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I ran into this as well. I moved about a year before I got engaged and lost touch with some good friends. And my FI wanted to invite every person he's ever known. My rule of thumb was if we haven't spoken to them in at least 6 months, don't invite them. So far, it's worked well for us.
There are some girls I've been friends with since I was 4. They're all getting invited because... goodness, that's a long time. Some college friends, but mostly not since we've grown apart at an alarming rate this last year. Lots of coworkers (who are my family, practically)... we're trying to keep it smaller, though. Around 150 including EVERYONE but the bridal party.
I think you have to look at it like - is this person still in my life? Are they going to be in my life in the future? It's touch to make these decisions but I think that a lot of the people you're stressing over who you haven't stayed close with are probably not expecting an invite anyway.
My FI and I sat down and made our lists, after I put them on a spreadsheet (i'm totally OCD) we went through and to narrow it down if we haven't heard from the person/couple in a year or more we took them off the list. Also since we've moved into our house we've had many bbqs, dinners, halloween parties etc and always invited all our friends, many people either come or RSVP no with a note explaining. Some just don't acknowledge our invite so our other rule was if we invited them to 3+ parties and never heard a word then they are off the list. We went from 160 to 125 which was our magic number. I don't think it's rude at all because if I reach out to someone and they don't reach back then they aren't good friends and I shouldn't have to share our special day with them.
I've been thinking about it like, "If they were getting married, would I want to go to their wedding?" If I really think about it and wouldn't really care if I did or did not get invited to their wedding, I put them on the B list.
For friends, I used the photo album rule - who are the people you'll recognize in your photos 20 yrs from now (also how I chose my bridal party). The work friends I talk to now are great for passing the time at work, but I don't see most of them as LIFE LONG the way I view some of my other friends. When I look back at my weding album, I want to recall everyone's name not just "oh yeah, that girl from accting I used to go out for ddrinks with".
All of my closest friends (and my entire bridal party) live in different states. The fact that we've been able to maintain the level of closeness we have despite the distance is a testament to our friendship. They went on the list.
Are you going to be in my life in the future? That is my test. A little distance doesn't bother me if it is someone I know I will always care about. Some friendships can survive not hearing from/seeing eachother in a while.
I chose friends that have been there for me and played a part in our lives in the past somehow in a positive way. The friends that showed up to our engagement BBQ and friends that showed up to my baby shower, those are the ones the are supportive to me and deserve the few seats we have for friends. There are some friends that I grew up with but have done some things to me that hurt and I can never let go, so I dont think its worth inviting those ones.
have a select group of girlfriends from college where it became an 'invite one, invite all' situation. i am only inviting one of my childhood friends since I don't keep in touch with many of them, she is the only one i do on a semi-regular basis. i also have a few other sorority friends who I am inviting, because I can't imagine them not being there. Then, the friends I have made since outside of college.
For us, it was important to include anyone who has been a significant part of our relationship.
For us it we wanted people who'd made a significant impact in our lives. Also, to make sure that neither FH or I were meeting a bunch of new people at our reception they have to have met both of us and spent time with us. We also capped the guest list before we started so that helped matters a lot.
we made a rule. my FH and i have to have met both of them for them to be invited. there will be NO ONE at the wedding on either side that we dont know. no random people.
and we also did the 6 months rule, that we have to had talked to them in the last six months.
I've moved around quite a bit and has amassed a good amount of friends, as has FH. We generally used the rule of just "who would we truly regret not having with us for this event." We also played "would we not be offended if X person got married and didn't invite us?" That helped us eliminate a lot of the "friends we enjoy keeping in touch with" from the "friends we would sorely miss not having in our lives." If any of that makes sense. :)
Life long indeed. There are friends who I don't talk to all the time, but they are still a part of life, where I want to know what's going in theirs and vice versa. If we still keep in touch they are invited. For those who are newer friends, I'm still trying to figure out a way to decide. But I feel like for me it comes down to whether they will be there in our lives in the future.
I am inviting all friends I see regularly and those I talk to regularly. I have tons of friends who we have been close since we were 10. As long as we talk on the phone regularly I still consider them to be a big part of my life even if I can't seem them as often.
we have this problem and i am not one to upset anybody... so we have decided that we are inviting only 10-12 friends each and they have to be people we as a couple agree upon as being a meaningful part of our life together.
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I'm having such a hard time choosing between people who are newer friends but who I see regularly and people from my past who I used to be very close to but who I don't see or speak to frequently (I moved across the country about 8 years ago). How did you decide which friends to invite?