How did you know you were ready to become a parent?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsA2014:  We are having the same discussion.  He once said he would wait til he was 40.  A few months ago he said realistically when he is 30.  He turns 29 in July.  I am 26.  Right now is definitely not a good time.  I think for us a good time will be when we have plenty of savings to pay for the baby and its things.  Also, when I have my new job a new car.  1 1/2 years before we try is good for us.  This gives us time to save, find a new job, buy a new car or atleast have saved enough to pay for half of it cash, and I will have been at my new job for a good year or 2 before the baby is born to rack up extra PTO.   Obviously all couples are different but this will work for us. 

Post # 4
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The sands of time have made that decision for us (I’m 33 and I didn’t meet my FI until I was 31) – even so we are going to wait until Feb 2015 to try (I’ll be 34) – we need to get a few things nailed down first. My parents have told me repeatedly that if you wait until everything is perfect, you’ll never do it. We both feel ready, but also REALLY SCARED which I think is ok. 

Post # 5
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

When you just can’t stand waiting anymore, basically, lol. For me, it was when that Carter’s commercial kept making me cry, every time it was on. I was like, “Why am I forcing myself to wait when there is no dire reason for me to wait?” I think too many times we sit around thinking of all the reasons we should NOT have a baby instead of thinking of all the reasons we SHOULD. When the shoulds start to outweigh the shouldn’ts (or you just don’t care that much about the shouldn’ts anymore), go for it! Remember you’ve got at least 9 months (possibly longer) to save money and get other ducks in a row, if you want.

Post # 6
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We are waiting until we are in a financial position to have children. I need a better job with better benefits, and we need to pay off some more student debt. FI is in a PH.D. program and we do not have the income for a larger house, so we are waiting until his last year or his first year of working when we will be able to afford childcare and have good benefits. (I am 25, he is 27 now)

Post # 7
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

There were several things that were in my itinerary to accomplish:


1. Both of us finishing school (he had already graduated by the time we started dating, and I was close).

2. One or both of us having secure jobs with benefits (he ticked that one off a few years ago; I have a decent job and plan to continue working part-time -if- I become a parent).

3. Having a stable relationship. The first few years were difficult for us. The last few have been very stable and very great, so check there. Being married first was also important to us.

4. Both of us having frequent contact with young children. I watched one of my sisters-in-law wily-nily get pregnant solely because she was getting older. She was extremely jealous of anyone having contact with her kid for fear he would bond better with them/that she would look inept. She had no idea what she was getting herself into…something that was easily remedied, as there were other children in the family. She avoided them at all cost, never baby-sat, never changed a diaper, etc.

Too many people trying to conceive understand intellectually that having a kid means diaper changes, bath time, power struggles and discipline. It’s one thing to know it intellectually…another to experience it.

I’ve been baby-sitting my pseudo-nephew since he was 2, so my husband and I have had regular exposure there. I also get my paws on my nephew and niece as often as I can. I’ve tackled homework, homesickness, diapers, feedings, burps, booboos, etc., over the years. I was also a K – 12 substitute for years in the past, so I’m aware of the “I’ve got to go potty now!” routines, temper tantrums, etc.

I’ve told my husband that the next time he’s home and we’re watching the baby, he will be learning how to change diapers, give a baby a bath, feed, burp and change. I really think that practice is important. There’s a good chance I may not be feeling my best in the weeks after giving birth.

And…it’s just something that dads should know.

Emotional readiness was also important. If he hesitated, I would not be having kids with him.

5. That we are OK financially. I don’t mean rolling in dough — for many people, it’s unrealistic to save up for the kid’s entire college fund, wedding and down payment on a house before you even get pregnant. But expect that it could be a few hundred dollars a month for formula, diapers, wipes, and perhaps even more for any medical bills that aren’t completely covered by insurance.

6. Ensuring that we have a support system. One of my SILs lives several hundred miles away, and neither of them have any family in the area. It’s always an ordeal when she wants to go shopping or spend some time alone. I have been scouting out relatives who I think would be good baby-sitters, and taking note of those who concern me. It wasn’t an absolute necessity, but having a close-by support system is important.


Post # 8
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@FutureMrsA2014:  I flip back and forth between being ready or not now that I actually am pregnant, lol. It’s a vicious cycle.

That being said, for actually TTC, we knew what we wanted to accomplish before we started, but about a month or two before the time we set to start we couldn’t think of a single reason to wait. We felt ready emotionally, felt comofrtable with our living and financial situation. What was the point of waititng two more months? So we went ahead 🙂

Post # 10
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’ve been together for 8 years. We’re both 30. For us, we waited to get married once we both graduated college and got decent careers so we could afford to have the wedding and honeymoon we wanted. We also knew we wanted to buy our first home before having kids. We bought our home and got married the same week. After that, we waited to TTC in January to avoid me possibly having morning sickness during the holidays. Other than continuing to budget and save, we didn’t see a point in waiting. Also, we want 2 kids, and didn’t want to wait too long to start trying. 

Post # 11
4043 posts
Honey bee

We are both 25 and 27 (soon to be 26 and 28). We have discussed this and decided we are not ready and probably won’t be for at least 5 more years. Is there a perfect time? No. But, is there a better time than now? Yes. 

We are waiting 5 years so we can pay off all our student loans, my car payment and have half our new house paid for. Babies cost money (especially the child care part) and we would also like to have a decent amount of money saved up. Lastly, we want to go on 2-3 more trips before having a child. 

Post # 12
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@FutureMrsA2014:  To be honest I don’t think there’s a checklist that everyone can tick off and say “Okay, I did those things, I’m ready!” It really varies in each case.

For my husband and me, we knew we wanted to spend some time traveling and pay down some debt, but even once we had done those things, we didn’t really feel ready. But after a little while we just realized that we were ready to move on to the next phase of our lives together – we felt “older” than our other 20- and 30-something friends, and genuinely wanted to settle down. So even though we are still living abroad, we started TTC in November and I got pregnant in December.

I think a lot of people would say that we’re in a really BAD place to have kids right now — we have to do an international move next month, have the baby while we’re living in a 1-bedroom temporary apartment, and then move back to our house with a newborn! But we know we can make it work.

Post # 13
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Around a year after DH and I were married, we started discussing the possibility of ttc.

At that time, we were very concerned about our freedom, our sleep, our travels, etc etc…I really wanted to be independent and although I knew I wanted children someday, I wasn’t sold.

Around 6 months later, we visited DH’s sister in the hospital when she gave birth to our beloved nephew.

And we both got baby fever BAD. Usually DH got hives anytime I mentioned kids. But I saw a look in his eye when we were in the hospital room.

When we got in the car, I looked at him and said, “Let’s start trying.” And he said “OK.”

And that was that!

We had visited my SIL in the hospital for the birth of her first child a few years ago and did not feel that way at all…something just clicked for both of us this time around.

I have to say, since the summer I’ve been YEARNING for a child. It is almost like a physical need…hard to explain.

Post # 14
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My friends mum told her ” when the  only thing you think about is having a baby , then you are ready”




i kind of agree 🙂


obviously the more financially secure you are it’s less stress and in saying that we aren’t trying for baby # 2 just yet (our son is 2.5yrs old and we want to spend time as a family of but I also quit my part time job 3 months ago so u want to get another job so we can have more savings :)) 


Post # 15
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ready? I don’t know that I am yet…being a parent still scares the pants off of me. But I think that’s what this 9 month incubation period’s all about, at least it doesn’t hurt!

My husband was ready since we were married. He’s totally natural with kids and loves being around them and will be a wonderful dad. He’s also really relaxed about things and preparation and all that. I needed us to wait until he was at least done school (he’s switching careers), which was in December, but by the time summer rolled around I had baby fever so badly that we decided to start trying right after my sister’s wedding in October. We found out we were pregnant in the beginning of December, and I’m still getting used to the idea. 

I’m 30, he’s 28. 

Post # 16
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We should have “more money, live our lives more, travel more, enjoy us time more, buy a house, get our careers more settled” and all the rest of it. But you know what, we’re happy with what we’ve done with our life so far, we have a plan of how we want to achieve all of these things, and realistically, for us, having children now is the best option. We’re “not ready” by plenty of peoples standards, but our children will never go without, they will never feel secondary and they will always be loved and have a happy and satisfying life. We decided we were ready because we can make it work and we want it really bad, we’ll make great parents and the rest will fall into place as it happens. 


We’re young, 22 and 24, so we’re in no rush…..but now feels like our time. 

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