How did you decide to have children?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@blushpinkbride:  I wasn’t on the fence, but honestly I do feel having your own is different than being around other people’s kids. However, don’t have them if you don’t really want them. There is nothing wrong with being child free, and don’t let anyone pressure you into it.

DH and I had just let each other know earliy on in dating we wanted to be parents and agreed on how many kids. We went a TTC timeline of fall, but moved it up after we accomplish all that we wanted to (had a house, dog, and enough money). We wanted to be parents though. I pretty much despise other’s kids, but I think that has to do with the parents, not the kids themselves. DH works with kids, so his passion for them was fueled by being a teacher, so that’s why he wants to be a dad.

Post # 4
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@blushpinkbride:  I feel the same way! I can’t stand being around most kids, but again, that may be because of the parents. I also am not as opposed to having them as I once was. I am definitely still on the fence though. DH could go either way. I’m mid thirties as well so I am feeling a bit of pressure to make a decision. I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this as well.

Post # 5
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@blushpinkbride:  I’ve been pretty much on the fence for years, but my husband wants a child, so I am OK with having one.  I, like you, dislike being around other children and really do not have the patience for them.  I do think it will be different with my own.  I felt the same way about puppies, and now that I have one I am mad in love with him and very patient.  Of course, a puppy and a child is not the same.

I refuse to have a kid until I can give him/her the lifestyle i want to give him/her while maintaining our current financial status. 

Post # 6
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have always wanted children, as has my husband, so it wasn’t a hard decision.  I hope it is different with our own though, as, although i adore our many nieces and nephews, I’m glad when babysitting duties end!!  (I’m pregnant, so no backing out now!)

Being child free though isn’t neccessarily a bad thing – more disposable income, time for you as a couple, more interesting holidays.  If neither of you are keen, enjoy the benefits!

 

Post # 7
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@blushpinkbride:  I got pregnant! 😉 lol.  My husband has wanted kids for a long time now.  Me, I knew I wanted kids “some day” but have never felt I’d truly ever be ready for it.  So, basically I left it up to my husband to decide when it was time to pull the goalie.  Lucky for us, the first shot got the job done so I didn’t have time to really change my mind on him!  I’m ecstatic to be pregnant and can’t wait for our baby to arrive. I know it will be tons of hard work and I’m scared but I know it will be worth it.  

Also, it might have been a bit late for this, but I knew I was more ready then I thought I was when I was scared to take a pregnancy test because I felt like I’d be really disappointed if it was negative. 

I think for me at least, making the decision to have kids would have always been a leap of faith.  We’re prepared physically, emotionally and financially for it, the only thing holding us back were my fears and reservations which I don’t think would have ever gone away.

Post # 8
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, I got knocked up!  HAHA.

I am turning 30 next year and have always wanted a family so I figured it was an okay time, even though we were a couple months ahead of schedule. Honestly…I still feel like I’m 25 inside so I have never had baby fever like some ladies get. I am way more responsible and mature than when I was 25 but part of me still feels like I’m just too young to have kids!  So I could have waited 2 years and been perfectly happy I’d just be worried about it possibly becoming more difficult.

So I always knew we would try, it was just a matter of when.

I think it’s fine to be CBC. Honestly…often times other peopls kids annoy me and sometimes they’re great. I think the parenting has more to do with it than anything else.  If getting pregnant hadn’t worked out for us, I think I’d be disappointed but would have been okay. I don’t think children are a requirement for a satisfying life.

Post # 9
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was on the fence for a long time too.  I knew DH wanted kids, but we talked a lot about that since I wasn’t sure… we decided we would wait until we were BOTH ready, and if that happened to come after my biological clock exploded then we would look into adoption.

30 came and went, and my clock wasn’t even ticking!  After a while though, seeing DH with other kids, and knowing how much he wanted one of his own, I softened to the idea 🙂  I got PG at 31 & now we have a beautiful daughter!!  It definitely is different with your own… I, too, was really skeptical about that haha!

In a strange turn of events, I am open to the idea of having another one- and that really shocked DH!

Post # 10
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I never really wanted a child but DH did…so we compromised and agreed on one. About a year or so ago I went from being annoyed when hearing a baby cry in public to going “awwwwwwww”. That is when it really hit me that I was ready for my own.

 

Post # 11
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t have kids if you love the life you’re living now, annd you don’t actively want them! I LOVE kids. I also love vanilla cake.

That doesn’t mean that YOU have to love vanilla cake. You might just be happier with cholocate! And that’s fine.

Post # 12
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@blushpinkbride:  It doesn’t sound like you’re on the fence, it sounds like you don’t want kids and people in your life have you questioning yourself.  It’s OK to not be a kid person, and it’s OK to not want kids!  I firmly believe that it’s not for everyone.  I also think you really should WANT a baby going in, not just do it because of some thought that it’s what you’re supposed to do.

For me, it’s never been a question – I’ve always known that I want to be a mommy, and in the past year, it’s become in intense longing.  I know that’s not the case for everyone – some people are ambivalent for years and eventually decide they do, in fact, want children.  But it sounds like you know you don’t want them.

Post # 13
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I’m 28 and my soon-to-be fiance is 33.  We have discussed children.  Fortunately for me having a child is not important to him nor is it important to me.  We learned in May I have an AVM in my brainstem. I was told a pregnancy in all likelihood would be catastrophic for me.  I know we have the option of adopting a child.  He and I are on the same page about enjoying our lives as couple.  We both have great careers and just want to enjoy each other.  I do love kids and am by far the favorite Auntie!  Who could ask for more??

Post # 14
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@blushpinkbride:  I would say if you’re on the fence, don’t do it just yet! Kids are forever and ever and ever. It’s such a huge commitment that you can’t really go in half-heartedly. Though, I will say this, if you ever decide to just go for it, even feeling lukewarm about it, or if you have an oops baby, I guarantee that you will love your baby to death and you won’t miss that extra money or those vacations too much.

 

Honestly, I totally envy your situation because I’d way rather be 34 and on the fence than 25 and wanting kids SO badly already (me). 

PS. Totally agree with the PP that said that it sounds like you’re not on the fence at all. It sounds like you don’t want kids and someone has you questioning yourself!

 

Post # 15
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m almost 30 and my DH and I are almost positive that we don’t want kids.  The thing that I’m dealing with now is regret later on…will I regret it when I’m older?  I found a book, “Two Is Enough” by Laura Scott.  It’s about the childfree life and has interviews with a lot of people who have chosen to be childless by choice.  It’s provided some great insights and things to think about.  Definitely recommend to those who are on the fence about having kids.

Post # 16
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I always wanted to be a mom, so, I always wanted kids.  When I met my dh, he also wanted desperately to be a dad, it was a match made in heaven lol.  Good luck with whatever decision you make.

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