Post # 1
I just turned 26 in Feb, and I’ve been thinking about TTC…not NOW, this year, or even next year…but for the first time in my life, I’ve been thinking about it seriously. DH wants kids really badly and would take them now but he’s never pressured me to start trying, he’s basically leaving it up to me.
The thought of being pregnant and having kids literally terrifies me, I even have nightmares about pregnancy, giving birth, and being “stuck” (this is in the context of a nightmare) with having a baby. I have a dream like this once every few months. Usually what happens in the dream is I will find out I’m pregnant in an “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant” type of scenario, be rushed to the hospital, have a baby suddenly, and then the rest of the dream will feature me mourning my past life without a baby. I’m really not one of those women that gets all excited to be around kids, or to go baby crazy.
I do want 1-2 kids, preferably 2 close in age. I always felt I wanted kids and would love my own at some point even though I’m definitely not a “kid person” in general. I do see good sides to changing my life by becoming a mom, and when my SIL had her baby last fall it was my first time holding one and thinking “Maybe I really do want this someday soon”. At the same time I have a lot of fears about being a good mother, regretting having the baby (I know this sounds terrible), and the pregnancy itself (I don’t want to get into health issues but I have a serious fear of doctors and anxiety/hypochondria).
Sometimes I think I want to start trying at 28, but most of the time I find myself feeling like I really want my 20’s to myself. It kind of even feels strange typing it out because I’ve never really discussed this in detail with anyone other than my husband. I just feel like kind of a weirdo because it seems like a lot of women my age either already have kids or are wanting to have a baby, and I just don’t feel the urge to start trying at all yet. Will I naturally get the urge to breed or will I just basically have to make the decision on my own and disregard the fear?
Post # 3
Obviously, it’s completely different for everyone, but I can tell you I didn’t start getting major baby fever until I was 30. At 26, it was still, yes, I definitely want kids in the future. At some undefined point in the future. In my circle, people really didn’t start having kids on purpose until after 30 as well. For me, it was like a switch– before that, I would hold a baby and think, omg so cute, so precious, I want one at some point down the line. Then, after 30, I would practically feel my ovaries kicking me to make one 🙂
So to me, you are totally normal for your age! I think it is just different for everyone.
Post # 4
@foodnerd81: That’s reassuring to read :). I think I’m going to be one of those who waits until after 30, too.
Post # 5
I think I could’ve written a lot of this myself. DH and I both want kids but we’re pretty terrified of the massive upheaval to our newly-formed lives it would bring. Except that I’ll be 29 next month, so I’m getting to the age wear many of my similarly-aged coworkers have started having kids left and right. Fortunately most of my friends are not ready yet, so I don’t feel too much pressure.
That is until my twin sister told me she was pregnant back in November. She’s actually about to pop any minute now (…. obsessively checks phone…..nope, not yet!) LOL. So having a person that was always right in step with me suddenly ready to take the plunge, well, it’s pretty scary. (And I myself am POSITIVELY TERRIFIED of the actual delivery… like total tokophobia over here!) But if I try not too hard to think about it, I’m really excited to get to meet and hold my nephew and be someone’s aunt for real (I have 2 friends’ kids who call me aunt, but I know it will be different for my own flesh-and-blood).
I guess the point is, you’re in good company. I’ll probably want to have a talk with DH about TTC some time next year, but he doesn’t have to know that. “They” (young parents) all tell me it is worth it, and yes it is a change, but life is about change. It’s pretty ironic for me to give someone else this advice, but I would try not to worry about until you are ready to actually move forward, and the desire to have a little bundle of joy to love forever outweights the fear.
Good luck! **hugs**
Post # 6
Why don’t you wait and see how you feel at 28? I think for a lot of women, 26 is around the age a lot of us start getting the biological instincts of “gee, maybe I do want a baby” (it was for me). I’m 28 now, and we are waiting till i’m at least 30 to try. We will see where we are when that date comes! I think as long as it’s an open, honest, and healthy discussion between you and your husband, then whatever timing is fine!
Personally, i’ve gone by the philosophy of “Once you’re a mom, you’re always a mom”. My husband and I have been living it up and milking this time for all it’s worth. Lots of traveling, lots of exploring our career options, we just moved, etc. We’re doing the things you are less likely to do when you are prioritizing a kid, college, retirement, etc ahead of everything else. Babies can wait a few years!