in my area groupon/livingsocial suggests a lot of “dates for two” deals that don’t break the bank like a whole weekend, but are still more special than a regular date night…maybe a meal at a wonderful restaurant near where FI’s dad lives, or a wine tasting for two?

Post # 9
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it is a little rude to base gifts based on what they paid. Choose a present, not a budget, as long as you can afford it.

Post # 10
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@bebero:  +1

I feel like the wedding gifts to parents are a way to aknowledge they are a special part of the day, and thanking them for everything they have done for the couple not just in regards to paying for the wedding.  FI parents offered to host a rehersal dinner, my parents are paying for everything else, but FILs raised FI and without them I wouldn’t have him.  But I may be in the minority with that feeling.

Post # 11
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@aeroplaneoverthesea:  agree.  my mom is paying for the entire wedding plus breakfast the next day.  FI’s list is 63% of the 130 guests.  FI and his mom are paying for the RD and that is about 30 people.

i am paying for her makeup and wanted to use that as her gift, i know we are not supposed to.  she isn’t very close to FI.

i want FI to contribute to a decent gift to my mom.

we haven’t talked about it yet, we will see what happens.

 

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