Post # 1
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Short Story: How did you handle it when someone you’ve known your whole life RSVP’s “No” to your wedding.
Long Story: There is a woman my mother grew up with through high school, she’s since gotten married and had children, at the same time as my mother, I grew up with her children as if they were my cousins. They live out of state but we’ve always made trips to see them and vice versa. I just got their RSVP and was REALLY shocked to see that they checked “regrets.”
I’m upset, depressed, angry… I feel like I deserve some kind of explanation.
I’ve heard they’re worried about the husband losing his job, but if it is a money thing my family would definitely pay for them to be here (IDK if they’d accept it but we would offer).
If it’s something else, I would like to know what. Just getting this in the mail seems blunt and … well clearly I’m upset.
What do you think, bees?
Post # 3
Aww I’m sorry that you’re upset about this, and I can totally understand why. Have you offered to help them financially? This is usually a pretty big reason as to why people can’t make weddings. Maybe try calling them up and politely offer that you’d love to have them as your guests, you simply want their presence there. Best of luck!
Post # 4
Some “No” RSVPs will sting more than others. Even though it hurts at first, trust me, it gets better. Try not to take it personally. There are MANY reasons why they may not be able to attend. If they’re worried about the husband losing his job, I think that’s a valid reason. It’s good of them to be making wise financial decisions, if that’s the case. Don’t think their response means they love you any less.
Post # 5
I admitted to my Fiance (now DH) that I was hurt and then I chose to forgive the “offenders” and move on. It’s must easier to forgive than to carry around anger. Best wishes!
Post # 6
RSVP cards are meant to say they’re coming or they’re not, so they did what they were supposed to do. They aren’t obligated to give a reason why they won’t be there. I understand you’re upset, but don’t let it ruin your wedding (or your day).
I wouldn’t straight out ask them why they aren’t coming, but you can always call and tell them you’ll miss them and ask how everything is. Maybe through the conversation, you’ll get more insight as to the reason they won’t be able to make it.
Post # 7
After awhile you stop taking it so personally.
None of my Dad’s family is coming to my wedding. Zip, Zilch, Zero. Only my Grandparents have bothered to send a gift. My own God Father simply checked off “Declines with regrets” not even a note of encouragment. (I knew it was unlikely he would come, because he lives far and has a big family, but a note would have been nice.)
A friend of my mine from college that I always had wedding and relationship chats with constantly, gave me the run around about getting her new mailing address, and when I finally got it from her, she was quick to declined my wedding. That I took pretty personally.
I’d start to just focus on who CAN attend. Sometimes people just have prior commitments. Sometimes they can’t afford to travel, they may be just as disappointed as you. That little check box can be interpreted so many ways! I wish there was a “declines because_______” Option!
You could always give them a call and reach out to them and say you hope you can get together after your honeymoon when they’re available for a visit.
Post # 8
I think you should just call them and say omg I cant believe you cant come and see if they give u a reason.
Post # 9
I haven’t sent out my invitations yet, but my aunt recently told me that my cousin probably won’t make it to my wedding because she has to work. My wedding is 9 months away and she can’t make time for it??? But hey, I just have to let it go. Sometimes people can’t make it and that sucks but just concentrate on the people who are coming to support you and your Fiance. I understand how you are feeling but unfortunately I don’t have any solution except get over it.
Post # 10
Oh dear, it’s always so hard when you find out someone you really wanted to see at an event is unable to attend, and I’m sorry you are so upset. It is so very important to remember that inviting someone does not obligate them to attend, and as close as your families are, you have to respect their decision and their privacy.
Asking why they can’t come is so very intrusive, and offering to cover their expenses is a double edged sword, insinuating that they don’t have the money, and offering to pay puts them in the awkward position of explaining that their finances are not in the best shape, or if the reason is not money related, prehaps revealing some other constraint which could be private or unpleasant that is none of your affair as well possibly declining your generosity a second time, whch is unnecessary and will only upset you and them further.
I know it’s hard, but accepting their absence from your wedding is just the way it is going to have to be, keep an ear to the ground in the family channels and see if there is any way you can assist them in making the event, but be cautious about how and what you offer, it’s important to allow people their privacy and dignity always.
Post # 11
@mchitt329: If you’re that close with her, i think it’s fair game to call and ask. Who cares about etiquette if this is so important to you? Obviously you wouldn’t be like “HEY. WHY DID YOU DECLINE?!!?”. I think that as long as you ask tactfully, it will be ok… and at least you’ll know.
Post # 12
I don’t know… I would have to ask if it was a family I was incredibly close to. As PPs mentioned, I would probably mention it in more of a “catching up” type of conversation rather than just “WHY AREN’T YOU COMING?”
I’m sorry that you’re upset, though. 🙁 I hope it all works out for the best!
Post # 13
That’s a really, really hard situation, but I try really, really hard not to take anything personally.
I also keep this in mind when a friend doesn’t invite me to their wedding. It’s not worth getting upset over.
Post # 14
@mchitt329: I’m sorry you’re upset about it, and I can understand why. But, people have priorities. You’re wedding requires travel, potentially a hotel stay, a gift, etc. It’s a lot to ask of some guests. Especially if finances are an option. And I can’t blame them for turning down an offer of money from your Mom, even if it’s for your wedding.
I know what you mean about the decline seeming “blunt” or curt. It’s not the best way to communicate (along the lines of text/email – there is no tone, no inflection). So don’t interpret it the wrong way. It is what it is, she can not attend.
Post # 15
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Thank you, ladies. All good points.
We sent out Save-The-Date Cards and most people that have RSVP’d no had told us previously they wouldn’t be able to make it, so this was a shock. We’ve travelled for graduations, birthdays, I know they’ve hit a rough patch (or think they’re about to) but just never really thought that they wouldn’t make it.
I called my mother and she said that they just cancelled on coming for Thanksgiving too.