Post # 1
I have a problem. A big one. You see, I am getting married after a fairly short engagement. About 8 months of engagement, actually. I had hoped for a 2 year engagement, so I had time to bask in just being a fiance and save money to pay for the aforementioned festivities.
So when we realized that Uncle Sam wasn’t going to allow us the priviledge of a lesiurely engagement, we jumped right in and planned our little hearts out. We decided on a small ceremony & reception, with the idea of having a big party when he gets back from his deployment, right around our 2 year anniversary. (Poetic almost, right? I know!)
Sounds great, you’re thinking, what could possibly be the matter? Stop being a whiner! The problem is…I don’t want a small wedding. If I’m going to be marrying this amazing man (and I am, d****t), then I want everyone there. Every random relative, everyone from the church who has watched us grow and helped me on my path. All our friends, everyone! My mom doesn’t seem to mind this idea, although we haven’t specifically talked about who pay for the more grandiose fiesta.
I’m also worried that I may inadverdently offend someone by leaving them off the invite list, and my family is huge. Seriously. Thanks to being a child of divorce, I have about 85-90 family guests. AHHHH!
So Bees, here is my dilemna. Should we stick to the original plan, invite only close friends and immediate family, or should we go all out, and have the amazing party that I always wanted. I need your wisdom!!
Post # 3
Do you have the money to have the big, wild party? If so, go for it. If that is what you want to do, then do it (da**it!!)
Post # 4
I’m sorry you didn’t get the long engagement you wanted but I am glad you’re able to get married before your FI is deployed!
If you can have the wedding you want – the big blowout party with EVERYONE – by all means go for it! You only get one wedding! It might be a good idea to have a convo about the finances first though, it will be really tough to get your heart set on something only to find out later you can’t really have it the way you want.
Post # 5
Is going with the "all-out" party now going to give you enough time to do everything you want? Or more importantly put you in a bad place financially?
I say go relatively small (err..smallish?) and invite people who are important to you now. Then send out a MASSIVE amount of announcement cards – tell all those random people that you got married and that they better be on the lookout for a big party in 2 years. Then you really can carefully plan the wedding (anniversary) party of your dreams.
God bless your fiance for what he does and you for being behind him!
Post # 6
Why don’t you figure out the financing first? You hinted that you might be looking at your parents to help out – be understanding if they are unable to contribute. If they can, that’s wonderfully generous and kind of them. If not, can you afford it between the two of you? Figure out your budget and then factor in what you can afford based on that. If you can afford a big party sooner than later and this is what you both want, great!
Post # 7
First. Yay! congrats! thats awesome!
Now Breathe. Step back. June is soon. So you need to figure out how much money you can spend. You have to talk to you parents, and his parents about weather they can pitch in. and once you know how mcuh you can spend THEN you start llisting guests.
Start wiht you ultimate list of everyoen you would ever want to be there, and then start cutting back until you have a number you can work with.
and if you have a budget issue, decide where its most important to spend money. You want the party. So does that mean you can make do wiht a second hand or home made dress? how about a buffett insted of a sit down dinner? instead of floral centerpieces, maybe candles? can you do without favors? See if you put thought in it you can have your big guest list, because when it comes down to it, your guests wont remember the details, they will remember the fun they had at your WEDDING!
Post # 8
Will you have the time and money to plan the ‘all out’ party? (and it will cost more since you dont have time to really research and cost compare) If not, then I suggest only inviting immediate family (that means mom, dad, sisters, brothers) and sending out announcements. Take the two years to save and plan the ginormous reception you dream about.
Post # 9
What about doing a big wedding with lots of people, but not necessarily fancy?
For me, I knew that it was important to me that I be able to invite all the people who have been a special part of my life (that’s a lot!) but we’re on a tiny budget. We still had to cut back some because of the space at our wedding location, but we’re thinking about still inviting everyone to the reception (just dessert, because that’s what we can afford).
What about doing a potluck? We were originally going to do that and it’s also what my parents did. That way you can invite as many people as you want and have enough food without breaking the bank (you’d just have to provide the main dish).
Post # 10
sounds lik eyou have your heart set on abig party and ona budget, I say just do it, you just need to be creative and not too picky, if it’s not high end
barbecue backyard parties, a big beach party, cocktail only party, a dessert and wine and beer party, a morning party, a cake only and wine and cheese afternoon party, the possibilities are endless, but this is where lots of personal favors, the community pitching in comes in, begging and borrowing and network, network, network, if this is your dream, you will have regrets , plus if you celebrate 2 years from now it is not the same! it sounds like you want a big fun party, it won’t be a formal sitdown but there are lots of ways to celebrate
thats why we’re having our honeymoon immediately
good luck let us know what you plan!
I’m the complete opposite, I always wanted a fancy church wedding, big white dress, long veil and a formal sitdown and elegant dinner and to party and dance with my friends and have fun, we did it by paring down the guestlist and just having our nearest and dearest and including a lot of my happy friends to ensure there will be dancing and still work with my budget; much as I live my relatives, I’m not superclose with my distant relatives so more room for my friends I hang out with and party with, it’ll be fun
Post # 11
I had some problems deciding who I was going to invite because I am also on a budget. I am Mexican-American and as a result I come from a huge family and it isn’t easy trying to figure out which cousins you should invite and which ones you should leave out. If it were up to me I would probably invite about 400 people but since I have to be considerate about our financial futures we have scaled it back to a little over 100. We are having our reception at a restaurant and we are DIYing a lot of things.
I had previously posted about my dilemma with inviting my half-siblings because I am not close with them at all but the hive advised me to only invite my half-siblings and their spouses and not their children. Now if they chose not to come it wasnt’ because I didnt’ invite them. The more I plan and the more I realize that although I wanted a huge wedding with everyone that has ever known me I am content with the people that will be there. I like your idea of doing a big reception after 2 years. We are actually planning on renewing our vows in 10 years and throwing a big party for all the people that we couldn’t invite before.
Good luck with all your planning. Make sure you invite the people that really have made an impact in our life not just in the past but on a constant basis.
Post # 12
We are planning our wedding, my FH & I wanted a small 45-50 person wedding. But with my mothers help, the guest count increased to 65ish. And that was getting my into a slight panic with the addition of 15 people (a lot more would have come had the wedding been in town instead of the northern most part of the state!)
If you want to have the small wedding, you can do it you just have to stick to your guns and commit to following through with it. We set our small guest list parameters by: *not inviting people we haven’t seen/had dinner with in the last yr, *Only invite those who will play a vital role in our life and our children’s lives…
The more time you give yourself to wedding plan… I think is true for me… the more out of hand it gets because there is more time to say to yourself "oh we can swing this" or "oh we can definitely add that"… when you didn’t originally intend for the ‘this’ or ‘that’ in the first place.
My friend went to Hawaii with only her sister, her BIL, the best man, and the best mans wife to get married. After ~two months they are hosting a big bash with everyone and their mother at a local restaurant. And that is how they managed to get away from a HUGE wedding reception, HUGE family dynamic issues, and saving lots of money while still celebrating their nuptials.
I think if you want to save money… go small… if you want to celebrate with EVERYONE figure out a way to accomodate both you goals of saving money and keeping it real. There are ways to do it, you just need to be creative and stick to your goal throughout the entire planning process.