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I am *so* glad you posted this! My husband and I have recently become addicted to How I Met Your Mother (we've watched almost the entire series on Netflix in the past month), and I was lamenting one night about how we don't exactly have a "group" that we do everything with like those characters do. We both have friends, but we definitely don't have a regular crowd like what those couples on sitcoms have -- and exactly what you're talking about!
I guess I'm kind of a lame responder because I don't have any tips or a timeline. But I'm here to brainstorm and commiserate with you. :)
Are there any Bees in your area? Maybe you could plan to get together with one of them.
Volunteer. Find some charitable organization and volunteer there. Not only are you and yours doing something great for others, you will meet like-minded people who share interests with you.
haha! Now I see what you meant. Clearly, I'd love to know the answer to this! For us, we spent every moment together in college, and then we moved across the country. We both have really good friends from pre-college days, but they all live super far away. I'm the youngest by far in my office, and he doesn't really see his coworkers as out of work friends. And we do stuff like go to wineries on weekends... not quite the party type!
We would love to have other couples to hang out with. I always buy stuff for "when we have friends." Wow, that sounds so sad haha But, I love to cook and we love to play games and stuff. We're fun people, we just don't have people to share that with!
Im not married yet but I feel like the same thing happened to me when we moved in together. I think the best place I've found friends is work... is there any couples there you could get to know better? How about neighbours? People from church?
Most people are open to having new friends - it sucks, but sometimes you have to make the first step. Invite a couple over for dinner!
The same thing happened to me. We moved and only hung out with old friends when we visited our hometown. He started playing soccer and I started school. Pretty much that's how. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to have any friends lol! You can join a club or something, a hobby etc. If you live in a big city is hard to find friends. Good Luck!
We are in the same boat. My FI moved around a lot as a kid, so he never had a big group of friends. And my friends all live 2-3 hours away, and we suck at making plans and getting together. It's even worse this time of the year-it's freezing outside and my FI and I always joke that we hibernate in the winter.
We actually love having people over. When we lived closer to friends we had game nights, potluck dinners, movie nights, etc. I miss it actually now that I am thinking about it :(
I have no advice-but I'll follow this thread!
@Bostongrl25: We hibernate, too! It's been a little better this year because we've had a mild winter, though.
It's funny how as adults, it's hard to make friends. But I think you alluded to your own answer: you can't go up to someone and say "what to be my friend?" but you can go up to them and say "hey! want to come ovre for dinner/go to a hockey game/movie/whatever". I struggled with this alot after I moved home from college, and what I eventually found out was, you just start asking people to do things!
DH is big into sports, so I started inviting the guys he talked about and their gfs over and now we've go a little group of 3 couples. Plus, the gfs have friends, that we have girls nights with. It just starts to evolve.
@tksjewelry: i've been wanting to do a bee meet up in the carolinas for a while. I know Ms. Magic tried to set one up in raleigh but i was out of town that week :(
@Gemstone: LOVE HIMYM - my favorite episode has to be when lily and marshall are trying to make couple friends - Cheese?!
@hisgoosiegirl: my husband and I really struggle with finding friends/couples that we both enjoy being with. It doesnt help that most of our friends are still single. The couple we spend the most time with is a good friend of mine, we used to work together at my old job and then she came to my new job a few months after me. she was in my wedding and we have been friends for at least 5 or 6 years - we are really lucky that her boyfriend and my husband get a long really well. I swear it helps! her and i can sit on the porch and talk for hours and catch up and the guys have no problem being alone and playing video games or something. She no longer works with me but met her boyfriend here so i still work with him...def makes it easier to keep in touch! Other than them though we mostly hang out with siblings, we both have a few older siblings that have SO's. We have tried out other couples haha but there hasnt really been anyone else that both of us have 'clicked' with.
I recently came across this website called meetup. have you heard of it? they have a charlotte section for couples where they meet up around town once a month or so for bowling or trivia...i've been tempted to try it out and see if we meet anyone interesting.
@totheislnds: Hahaha! Great episode. And yeah, kind of the same thing. But shows like that make me insecure about not having that kind of steady group.
It's all about being committed and following through. If you have people close enough to you that you've been talking about getting together, then set a date and don't cancel. And if you're committed to meeting new friends, you will meet them! It can happen anywhere, most likely at work, but one friend leads to several since you meet people through that person. I met one of my best friends randomly at a bar and she solidified our friendship by saying "You seem normal, let's be friends!" She ended up being one of my BM and we are BFF's to this day.
@Atalanta: I went to a meetup as well in my town. Kind of cheated because I actually went with one of my girlfriends, but it was still nice to meet people. We all went out dancing so it was fun to have a girl's night out.
I recently moved back to my hometown, but most everyone I know from here has since moved away. I'm lucky that I have most of my family here, and two of my husband's good friends from law school (another couple) live here as well. It's always nice to meet new people though.
So, I second meetup.com. There are so many groups out there and for specific interests too...You could also join a sports team, take a class, volunteer. Also don't rule out coworkers... we hang out with my husband's coworkers quite often (the young ones at least!)
We are in the same situation! When I was single I lived with 4 girls and we are still friends but they attend church and are connected with eachother that way, while DH and I do not attend church so we are kind of the outside couple and I find that hurts us a bit in terms of keep in touch with them.
I've tried to make it a resolution to keep in touch and to plan more social events with that group of friends but it's hard because everyone is so busy!
DH is kind of a loner. He had one close guy friend and they had a falling out and ever since then he just hasn't really been motivated to find new friends!
So, I have no advice but just letting you know that you are not alone!
FI and I have been together for a long time and we have "a group". Its quite a large group two, about 12 of us, and I love it! If any of us are doing something we try and reach out to the rest of the group so everyone can attend. Lately we don't go to bars as much, but more eachother's houses and what not and usually have to give a weeks notice. I find its more of an effort these days to get us out of the house. We're tired, renovating a house, planning a wedding etc. but once I'm out with our friends I'm always glad I decided to go. If you guys get yourselves out there you'll make new friends in no time.
@totheislnds: I literally met all my current close friends on meetup when I moved to another country. do I like it? No, worst thing ever!
It's really hard as an adult to make friends. DH and I moved to a new city 3 months after our wedding and left quite a few of our friends behind. We still see them quite a bit but it's not the same as being able to call or text after work and say lets meet up for a drink and dinner. I found myself getting close with a couple of girls from work and next week we're all going out with our SOs. DH works from home so he doesn't really have that option. We recently built a house and I think a lot of the people here are close to our age so we are going to try to get to know our neighbors better. I think that DH and I have a problem with follow through, it's so easy for us to say let's go out and do something or meet up with someone but then when the time comes we bail. What can I say, we're homebodies? Our resolution this year has been to try to make more friends and be more social, which is working so far.
Some ideas we have come up with recently are: going to church (but we aren't very religious), trying a site like meetup, trying to do a bee meet up, try hosting a game night with co-workers.
Ok, I'm too lazy to reply individually, but I did read them all!
a. I'm glad to know we're not alone!
b. HIMYM is what made me realize we have no 'group' of friends too!
c. I actually have met up with a couple other bees, one is in town but is pretty busy with college/work so our schedules are wonky for meeting up.
d. Volunteering does sound like a good idea...I need to figure out what!
e. I'm also one of the young'uns in my office. I have gotten to know a couple of the other ladies, but both live about an hour away with a child and/or farm so it's almost impossible to do some kind of game night or meeting up somewhere.
f. DH and I are introverts/hibernators to the max! Lol, we did join a gym to play volleyball with a couple of his work buddies, but DH revealed to me that he isn't actually a big fan of either of them so that killed the buzz on that. He does have one work friend that I think we should meet sometime....he's about 15 years older I think, though.
g. I'd like to host stuff at our apartment, but I feel so unsophisticated - like making a nice dinner w/ wine and all is what I picture in my head, but I know in reality, it's pizza and snacks that I should be sticking too!
h. I think I will at least go ahead and set up the sledding day with my friend and see how that goes.
i. oh, DH does go to church but it's mostly young families in our area, but I think I'll take a look at meetup.com
I'm just now reading this post but I wanted to chime in! Reading this type of post makes me feel so much better to know that DH and I aren't freaks, haha...we are both pretty quiet & shy and/or socially awkward around people we don't know well. We're also homebodies - and like it that way! Our idea of a perfect evening is a glass of wine and Netflix! Lately I've been feeling super insecure that we don't have many friends as a couple - we'll each hang out with a friend by ourselves once in awhile, but not really "double dates" or anything. Well that's not true - we went out to dinner this past week with one of my grad school classmates and her husband, and I think that my friend (who is VERY outgoing) mistook DH's shyness as him being aloof towards them (I know her pretty well from our program, and hadn't seen her in awhile, so we were chatting a lot & had a lot to catch up on) - and then I get nervous and feel like they won't want to hang out with us again! AHH! Why is making/maintaining friendships difficult?
Ha! We often joke that making couple friends is alot like dating--not in a good way! We've also had this same issue. We are both really busy- work full time, in grad school, renovating a home. So it's hard to find time to reach out! We live close to my hometown, so I have my best friend in town. However, my husband (who is VERY social) has not made any friends since moving here. I think it's really beginning to take a toll on him! We just recently bought a house & when we were trying to figure out furniture placement, he would always say, "When we have people over..." "How can we max out the seating...?" etc etc, It just made me sad on the inside I knew because we don't have many friends yet! Haha, we just feel kinda pathetic sometimes.
Anyway, I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say we're in the same boat. :)
@hisgoosiegirl: Do you live in a house/apartments/condo? Me and my FI live in a condo downtown and they started these meet your neighboor things the first Friday of each month at a happy hour at a local bar and there was a group of us that just clicked and they became our normal hang out buddies :) maybe try start something like that?
We aren't married yet, but my FI and I recently moved half way across the country for his job. We had to leave all of our friends behind. I was joking around that we won't make any friends until we have kids. I'm glad I stumbled across this post. It's good to know we aren't the only ones. We are planning on looking for some volunteer opportunities to meet people. I was also hoping we could find a pre-marriage workshop and potentially meet other couples that way, but I can't seem to find any in our area. Until I find a job, I won't be able to make any work friends.
Just saw this got revived -@MrsPom: I thought about doing that, but I really don't know anyone in our complex, other than there is one person who decided to steal my (paid for) parking spot, and now this week DH and I decided that there is someone routinely stealing our Sunday newspaper.
So I'm not really keen to meet many of them! To be honest though, most of them are younger families with kids, or random older people. There are one or two couples I've seen and thought about chatting up, but it's so hard to do without feeling like a major creep! That and we never really run into anyone, at least not in the winter.
This is something that I'm going through as well. Since I'm now finishing up grad school remotely, I just moved back to the town I lived in during HS (and where my husband has been living the past several years), but most of my friends have moved away so it's been difficult. My husband & I have been going out with clients he works with and his coworkers mostly. We never really made it a point to go out with other couples before so seeking out other couples is kind of a new thing.
@totheislnds: I'm in NC (triangle area) and was curious if you had thought any more about a meetup.
I know exactly how you bees feel! We moved a while back and have found it's particularly hard to meet couple friends! He's in his late 30s, I'm in my late 20s and most of the people our age in this city seem like they're married with kids and don't go out. We're stuck in this weird place where we're too old/over going to clubs and being out til 3am but everyone our age is at home with kids. Finding couple friends where everyone likes everyone is truly a gift!
FIs job is so demanding he does not want to be around anyone from work ever. I have a group of ladies I try to meet with but most have kids my age and this winter weve had a hard time meeting up. Im thinking of volunterring at a local historical museam soon and Im trying to find a new job. We fight over this sometimes which sucks. In the fall we had a couple we would meet with but it was a little difficult when we made so much effort and they would cancel last minute all the time for no good reason. Im glad im not alone out here.
Ahhhh finally someone who gets our situation!! I am from another country and DH is not from this island. The people here stick to their own so it's quite hard to make friends, and those that we do make don't stick around long because they are also from other places and move back there. The only friends we had were 20+ years older, whereas, although they are great people, they are not our age and have lived their lives, whereas we're just starting ours. The ex-pats here have their own little alcohol-fuelled bubble which revolves around bitching about each other and is not a circle we want to join (we actively avoid it)
FINALLY I made friends with two girls. One I knew already but her boyfriend never wanted to socialise with her friends and din't like her going by herself - but now they split up so she can come out to play And another british girl moved over to live with her fiancee who'se a local so we used the playground method in befriending her. So my DH now has the fiancee as a friend and I have these two fantastic ladies as my mates! Yey!!!
We moved 1.5 years ago to a city over 6000km from where we used to live and knew absolutely NO ONE here. I utizlized couchsurfing.org to find some friends. We hit the jackpot and have met some fantastic people. I never really though I would have a group of friends like HIMYM, but we really do now and it's fantastic.
You just have to put yourself out there. Websites like meetup and couchsurfing are great. We're both very outgoing people so we also made a point of making friends with our neighbours by introducing ourselves when we first moved in, and bringing wine to newly moved in neighbours.
I like how some other pp's said that finding friends as a couple is like dating. There have been a lot of times where FI gets along well with the guy and the girl and I just don't click, or vice versa. It was really hard at first to find people that we really got along with it and it got frustrating. Im glad that FI and I put ourselves out there on couchsurfing which allowed for us to make a solid group of friends.
@blueskye: Thank you for coutchsurf it actually has people in my area yay.
@naturalysam: NS has a pretty good scene on couchsurfing. Look me up if you want, Joey and Skye I think is our user name.. can't remember.
Sports teams? Neighbours?
Wouldn't believe how many people in our area we've met walking our dog!
We met people while walking our dog but 2 out of 3 attacked her. Weve had a really hard time with our neighbors having there dogs off leash.
I have felt like that for so long! It has just recently begun to shine a bit. I have started making friends at work. My FI has made friends with some married couples at his work. We have never been out with any of them yet, but at least we're on the right track. We have also started going to a church that has a great young adult, young married couple ministry. I don't know if you are religious, but churches provide a neat way to get involved with other couples and families. My FI and I also really enjoy going to small, local restaurants. That way, not only do we meet the owner, but we also have a good chance of striking up a converstaion with some regulars.
I have never been one to instigate conversations with others, but it's always easier when you're with someone else. Just put yourself out there. If you haven't made couple friends with co-workers, maybe chat with some neighbors?? Go out with your SO and just put yourselves out there. You never know when/where you'll meet new friends! :)
I know what you mean! My DH and I are very much struggling to make new friends. We only seem to have 1 couple that we hang out with these days and they have a child so we don't get together that often. We have tried to host parties and have had some people attend, but we haven't seen them since the party. It's tough. There should be more meet up groups for couples out there. We have watched all of How I met your Mother on netflix btw and we love it!!! It's a terrific show! Wish it was that easy to find a group of friends to hang with on a regular basis.
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You know on all the sitcoms how couples always get together for dinner or game night? Yeah, that doesn't seem to happen in real life. At least not for DH and I.
DH and I both moved from college to our current city, and have pretty much failed at making friends. I was by myself for 6 months and didn't go out much (wedding planning!) and now we're pretty comfortable with our stay-by-ourselves routine. We're a couple hours from home and several from college. My BFF lives about 1.5 hours away, but she has a farm and is due with their first child any day.
I did just have another good friend move cross-country to now only be 30 minutes away and actually texted last night about doing some sledding, but DH and I are so anti-social, I wonder how often we'll actually do something.
So, how did you make new friends if you moved shortly before/after the wedding? What activities did you do? And how long does this making friends process take! I wish I were still 8, and could walk up to someone on the playground and say 'will you be my friend' and then we're bffs.
Sigh.