How did you know you were ready to get married

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We had been living together for 5 years. We started a business together. We were pretty darn content and confident in our relationship. People kept asking why we weren’t married yet. We didn’t really think a wedding should make people take us more seriously, we were already serious about eachother but the more time we spent on the business and the older my nephews got, I realized how special it would be to vow our love to one another infront of all the people who matter to us.

My grandmother did the honor of officiating our wedding. It was so important to have her blessing. She is a very dear lady to me and I am glad she was part of our day.

Post # 4
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

commenting so I can follow! 

Post # 5
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

When I was about 20 I went to my cousin’s wedding and was thoroughly overwhelmed by the Priest’s homily regarding the sanctity and seriousness of marriage. At the reception, I told my cousin who had been married about a year how that had made me feel like I would NEVER fulfill all the requirements the Priest had laid out; basically that you needed to know, beyond a doubt, that nothing would ever happen to make you want to leave that person. I don’t think with my cautious personality I could EVER promise that 100%; people change. What if I found out my SO had murdered someone? What if he started beating me? Those are unpredictable things that would definitely make me second guess remaining married. When I asked my cousin how she knew her husband was the person she wanted to marry, she gave me a really honest answer. She said they’d been together for about 5 years, living together for about 3, and that after all that time they were still happy and in love. She basically said it was a leap of faith; she didn’t know what the future held, and she knew that if any really unpredictable circumstances came about that divorce was an option, but that they’d both entered into the marriage believing they were the best partner for one another and that it would work. It wasn’t that she woke up one day and knew; they’d worked towards the decision together after lots of thought and discussion, but even so she couldn’t tell me that nothing would ever happen that could tear them apart. Life can be cruel.

I don’t know that this answer made me feel better, per se (I’d have loved for her to tell me that when you know, you know 100% beyond a doubt that nothing will ever tear you apart), but I think she gave me a mature answer that helped me understand with my personality how two people decide to get married. I’m a cautious sort of person; I always go through the “what ifs” and I definitely see things in shades of grey. I don’t think she was saying that she sees divorce as an easy way out, but she was pointing out that it exists for those crazy unpredictable changes; someone turns out to be a serial killer or they begin physically abusing you 10 years down the road. 

Not sure if this is helpful or not, but it was a perspective that helped me think about  choosing to marry someone in a different way. Kind of like an active ongoing choice to be together, as opposed to waking up one day and knowing beyond a doubt this is the person you are meant to marry and it just passively happening to you. Not to say you should force the decision if things aren’t working out well, but I think getting married in this day and age when so many couples split up or marry for the wrong reasons does require trust and a bit of a leap of faith. 

Post # 6
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MadameX:  this is what SO and I discussed, it’s a leap of faith. He asked me how you’re supposed to “know.” Mostly because he has this one friend (married) that he talks to and is like “you just know,” but, like, my SO is much more cautious. I told him that even while I feel like I know he’s the one for me, I don’t really KNOW what will happen in the future. Even for me it’s a leap of faith. I’m just going into this with the thought that I love him, want to spend my life with him, and we will deal with whatever life throws at us together. I think that made him feel better, because not having that 100% certainty about the future was throwing him off.

Post # 7
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@pineapplez17:  I think there must be people out there who just “know” beyond a doubt, but I don’t think that is everybody’s personality! I had that experience in knowing that my relationship with my current SO was different; a few months in I realized this relationship was going to be my forever relationship. That being said, relationships don’t happen in a vacuum; there are a ton of ways a “perfect” relationship can be broken. So, even though I had that “aha!” moment in my current relationship and know beyond a doubt my SO is the one I want to make it work with… you never can say what the future will bring. Haha, maybe this is pessimistic? I think I’m just a realist. I think the Happily Ever After myth isn’t helping anyone, it’s just setting up unrealistic expectations. What’s wrong with reaching a mature decision without the fairy tale razzle dazzle?

Post # 8
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I knew I was ready on a personal level, when I realized I was willing to accomodate someone else other than myself. And I could feel I was ready to be flexible and do the work and effort required to be in a healthy, adult relationship.

I knew I was ready on a level with FI when he started talking about living together and I didn’t freak out. And that no matter how annoyed I get with him…even if it lasts for days…I look at him and think he’s precious. And I thank the Universe for him daily. I just adore him as a person. And I inherently know there will always be a solution for us.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I knew I was ready to get married when leaving was off the table.  My now-FI had talked about the possibility of being transfered to a city 24 hours away (northern Ontario), and I realized that if that happened, that I would go with him and find a new job because us not being together was not an option.  Even though it didn’t happen, realizing our level of committment made me sure that we were ready to get married.

Post # 10
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MadameX:  Well I feel like I know beyond a doubt, but at the same time, I can’t predict the future! Even those of us who “know” don’t really know what will happen in the future, but that doesn’t stop us from pursuing what we feel is right! I do have a practical side, so I totally get the leap of faith, and how not everyone can just “know” in the same way. But you’re right, everyone is different and their thoughts on this vary. I will say it is tricky being in a relationship where one of us is the “knowing” type and the other is totally “leap of faith”…certainly made moving forward take a lot longer than it might have otherwise. But in a way it almost means more to know that he wants to take that leap with me 🙂

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