Post # 1
DH and I have been talking babies for a few weeks now. Long story short: I’m ready, he says he’s not. He won’t give me any reasons why… but that’s another topic for another thread. 🙂
I know it’s different for men and women. I think women more just “know” when they are ready, and men just kinda “go along with it” when they realize it’s inevitable LOL.
This has been causing a bit of tension between us lately, so I thought I’d ask the hive- how did you know when you and your partner were ready to TTC? Was it emotional? Financial? Age? A combo? I think I just need a little outside perspective on the topic.
Post # 3
I don’t think that there is a time when you are “ready”
We are planning to start TTC after the wedding. I am 28 and FI is 38 so age is the deciding factor for us.
Post # 4
It’ll be a financial+age thing for us. Emotionally, we’ll deal when we need to. We’re mature people and while we may never hit that emotional “omg we’re ready for a family” stage, we’ll approach it practically….like engineers do, haha. I think once we sit down, realize I’m pregnant, and let it sink in, we’ll get excited. Sort of getting used to the idea kind of thing. I don’t gush over babies or coo…it’ll take a mental shift. And for that shift to happen, it’ll have to be growing inside me.
Money-wise, DH needs a job. We won’t be having kids until he has a real job. It’s just not something I am comfortable doing. We can afford it on my salary, but stability-wise, it’s not ideal for us. I’m not OK if he’s not working and he’s not himself if he isn’t working in his career of choice.
Age-wise, yours truly has some female issues ticking away and DH is 27. I wanted us to have our first by the time he’s 30. I don’t really want to play russian roulette with my fertility. She’s picky as it is and I don’t want to tempt fate.
Hopefully your DH’s reasons for not wanting a baby yet are valid…i mean, i’m sure they are, but hopefully it’s more than just “eh i’m not mature enough for kids” and short lived =]. I think you BECOME a parent, you aren’t just made to be one. Well, for us anyways. DH is MUCH more comfortable with the idea of a little one after spending so much time with his niece and nephew though.
Post # 5
When the stick turned blue. Haha. My moment was when I went to the hospital to see my friend and her 4th baby. I cried all the way home ’cause I wanted a family too.
Post # 6
Age is the deciding factor for us as well, as I am 28 and he is 44. We’ll still wait about a year to start TTC, but definitely not more than that.
Honestly, unless we were to win the lotto in short order, I would never really feel financially ready for a baby, despite the fact that we’re economically comfortable.
I’d love to hear others who feel they are “ready” – or feel their bio-clock “ticking”. I don’t have any bio-clock ticking feelings yet at all, but know we need to start thinking baby after the wedding!
Post # 7
Wow – it’s really nice to hear that the age thing is a factor for a lot of you. I’m 27, and I hear the tick-tick-tick loud and clear!
@ejs: We both have good, stable jobs. We pretty much live on his salary and put 95% of my paychecks in savings. And that’s us living the lifestyle we are accustomed to. Age-wise, yeah, I feel like I’m getting to that point where I don’t want to play “russian roulette” with my fertility. I don’t have any known problems, but I’ve been on birth control since I was 15, so I won’t even know until I go off it if there even are problems. I’d rather know sooner than later!
And ironically, the only reason he’s give me is “I’m still a kid myself, and not mature enough for a baby”. Ummm… you’re 26, sweetie. Don’t you think you grew out of the “kid” phase a while ago?
It’s just frustrating, because I feel like he’s saying he felt mature enough to get married, but not mature enough to start a family.
Post # 8
Yeah we will be the same with money. I’m just not ok with it on JUST my salary yet. Especially since I’ll be the one taking more time off.
You know, i don’t think 26 is too young to pull out that card. DH is 27…just turned 27….and he says he’ll be on board in a year to TTC if everything goes ok with work. The idea of a baby right now would probably make him poo himself. You can be mature enough to get married and not quite ready for kids YET, but know in a year or so it’s a possibility. Probably because of the work thing….but still. I don’t think it’s so bad b/c of our situation.
The woman side of me wants to say, “what his issue? He’s not the one carrying it!” LOL. Sexist, I know, I know.
PS out of all of our friends in the 26-27 range, only TWO have babies. Only two. So it’s not uncommon for 26 year olds to not be TTC yet =]
Post # 9
My experience has been that men mature much later than women and most 26y/o guys I have ever known were mostly still kids. Last thing you want is to give him a baby bundle of burden if he’s not ready. Try not to worry too much about your clock, you still have plenty of time. Encourage him to do all the “20’s kid things” he wants to do soon and know that his 30’s will be more focused. Hang in there, girl!
Post # 10
We both knew we were ready when we started seeing babies everywhere, when we had never noticed them before. Husband went from absolutely not ready to completely ready in under a year.
Post # 11
I’m not talking TTC right away, but in the next 6 months or so. Probably not til after the holidays, honestly. But he still thinks that’s “too soon”!
Post # 12
i don’t know how we decided we were ready… the night after we got engaged we talked about all the “big topics” and we both just said that we wanted to try asap after the wedding. we just thought it seemed right for us. of course we made sure we’re ok financially, and as for age i could wait a few years. i just don’t want to.
Post # 13
My honey is 27, and I think he’s pretty young for taking on such big responsibility– but he feels ready. At 27 I was still unsure of what I even wanted. He always wanted to wait until he was 35, but that clearly wouldn’t work for me (already 38!)… So ultimately our decision was a combination of compromise and fate.
I think if your honey feels like you are willing to compromise and make concessions, he’s more likely to do the same 🙂
Post # 14
Honestly, my hubs flipped a switch, I don’t understand it, I’ve asked, he’s explained, I still don’t understand. Before we started dating I’d heard him say a few times he didn’t think he wanted kids, this was a concern for me so we had a few talks and he said he was open to the idea but just saw them as such a worry, as we started dating I heard him talking more and more about kids and once we got engaged and married jeesh, now I think he wants a baby right now more than I do. Honestly, I don’t understand what caused the change on his side but he has turned in to a family man. On my side, I still feel the desire to travel a bit, he’s traveled all over but I have traveled a lot in this past couple years and know it doesn’t have to stop once we have kids so I’m getting ready since I’d like to have a kid before I turn the big 3-0 and I’m 28 now.
Post # 15
My FI and I want to wait until our early 30’s (I’m 25, he’s 23). I’m not worried about fertility because I know plenty of people who’ve had their first child between the ages of 30 – 33 and 2nd chile in their mid to late 30’s. We want to enjoy our time together as husband and wife and we want a few years of that. We also want to do alot more traveling, get farther along in our careers, work on a house, etc. Also neither of us are ready to give up a good night’s sleep!
Post # 16
I will say there are some men who are very mature at 26, and others who still want to live out his 20’s. So, if your SO says he’s not ready, he’s probably really not ready yet. I would hold off on any talks of babies for awhile even if you have the urge…It might make him ‘ready’ all of a sudden.
I swear I had the baby urge years before DH but he kept putting it off saying he wanted to wait “at least two years after we got married” I was like WTH?!?!? I was already going to be 30 when we got married, so basically you want me to START having children at 32?! I stopped talking about it, but for some reason after we went on our honeymoon, he was “ready”…so we waited all of 5 months…