Post # 1
I know there are people out there who didn’t plan to have a child but did. How did you make it work?
Were you worried about money? jobs? homes? being a good parent?
I’m trying to convince my DH that we should start TTC. But he doesn’t think we are ready. I think we are. There a few things I would like to have but is there ever a perfect time to have kids? I don’t think there is.
I guess I want some inspiration to continue trying to persuade my DH that we are ready. Did people think you weren’t ready to have kids but in the end, you ended up being fine parents.
Post # 3
There is never a perfect time but, you can do some planning ahead so you can be prepared. There have been points in our lives where me and my fiance decided to ttc that felt right. After a few months and a few miscarriages it felt like it would be a good time to take a break and wait. Now we are in an even better position financially and we will actually be married before the little ones start coming. I guess i’m saying the longer you wait the better you can be prepared in most cases.
Post # 4
@roxy_angell13: Thanks. Yeah, I know we could wait. It’s just that I’m 27 and DH is 28. I have a great job. I talk to my gyn dr about something and she said the meds that my DH takes for his asthma may or may not have affects on us TTC. I’m thinking that when we are ready that we may have trouble. I’m not really worried having a kid when I’m older than 30 because I know I will be older than 30 when we have our second child.
DH says that our apartment is too small and that he’s not ready for the sleepless nights that we will get when we have a newborn.
Also, in January, DH and I agreed that we would start at the end of this summer, but some things came up that made us think we should wait. We were going to buy a home but we might be moving back east and I might be getting a new job. At the time, I thought we would have to push TTC back because we were buying a home. I told myself that we would either have a baby or buy a home. I didn’t want to do both at the same time. So now that we aren’t buying a home, I think we should start TTC.
Post # 5
We both knew that we wanted kids, and are still worried about all those things. I don’t think the stress and worries ever go away, there’s always going to be something.
Last time I got pregnant my husband ended up having major surgery, so we were worried about that. This time it’s been really crazy. We’re in the process of buying a house (should be about 8 months pregnant when we close), my husband has a herniated disk so he’s in a lot of pain and can’t do much to help around the house. And of course with the new house we’re worried about money, I’m not working due to health reasons. But we both really wanted a baby, so it’s worth all the stress for us.
Post # 6
I think it totally depends on what you want your experience to be like. Do you have money saved up to cover baby expenses (big ticket items) and medical expenses? We anticipate that it will be over $5,000 before the baby is even born (well I guess to get us through the birth). Can you do this cheaper, sure, but I didn’t want to have to totally sacrifice the experience. I didn’t want to have to buy a used breast pump, I knew I would need maternity clothes for work, I wanted to have money to put together a nursery, etc. So I think that has been a big thing for us right now.
Post # 7
We had an unplanned pregnancy which was super stressful on the both of us. We worked really hard while I was pregnant, double shifts/overtime, we saved and spent nothing on ourselves for those whole nine months. I read every baby book that was out there, that along with nesting and yearning to hold my son–prepared me. It is pretty life changing. At first when when my son was a newborn, I thought “this isn’t so bad! why does everyone complain about lack of sleep and all the other ‘hardships’ of being a parent?!” I loved it all. Then it started to take a toll on me mentally and physically. I do miss my alone time.
After we had our son, I quit working–FI worked 60 hour weeks which helped us get through financially. For the past two years I haven’t worked. I actually miss that the most…it gave me a high sense of self-esteem and now it feels like I am too dependent on FI. Which I know being married, its normal to be somewhat dependent on your husband/wife.
We still haven’t bought a house. We both agreed that we have until our son is 3 to buy a house…when his long term memory sets in. For some reason I am not worried about being a good parent, most of it comes natural.
If your husband doesn’t think its the right time, I’d hold off on persuading him. It’d be hard on your relationship if he ended up being resentful. Because, let’s face it–being a parent can be difficult at times and that’s when you need to rely on your SO for support.
Post # 8
@Heatherloveskenny: Good point on pushing him too much. I don’t want him to resent it. Thanks for your advice.
Thanks to everyone else, too!