Post # 1
We’re having an adults only wedding because my brother and his wife are really lax about supervising their children. A family BBQ came to a screeching halt this summer because one of the toddlers went missing. They just assume other adults are watching their kids at a gathering. I’m particularly nervous about the children being unsupervised at my wedding because the reception is at night in a gallery surrounded by woods and a pond. I don’t want to risk a niece being harmed/drowned/missing and I don’t want my wedding to stop in order to send out a search party every time they wander off.
My brother is obviously pretty clueless so I can’t subtly suggest that it’s an adults only event. I’ve made the rehearsal dinner super kid friendly (mobile woodfired pizza oven), backyard games and I’ve contacted a nanny acquaintance who will be available for childcare (and provide colleague recommendations if she fully books for the night). We can’t do on site childcare because the toddlers will scream for their parents if they’re in the vicinity.
So my question is (and hopefully won’t be answered with what a horrible person I am for not wanting to include children) How do I politely indicate that it’s an adults only wedding? I plan on putting the nanny’s information on my wedding website with hotel blocks so that there’s plenty of opportunity to make arrangements. I’m also comfortable with my brother digging his heels in and not attending. I’d be sad, but it’s more important to me that our savings and sacrifices don’t turn into an expensive search party for unsupervised toddlers. Is this something we put on invites? Wedding website? Word of mouth?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria
We’re doing the same thing. Unfortunately, my FI’s family gets a little crazy around alcohol, and you never know what to expect.
I’m addressing envelopes with only the people’s names who are invited and then on the RSVP card either filling out their names for them and/or including “__ seats have been reserved in your honour”
If anyone questions you on it just be honest. 🙂 And if people RSVP with their kids, you’ll have to bring it to their attention, but cross that bridge when you come to it. 🙂 Stand your ground! & Good luck!
Post # 3
My SO and I are going to an adult-only wedding next month. They labelled that the ceremony is following by an “adult-only reception,” AND there were only lines for two names on the RSVP (suggested to be for a couple).
Post # 4
We addressed the invitations directly to whoever was invited.
We were lucky that nobody RSVP’d with anyone other than the invited parties but we also made sure to mention casually at some family gatherings that we couldn’t invite kids due to capacity issues.
Post # 5
We indicated adults only by only putting the adult’s names on the invitation. An invitation is to point out who is invited, not who isn’t.
Perhaps you could do an insert about child care being available inside the invitations for families who have children. (“Please contact Mary Poppins Nanny Service at xxx-xxx-xxxx for information about childcare for the evening.”)
Post # 6
seeker: on the invitation i listed the ceremony information and then i put “Adult Only Reception to follow”
Post # 7
I’ve been to two weddings recently where kids weren’t allowed at the reception. Both of them put “Adult only reception to follow” on their invites. I think that gets the point across quite clearly.
Post # 8
seeker: I would make sure that
1 – invite is ONLY addressed to the parents
2 – on the info card say ‘as we are having an adults only event we’ve arranged a nanny service at the hotel, arrangements can be made by calling….’ – there are some who may say this is rude, I don’t see a problem with it – especially if you’re okay with the backlash that may happen.
3 – word of mouth on top of that
We had our wedding at a very similar location and had kids – but only a couple and their parents are very responsible. The venue also had pretty tight security and there was no way a toddler would have been able to get outside or into the galleries without an adult.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I know a lot of people completely ignore whomever the invite is addressed to, so I’ve been seeing a lot of people say “Adult Reception To Follow” on the invite, then include more info on the website. Something along the lines of “Venue: Beautiful winery 17th century location chevari chairs blah blah whatever. Unfortunately our reception venue is unable to accommodate guests under the age of 16 (or 18, or 21, or whatever). We will have a childcare suite at the hotel; Please refer to 555-867-5309 for more information on Napa Nannies Unlimited.” There are going to be people who pitch hissy fits, but that’s weddings for you. Just be polite but firm with anyone who tries to negotiate. Sorry your relatives are so lax with their kids! 😡
Post # 10
address the envelopes to exactly who you are invited. Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.
Post # 11
seeker: Since you stated your brother is “pretty clueless,” I suggest that you or one of your parents directly inform him about it, in a conversation. The earlier the better. Some parents think the adult only rules don’t apply to their family and if he’s that clueless, I’m sure adressing the invitation to just he and his wife definitely won’t be enough.
Post # 12
We addressed the invitations to only those who were invited (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith) and left it at that. I did put on our wedding website that the reception was adults only, but I honestly don’t think many people looked at our wedding website.
We had only one couple, DH’s cousin, write in the name of his child on their RSVP. I called up my MIL and asked her to please clarify to them (because I had never met them or I would have called them) that unfortunately, due to various factors, children were not invited. DH’s brothers have 5 kids between the two of them and they were being babysat in the hotel, so I told MIL she could offer the same to that family if they still wanted to come. They (along with the rest of that section of the family that lives in that area) changed their RSVP to “no”. Unfortunately, that will happen with adults only receptions, you just have to be prepared.
Post # 13
Our community is its own kind of monster when it comes to children at events. At the bottom of our invite we stated “NO CHILDREN PLEASE”. We had to be as blunt as possible because they don’t understand the concept of an adult reception like mot people politely write on their invites.
I cannot wait to see how many people bring their elem tears school sized families anyway (because they really don’t give a damn)
Post # 14
There are countless threads about this issue, all over the internet. It caused us a lot of drama, for both our daughters’ weddings, but they were black-tie, evening weddings, and we wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We’re no longer on speaking terms with my brother in law’s family, who have an inflated sense of entitlement, especially where their children are concerned. His wife talked to my daughter 14 months after her wedding (after not RSVPing, or even sending a congratulatory e-mail or card, in all that time), and in the conversation, lied to her twice.
Of course, they were fishing for an invitation for #2s wedding, because it was in a town with a large amusement park, that their kids wanted to visit. The drama prompted my MIL to send a nasty e-mail to the bride, because she defines a wedding as a family reunion. In the end, they didn’t get invited to the much smaller (95 guest) wedding; their kids wouldn’t have been invited anyway. We’re so happy that the drama is over and good riddance to them!
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
We just didn’t include children on the inner envelopes of the invitations. Luckily we had no pushback about it! Most of the parents were excited for a night out without the kiddos.