How did you feel after not including a parent in planning?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am planning my wedding without any of my family. It is gut wrentching at times.

How willing is your FI to talk about what he is feeling?

What is helpful for me is letting myself breakdown with my FI just to let of steam about it.

Also, the more he talks about it the easier time he will have in identifying specific things about not having him there that are the hardest. Then you can cater your plans around that.

One thing that is particularly painful for me is that I do not particularly click with his parents. They don’t feel like family to me at all yet. So whenever people would say “you are marrying into a whole new family” I hated it because this “new family” does not feel at all the same as my “old family.”

I mentioned early on to my FI that I might like eloping. Because that way it is JUST US. No emphasis on the painful family pieces. We might do this.

He is scared of hurting his family members though, so we might go really casual and small for our wedding with little to no emphasis on any of the “family blending” focused rituals. Ex: My Fiance will probably be the one to walk me down the aisle.

Obviously this is just our particular situation

Point is: Just talk with him and see if he can’t explore his emotions a little more. He does need to be the person to have the power in how it is handled. Don’t try and “help” too much. Otherwise he might end up more hurt in the end, or feel resentful.

Good luck you two. It’ll be ok in the end no matter what that end looks like

Post # 4
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Men don’t typically want to be involved in those sorts of things. My husband and I didn’t include any family (we eloped). We didn’t want to deal with the drama of it all. 

I do feel a little bad we didn’t go the more traditional route so we could include his mom, who I think was really looking forward to it. In the end, it all worked out though.

Post # 6
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Many times father of the groom is not overly involved in wedding.

Post # 8
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t say he should be “involved” if he’s not really a part of FI’s life. However, I would give him a head’s up before he is sent an invite. Maybe something like “The wedding’s planned for July 11, I hope you can make it!” It’s a nice middle ground between trying to work with him and just coldly informing him via invite.

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