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Ours was kind of an involuntary destination wedding. As a same-sex couple, we had to get married in Massachusetts, which was 8 hours away from us and even further away from most of our guests. We made the best of it, though, having an intimate ceremony for immediate family and a few close friends and then a delicious luncheon afterward. (With so few guests, we could afford to splurge on food.) We then had a bigger party back home afterward.
I wanted a destination wedding for a few different reasons. I realized that my fiance and I had huge families (about 140 family members) and that I don't really enjoy being the center of attention at such a large event. I knew we would have a huge wedding if it was not a destination wedding and it dawned on me that I wouldn't enjoy that as much as a smaller ceremony. I also have a really hard time spending so much money on just a few hours (big guest list = big $). I am happier spending less money overall and more time with the people who will make it to our wedding. We also made sure that certain people would be able to attend our wedding (parents, brother, sisters, etc).
Well, when we decided it was just going to be the two of us... it was a pretty easy decision that we were going to do it somewhere else so we could enjoy our wedding. Wine country was perfect because it was laid back and gorgeous. (Plus, it was really easy to find someone who could put the whole thing together for us)
FI and I have friends and family in so many different places that no matter where we decided to have the wedding 90% of guests would have to travel.
Since people were going to have to travel anyway, we decided on Maine because the atmosphere of coastal Maine really fits with out personalities and FI spent many summers there growing up.
There really was no way for us to have a weeding where most of the guests were local, so anything we did would require a plane trip for most guests.
Prior to being engaged, my fiance and I knew that if we ever got married we wanted to have a DW. Our families were both a little hesitant about this at first, but they have now come around to it. A lot of it boiled down to the fact that we did not want to have a 300 person wedding and if we got married in California, we would have.
These are some of the reasons a DW was the right decision for us:
-Our favorite weddings have been destination weddings. We have been to 3 out of country destination weddings before, and these have been the most enjoyable because I have gotten to spend quality time with people I wouldn't normally, and spend a lot of time with the couple getting married. it has also made me travel to some really cool places that I wouldn't normally go to.
-You are eliminating people that really don't care about you. I have a long list of obligatory invites that my mom would kill me if I didn't invite. These are people that are not really a part of my life. By having a destination wedding, I can still invite them, my Mom will not kill me and she will be happy, but most likely they will not come. And if they do? They obviously care about me a whole lot more than I ever expected and it will be amazing to get to spend real quality time with them.
-We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. We are very greatful for the support we are receiving, but at the end of the day, we are paying for it ourselves and we need to do what makes us happiest.
-We are also on a pretty strict budget. Having a DW is allowing us to give our guests a lot more than we would have been able to provide if we got married in the U.S. While i know that it is not about giving them things, it makes me really happy to be able to have more than one event for the people that do come and to not worry about every single dollar like I would be if we were in the U.S.
-Most people were going to have to travel regardless. My fiance is from New York and 95% of his family lives there. I am from California and 95% of my family lives here. Our friends live all over the world. No matter what, over 50% of our guests were going to have to take a plane to get to our wedding. If they have to travel anyway, why not make it someplace incredible?
There are always going to be some disadvantages. For me, there are going to be people that I really want to be there that just won't be able to make it, and that is going to suck. But at the end of the day I think the benefits far outwiegh the negatives.
I think if you really really want to have a DW, you should at least look into it. Your family might change their tune when presented with how great it would be.
It was what was best. If we had the wedding in my hometown there would be over 500 people. My side would make about about 400 and I didn't think it was fair. If we had it in his hometown we'd have to invite EVERYONE that lived in the town, not happening. We decided on Charleston because it was still close to his family but not in the middle of no where. We were able to scale our wedding back to 100 guests and only the people that really matter will be there.
I chose a DW for a few reasons. After my father died unexpectedly last year, I just didn't want that whole traditional wedding with 500 guests. I didn't want it before he died, but I was just going along with it. A DW has always been my dream and like other bees have said I have family scattered all over the place from the U.S to Europe to the Carribbean so more than half of these people were going to have to travel anyway. FI and I have traveled a lot over the past couple of years because he is Dutch and resides in Holland and I am here in NYC so this is more meaningful and fitting for us. Our most romantic trip has been in the South of France and so it just felt right to have it there. Also, like SerenaSF mentioned I want to be able to add some extras to the wedding that would not be possible here. I plan to spoil my guests and give them a memorable experience.
Have you considered having a reception at home after the DW? I will be doing that as well as other bees on the board who have written about throwing a reception back home after they get back.
My fh and I have discussed our DW at length.
I have only ever wanted a tiny wedding with just my best of friends and closest family members in attendance. As well, I have always wanted to get married where it is warm and the atmosphere is romantic to begin with. I find that tropical weather was made for that. I just want a fun loving day, where I can wear a beautiful dress and dance under the stars with my hunny. I've sworn *always* that at my wedding, it was going to be small enough where all the guests could sit at same table and hear each other speak :)
My FH, who is an encore groom, hated all the hoop-la around his frist big church wedding. He despised the fact that he had extended family who he hadn't seen since he was an infant and that everything was so formal 'on schedule'.
So lucky, we are both on the exact same page as to what we really want out of 'our' day :)
Good luck to you and I hope you can at least get some of the key elements that are important to you incorporated into your wedding :)
Finally convinced FI to do after a DW after our original budget went from $15000 to topping $30,000 to have a traditional wedding/reception. When we finally agreed on a destination we were able to have the wedding and reception we wanted with all the bells and whistles for around 9,000
I was talking with my sweetiepie last night about it. I had brought it up before, and I mentioned that I wanted a small wedding weekend with those that love us and support us the most. I don't want a wedding that is a show, I want a celebration of us making our lives together and our family becoming one. It turns out he wanted the same thing, he just never knew how to convey it and he never thought I would want a small wedding.
We agreed on Kauai Hawaii (although the destination could change) because we have always wanted to go there, and we love the adventure of Hawaii (the hiking, the swimming, scuba diving, etc). We will have two at home receptions, one where he's from (Illinois) and one where I'm from (Missouri) for those who didn't come; we will wear our formal attire, have food, dancing, and show a slideshow of pictures or show the videography. Now to talk my mom into it since she's the one paying for the wedding.
Considering he's Belgian and I'm from the US it was gonna be a destination for someone. Since we met in Ireland we decided to have it there. Since Ireland has some constraints on marrying there we moved it to northern Ireland, which is easier. It is still frustrating since it costs his freinds a few hundered to get there and mine a few thousand. :(
Ours was a "semi-destination wedding." We live near Fort Lauderdale, and our wedding was in the Upper Keys. Most guests had about a 2-hour drive, though we did have a few from out of state (a handful of his family from OH plus a few childhood girlfriends of mine).
It was exactly what you mentioned - a weekend full of love, laughter and fun with the people who care about us the most. The two-hour drive meant guests had to stay at least overnight (most stayed the entire weekend), which kept the guest list in check - in our case, we had about 75 guests at the Friday wedding, and about 50 who stayed the entire weekend. It's true that having a DW tends to filter out the people who are just coming for the free party, and focuses on the people who matter most to you.
My advice: Even if it's not on a tropical island, can you turn your wedding into a DW by planning some activities for a full weekend? The key is to make a list of who you ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY want to be there (parents, siblings, your closest friends), and clear it with them. Anyone else who decides to come is a bonus.
The biggest benefit for me was to watch our friends and family - those who never knew each other before - become friends themselves over the course of the weekend. That wouldn't have happened during a four-hour party. On the other hand, you don't have to be on a beach to make that happen.
Good luck!
I talked to my mom about it tonight for the first time, and she laughed it off. In her opinion it would be more expensive, in my opinion it will actually be cheaper.
We haven't set an official date but we plan on having it in early early June (that's when I will be done with school) in another year or two. I want to have it far enough out that it gives guests plenty of time to save up money.
I think I will be able to convince my mom eventually, I have always been a momma's girl and she always told me she would give me what I wanted for my wedding (within a budget of course). So it will take time, but it will eventually happen...I hope.
@princs.sweetie: having a DW will definitely be cheaper than having a 300 person wedding in the states. Keep talking to her, she will warm up to it eventually, and you will be happier having the small dw that you always wanted. I think Kauai is an excellent choice!
You can look up prices for your DW and a local wedding and show your mom the prices.
Becuase the traditional wedding was just getting too expensive and I said, "HEY this is ONE day, and to pay $250 per person for 50 of my friends and their dates seemed a little ridiculous, especially considering we are only having 8 family members in attendance. We also love to travel together. And, the dress I bought for my traditional wedding was just screaming at me to take it to the beach.
i decided before i even met my FH that i wanted to get married on a beach. i thought it sounded so beautiful and romantic. lucky me, my FI is like me and not super religious and wanted a small wedding. so he easily agreed to fulfill my wedding dream. when we got engaged and told everyone, everyone was on board. now that we are a month out, some of key, important people are not coming and i am kind of sad about it. but then i remember that the rest of the really important people ARE coming and it will be amazing. plus we plan do an inexpensive AHR this summer
@PurpleUnicorn That's always the risk you take with a DW. I can totally relate to what you're saying. My sister keeps insisting she can't afford to come to my wedding even though she has 1.5 years to save up AND I offered to pay for half of her expenses. She can afford it even without my help, but is using that as a guilt trip because she has a family of 6 which I understand. The main reason why she is trying to stop me is so I don't have the wedding she didn't have. Sad but true. I just decided that the people who want to be there for me will be there and the rest can attend the AHR. You only get a first experience once and like my mom said nothing can duplicate it even if I did a vow renewal later on so do what will make you happy.
@DutchBride21: thanks, its always encouraging and makes me feel better to read stuff like that.
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I have always dreamed of having a destination wedding. Inviting all my closest family and friends, and being surrounded by the ones who love us and support us the most. I want a big wedding weekend filled with love and laughter and fun. I want to be able to share a magical wedding vacation with my loved ones. Unfortunately, no one else is on board with me so I'm not sure I will be able to have the destination wedding that I really want. (Although we are having a wedding in the middle between his family in Illinois and my family in Missouri, so I guess it's sorta a destination wedding).
How did you all decide on a destination wedding?