(Closed) How did you know you were ready to TTC? And how do you know if you're NOT?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

For me, and were NOT TTC yet (but I’m going to answer this as if we are because our whole reason for not right now is that we’re literally living in a war zone so I’m guessing that’s not applicable to you.) 

I’ve had baby fever for years, but we really only felt ready recently. For us there is a career factor where we have some career uncertainty, but we always will – it’s the nature of our professions, but I’m working to try to minimize it. Also our marriage is super strong now. We’ve dealt with challenges and are really in an amazing place. 

So I decided to take out Mirena last month and we are TTA using fam. Well, the condom broke one of the first times we used one. And rather than panic attacks we both kind of smiled and shrugged. It was not the reaction I expected from either if us, but it really drove home that were ready… At least as much as we can be emotionally.

Post # 4
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t post on the previous thread, kind of knew it was going to be a mess when I read the title. But I think I get where you are coming from. My Darling Husband and I are very financially stable, our lifestyle is condusive to kids (we don’t party, we live close to family, and we have friends with kids at various ages), we have a plan for when (if) the baby comes-i.e. childcare and where we will live, etc. We also have very active fulfilling lives, we both volunteer, are active in our country club, have hobbies and interests both together and independently and are happy. We currently have happy lives and a wonderful and strong marriage.

We want children because 1) to us, it would complete our lives and marriage. 2) we realize what a challenge it is and welcome it. 3) we feel we have a great family and life to offer children.

We want children now because 1) we are financially ready and have been financially stable for several years. 2) I’m 31, my Darling Husband is 30-I already know that if I can’t get pregnant the old fashioned way, there is a limit to the amount of interventions I would accept, so if it doesn’t happen we would adopt, from what I hear, they prefer young couples.

In my opinion, there really is never a great time to drastically change your life, even for the better. Having a child will change everything, your lifestyle, your financial situation, your marriage, your friendships, your body, etc. It is scary and duanting! One day we looked at each other and agreed that we were ready for the challenge and we were 1000% totally in this together.

To answer your other question, last year, we weren’t ready to TTC because simply, we were enjoying our very fulfilling lives too much and recognized we were too selfish in not wanting to give it up still. Maybe we were slightly too childish ourselves.

I hope that actually answers your question, but feel free to ask any follow up questions, I’ll check back in later.

Post # 5
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsTidwinkle: Glad you closed your other post, first of all. I was hoping you’d get betters answers, and this is very well worded πŸ™‚

We don’t plan on TTC until later summer/fall. We know we are ready because we just feel at that point in our marriage where a child would complete the family we are looking for. We are also financially and emotionally ready for one, and we don’t really have any bucket list items that we are antsy to complete before a baby.

The reason we are waiting is because, while it may be comfortable for some, neither of us thought it would be fair to have a child while living in an apt, so we want to wait until we get a house (which will be on the 20th of this month). I also want to get a dog either before or while TTC.

Even with being financially stable and feeling ready for child I don’t think you are ever truly ready. I really want one of my own, but that doesn’t mean I get all giggly and cutesy when I’m around other people’s babies. I just know, in my heart, that I will make a good mom someday πŸ™‚


Post # 6
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yeah, I feel similarly. I’ve NEVER had any kind of urge to have children. It’s odd because even when I was a kid, I’d say I didn’t like children, lol! I remember the nuns in my elementary school telling me “don’t be ridiculous” and when I said I didn’t want children “You’re being silly”, well, guess what, I STILL don’t want children. I’m totally ambivalent about it. I’m financially stable, own my own home (bought it before I got married), but just can’t imagine a) being pregnant or b) a lifestyle change.

Post # 7
1138 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We knew we wanted kids; the question was when (which sounds like might be the situation you’re in). The question I asked myself, once we were married, was this: 

1) Would you rather be pregnant NOW or NEVER? 

Obviously pregnancy isn’t a now or never situation, but after learning of many many wonderful couples we knew who had tried for a long time to get pregnant (one for about 6 months, one for 2 years, one for 4 years and counting) I knew we couldn’t take it for granted that as soon as we started trying, we’d be pregnant. And I knew since before we were engaged that we wanted to have kids one day. So I thought it was time to get started, that way if it took a long time, we would know that we didn’t “waste” any time once we were married. 

This is so incredibly personal, though. You will know when you know πŸ™‚

Post # 8
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I totally see what you are saying!  I didn’t see the other thread but I can only imagine how it “could” go.  

Darling Husband and I have a slightly different situation.  I’m 31, almost 32, and he is 30.  I/we have an 11 year old, almost 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship (I say we because she has known him since she was 5, calls him dad, and knows no other father – we are working on making it permanent via adoption!!).  

We have been TTA since the beginning.  We’ve been married for almost 2 years (June!) and initially we were TTA for 2 reasons:  1) we wanted to buy a house (check!), 2) we wanted to settle into our new life as a new family and let our daughter adjust to having a full time perm dad in her life (which is still and adjustment, but we are doing fine).

Our reasons for NOT TTC right now is that we both want our additional children to have a mom home 24/7 and financially we are not there yet…we are close, we could probably do it if we needed to, but it would be very tight.  DH is almost to that magic number that makes things much much easier for me to stay home.  

With that said, we WANT to begin TTC because emotionally we are ready.  DD is ready to be a big sister (dying to be) and the topic turns to our future kids all the time.  

We haven’t set a date yet to begin TTC but I think tentatively we are looking at late summer for a few reasons.  We have a big Disney trip planned for the end of June and I have no desire to be pregnant in June in Disney.  Also, we have our big family trip to the beach at the end of July too and if I’m not drinking wine, people will know immediately we are pregnant.  

If you feel like you are ok with getting pregnant, maybe just let things go without actively TTC; not trying but not preventing. 

Post # 9
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@hippomama:  I totally agree!  And the one thing I’m scared of is having trouble getting pregnant – especially being almost 32.  

Post # 10
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in the same boat as you.  Darling Husband will be 30 this year; and, I will be 29.  I don’t have any answers for you since I don’t have any answers for myself either.  Darling Husband and I just picked an arbitrary time frame (2 years from now) of when we will TTC.  It should give us time to enjoy newlywedom and to buy a house and settle in it. 

I hope you get more answers but I’m curious to see what others say as well.

Post # 11
2894 posts
Sugar bee

I know I’m not ready to TTC right now. 

I’ve thought about children, and I’ve decided it’s something I want in the future. So much so that we’ve come to an agreement for when we’ll start trying. But that time isn’t today. How do I know? I think about the idea of having a kid, right this very second and how it would affect my life, I come to the very quick conclusion that I’m not ready at this point. I’m still in the “enjoying my life” stage. My career is in an excellent place. We’ve paid off a bunch of DH’s old debt so it’s freed up a lot of play money so we’re building our savings, retirement, and finally making it to Europe. We want to make 1 more international trip after that. Point is – there are still things we want for ourselves and they’re not necessarily child friendly, or having a child would financially prevent us from having those experiences.

Darling Husband is more than ready. But he’s turning 32 this month. He’s had his free time. I’m just turning 26 and I have a little flight left in me which is why we’re waiting a year or so. I’ve had too many friends get that burning baby urge, pop out kids, and spend years talking about all the things they wish they could have done. And I don’t want to be that person. I’ve never had any “overwhelming urges” but I know I want kids…one day. And even when we start trying I’m pretty sure I won’t have any overwhelming urges. I’m just not that type of person. I’ll make a choice that is right for me and us and I’ll be zero-regrets happy – but I will never have “baby fever.” 

Good luck! I know you’ll be able to figure things out. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Taghkanic State Park

I was originally going to say if you’re not sure than maybe you aren’t ready, but at 29 I think if you definitely want kids eventually it’s something to at least start considering. If you want to wait you should really consider how long because you have a much better (and safer) chance if you have kids before 35. Healthwise you are at a great age to concieve.

Of course you shouldn’t have kids just for the sake of having kids, if it feels like you’re trying to hard to force something that you aren’t ready for, you probably are just going to stress yourself out which will make it harder. Everyone likes their independence and it will be hard giving that up and starting a new chapter in your life. But honestly, to me, if the idea of having kids someday makes you happy and if you’re already daydreaming about having kids pretty often it seems like you’re ready… 

I also agree with PPs who said to maybe not start actively TTC but be just open to it. I’d definitely get rid of any method of birth control and keep taking the prenatal vitamins, but don’t make yourself crazy with charting just try to have a general idea of when you ovulate. Then just relax, have fun with your hubby and see what happens. That way if you get pregnant that’s great! If you don’t maybe in a year or two then you can start trying more actively.

Post # 13
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We both knew that we wanted to start a family and we had a strong desire not to be too old when we had kids (we’re 30 and 32 right now). I also wanted to be sure that we were done having kids by 35 since having kids after that date significantly increases your chances of the child having a medical issue. So these are the logical reasons why we are starting to TTC in the summer (we’d start now but I have a crown that I need to get and need a lot of X-rays for it so being pregnant for that is a big hassle).

Now for the emotional readiness: As time went on, I would get stronger and stronger baby fever. Last year, one of my closest friends got pregnant and it was kind of a wake up moment for me. I realized that I wasn’t completely ready but as the year went on, I felt more and more drawn to the idea of having a baby. This has only been solidified the more Darling Husband and I talk about it. Now having a baby is really all I want. For me, it was gradual but as time went on, I just couldn’t imagine waiting any longer.

Post # 14
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I posted a thread on this a few months ago and got amazing advice from people – the gist of it was, for many women, you will never truly be ready.  And thats ok, because for a lot of women, you cant imagine changing your wonderful care free life, but when you become a mom, you cant imagine it ever not being that way.. That resonated with me, because i am not the type of person that will ever have serious baby fever or anything, but i also think id regret never having kids.  

I think what swayed me to start earlier was dh’s insatiable baby fever plus the idea that my parents are getting older and i cant imagine waiting so long that my kids never had the chance to really know them… That would make me really sad, because they are amazing parents and will be wonderful grandparents.

I was not ready at all when i didnt feel confident in the place im at in my career to know that having a baby wouldnt be a setback.  My career is really important to me.  

The topic ‘How did you know you were ready to TTC? And how do you know if you're NOT?’ is closed to new replies.

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