Post # 1
I had an interesting week with regards to babies and I thought I would get some input/thoughts from you. No, I am not TTC but somewhere down the line it is a possibility (just to be clear).
On Monday we found out that my BIL and SIL are going to have another boy around Thanksgiving. They have one child and he is quite the handful, adorable but crazy. As we were all sitting around discussing the reveal of it being a boy my Mother-In-Law was mentioning that my Darling Husband had said we would be having children in about three years or so. That would make me about 32 or so when our first child was born, totally reasonable right? Instead of saying maybe or we’ll see the first words out of my mouth were “um no, make that at least five.”
As I sat there thinking about what I said and what had transpired I realized that even the thought of having children in five years absolutely terrifies me. Yes I love children, but I love our life and our freedom as it stands. I did agree with my Darling Husband that we would try to have our first child by the time I was 33 (ish) but even that feels too soon (I just turned 29).
My best friend is TTC and she so desperately wants a child with her new Darling Husband. They both are beyond ready to have a baby together and I for the life of me cannot understand being SO sure of the decision.
So I must ask all of you ladies that are TTC or planning on TTC in the near future…how do you/did you know it was time and that you really 100% wanted to have a baby?
ADD: ANd for those that aren’t TTC to concieve right now what are your reasons? When do you think you will be ready and why?
Post # 3
Wow, you sound exactly like me. I just turned 30.
As we thought about it we couldnt see ourselves without a child as we were older, but we also couldnt see ourselves raising an infant. Its a strange feeling.
We finally decided we would TTC towards the end of this year beginning of next based on some timing things with work/relocation and now that we made that hard decision I am starting to get baby fever a little bit. In a strange way we decided we would TTC because its almost a feeling of “how can we not have a kid”, but now we are excited. It was just the commitment of the decision that was the hardest part for us.
I am still not baby-crazy and probably never will be, at least the way some of my friends are/were. I was never that girl who dreamed of growing up to be a mom, but I know I will enjoy being a mom once I am in that role.
We also love our lives as it is, but I think of the fun holidays I had as a kid and of the family gatherings and I want the same for my kid and for us. I want an adult friendship like I have with my mom.
I am confident we will be the kinds of parents that still take weekends away for ourselves and date nights etc. Its the kind of people we are so I dont feel like I would be giving up our lives to bring another life into it.
Post # 4
Well I wasn’t TTC when I found out I was pregnant but we were literally months away from actively trying. We always knew we wanted to have kids and everytime I started to think about it actually happening I would quietly freak out. I wasn’t quite ready to give up our freedom of sleeping in on saturdays or picking up and going to the beach for the weekend. For me, wanting to try, started when I thought about my family dynamic growing up and how close i was to my siblings and cousins..I wanted my children to grow up with close cousins. My sister has a 2 year old, My SIL has 5 and 3 year old and my other SIL has a 1 year old. Not only that but I wanted to go through the experience with my sister (she is 9 years older than me) as well as my SIL’s if i could. I also knew that i wanted to have kids young enough that when i’m in my 50’s they will be grown and out of the house. My Mother-In-Law is 53 and has an 8 year old…i knew i didn’t want that but i knew i wanted kids.
My husband and I talked about it when we first got married- we put a timeline of at least a year before we would start trying. Well that year came and went and we werent quite ready to jump the gun and do it. After some discussion we both said we want to have one last big blowout summer and then we would start trying. We booked a week to a tropical island with another couple friend and decided that when we got back we would not take precautions and see what happened. Well I found out we were expecting about a month before our trip. oops!. I’m so excited about this baby even though it put a damper on my all inclusive vacation! haha and my summer, while has not been the blowout i expected, has still been great!
I’ve also come to the conclusion that one baby may change our sleeping habits but it wont affect our life all that much….We can still pick up and go on trips (just takes a lot more packing!) and we can have our parents babysit while we enjoy a night out. Overall its going to make our lives more full and we will get to enjoy it with a little baby we made together! that makes it worthwhile to me.
My advice..plan some last hoorahs and then just go at it…don’t worry too much about geting pregnant or not getting pregnant, just don’t take the precautions to prevent and just see what happens.
even though i wasn’t 100% before, i’m 100% now and its really exciting! scary too! but exciting!
Post # 5
I have always wanted to be a mommy and felt very maternal so after meeting Darling Husband and knowing he was the one for me and that he will be a great dad, it just feels like the right thing! We have been together over 7 years and married for almost a year and are financially ready now. I always feel extra broody around babies & kids and feel it is what I was meant to do. I have no strong career motivations – I work and bring in a fair wage but I’m not driven by that. Having a family just seems like the natural thing for us now.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
I knew it was time for us to start… when I realised that the thought of NOT being a mum was more frightening than waiting. We actually started trying before our wedding, since I already knew I had a PCOS diagnosis that would make getting pregnant hard, and it was the best decision we could have made – since here we are, 18 months later, and still no BFP. 🙁
Post # 7
When Darling Husband & I married ( last October) we had the baby discussion. He has MS and 3 years before was told that it was possible that he wouldn’t be able to have kids due to his medication. So we decided to start trying asap in case we need to seek out alternative options. 2 days after we got back from our honeymoon I found out I was pregnant. I started balling lol. I was happy but I really thought it was going to take longer and was looking forward to a few months of just being husband and wife. When I was 8 weeks along we miscarried. That experience made us realize that we really didn’t want to wait so after sitting out one cycle we were pregnant the next month.
Post # 8
Its all due to my Darling Husband. I’m the eldest of 7 and was always on the fence about having children. My mother babysat until I was a teenager, so you can imagine the # of children in our household @ one time:) Around 38, I decided that I was ready for marriage. 2 years later, I met my husband. A year after that, we were married. And now we are trying to expand our family. I would’ve never thunk @ 42 I would be trying to have my first child.LOL This was not where I expected to be @ 42 but I’m thrilled to be on this rollercoaster w/ my best friend:)
Post # 9
Well, I’ll weigh in with my reasons for not wanting to TTC yet:
- I can’t see raising children where we currently live, so I’d like to move out of this house/town (and possibly state)
- We have some credit card debt we want to pay off before doing something as expensive as having a baby!
- I’d love to travel a bit, as I’ve only been out of the country once in my life
Unfortunately, I think working on the debt is the only thing we can feasibly do before having a kid. The other things, I will just have to deal with because we’re 29 and 30 and don’t want to wait too long to get started.
I’m coming to the realization that I will never be baby crazy and I will never actually feel ready to be a mom. Eventually I need to just let go of my need to over-plan and let it happen.
Post # 10
We didn’t know that we were 100% ready, but also knew that with PCOS, we didn’t want to regret waiting. We left it in God’s hands, and got our BFP about 5 months later. Both of us occasionally panic about not being ready, but we’ll figure it out.
Post # 11
I feel the same way. I love children, but I just am not sure bringing them into the world right now is the best idea. I love life so much and there are so many things I need to do, let alone desire to do, first. We are similar- I am 28 and am not planning to think about it until at least 32. I just feel like I have enough on my plate.
Post # 12
@iheartnerds: I’m coming to the realization that I will never be baby crazy and I will never actually feel ready to be a mom. Eventually I need to just let go of my need to over-plan and let it happen.
Very well said. I think I will have to come to the same conclusion. Perhaps some of us just don’t have the over the top reaction of we MUST have baby which is often interpreted as we don’t like children (sad but true). I would equate it to the whole finding THE dress moment. I didn’t have an overly emotional reaction like some have so perhaps some of us are more reserved when it comes to things that should or are otherwise emotional and obvious to some.
Post # 13
FH and I are planning to TTC after our wedding in September. We’ll be 28 and 30.
I think what convinced me personally that I’m ready was that several close friends have given birth recently. My biggest fear has always been the thought of labor and delivery. But, to see my friends go through it, and survive, I realized I could probably do it too.
And, to see them with their kids now, there’s always a pang of jealousy that they’re getting to experience motherhood. To me, that was a huge sign that I’m mentally ready for it.
ETA: My older sister is the opposite of me, though. She’s never wanted children. She’s great with kids, just doesn’t want them for herself. It definitely depends on the individual.
Post # 14
@Mrs.DBee: My biggest fear has always been the thought of labor and delivery. But, to see my friends go through it, and survive, I realized I could probably do it too.
I am absolutely terffied of pregnancy and delivery. I was just telling my best friend that if I could have someone else carry my child I would probably be a lot less hesitant to have children. It is a somewhat irrational fear so despite seeing women all around me be pregnant and delivery healthy babies I still remain just as scared.
Post # 15
I used to feel the way you do (i’m around 29 yrs old). My last couple OB/GYN appointments, the doctor started talking to me about genetic testing, and then the stats of pregnancies as you get older. I had once thought about not trying until I was 35, 36….and then I realized how scarily high downs syndrome births are in the late 30s (1 in 100-ish by the time you are 38!!!). That snapped me back to reality, honestly. If i’m going to be a mom, i’ve decided that it’s going to start at 30-31, so that I can work around the risks a bit more. I’ve had an incredibly full life, so no regrets!
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
I’ve worried about this too. I used to think I’d want to start having kids before I turn 30, but now that I’ll be just getting married at 27, I don’t know if I’ll be ready in just a year or two. People always ask when we’ll have kids, and for now we can just say “wait awhile after we’re married!” but I don’t know how long that will be! I know my Fiance will definitely want kids, and I’m about 90% sure I want kids someday, but we’re both too irresponsible and selfish to have them yet. So… Thank you for starting this thread because it is a very interesting conversation!