Post # 1
hi all! i’m starting to get a little freaked out about the guest list for our wedding and i’m hoping to get your advice! Originally, the ideal guest count for me and the FH was 60-75…add in the parents (who are graciously paying for the majority of the wedding) and we are now over 100. To further complicate matters, this doesn’t even include my coworkers!!
I work in a small office of 6 people, so I intend to invite them all. That’s not the problem. It’s the remaining 15 or so more that I am stressed about. I work for a non-profit organization where the culture of our organization is that we are one unit, a FAMILY if you will. We all are pretty close and see each other pretty frequently, although the 15 others work in another location. My question is, do I invite them all?? Of the 15, I am fairly close with 5 or 6 but have known most of them for several years. The last thing I want is to cause any awkwardness by leaving out a select few – but as you all know, weddings are not a cheap event!! What do i do?? Do i invite them and hope not all RSVP (so wrong, I know)??? On top of it, do i have to extend an invitation for all of their SOs or +1 guests??? I know the general etiquette says YES, but what do you all say?
If, by some weird miracle they all do attend, I was hoping to place all of them in two tables (sans SOs/guests) and have them all enjoy the evening together…
What do you think? I would appreciate any advice, particularly for those who have been through this? How did you manage this issue? Any regrets??
Post # 3
I have this same problem, a small (30 people) office where everyone is pretty close. What I decided to do was invite a few really close friends from the office to the wedding and then have a big House Warming/We’re Married party at our house after our honeymoon with the whole company. We’re also getting married out of town, so I think for most people it will be a relief and I think eveyrone will understand.
Post # 4
I have been wondering the same thing! I really only want to invite about 3 coworkers, but I work in a small, tight-knit office with about 20 people. I don’t want the 3 to feel awkward if I don’t invite their SO’s, but I’m on a super tight guest list, we’re already cutting friends. I’ve been wondering if it’ll even matter for me since I’m a student worker in the office and my last day will be right before the wedding, so I won’t see many of them ever again and only plan to keep in touch with the 3 I want to invite.
Post # 5
I work with about 50 people! And we are the most ridiculous family you’ve ever met, and it’s been SO hard trying to figure out who to invite and who to cross of the list without hurting any feelings. We’re going to try to use the rule of “people who we would/have hung out with outside of work” with a couple of exceptions. That is still like, 20 people though and thats 40 with +1s.
Post # 6
We each have 25-40 people at our work places, and we are limiting it to 3 people (plus spouses) from each of our workplaces. We are just saying that it is a small family wedding, and we have limited space in the venue. So far that has worked well and everyone has been very cool with it.
Post # 7
It is a sticky situation I think. A lot of people say invite everyone or no one, but at the same time it would be nice to invite your close co-workers. Personally my FI and I chose not to invited co-workers, so that no ones feeling were hurt, and we are having a smallish wedding (no more than 50 people).
I think KMSull has a really great rule!!!!!
Post # 8
I work with a ton of people between 2 locations (about 20ish through the management staff) and I ended up only inviting the people I work with directly and my main location. This included 8 people + dates, though the few people that are not in a relationship did not get a +1. My GM was upset I didnt invite her but I dont really like her and I see her maybe once a week. No one else was upset and if they were I didnt hear about it. I think everyone understood and of the 8 I invited, about 3 of them I invited because everyone else from that location was invited.
If I were you, I would invite those that you are close with and those that you talk to outside of work if applicable. Id also probably invite your immediate supervisor etiquette wise. If you are inviting those that have been in a relationship for awhile or are married, yes give them a plus one. I wouldnt be too happy if I was invited to a wedding without my husband, especially if they knew I was married
Post # 9
this is all great advice and its clear its a very widespread issue!! i will definitely keep in mindKMSULL’s rule, especially as i’m hoping to move on and get a new job shortly after the wedding…ha!
it does make it even more difficult when co-workers directly ask/joke about being invited (this just happened to me by one of our senior staff members recently!), which i know is coming from a good place, but still…
Post # 10
I work in an office with 8 people. I’ve chosen to invite three, along with guests. I’ve spoken with each of them privately and explained that I’m unable to invite everyone, and could they please keep it quiet, as I really don’t want to upset anyone.
So far, so good.
Post # 11
I realize our strategy won’t work for everyone, but here’s what my fiance and I are doing: His office has about 30 people, and there’s no way in the world that we could invite them all. So, we’ve already hosted one informal gathering at our house (cocktails, light appetizers) and will try to have at least one more before the invitations need to go out. Anyone who doesn’t bother to come to either one is automatically cut from the list – if they can’t be bothered to show up at our house, we aren’t spending $75 for them to eat at our wedding. That right there will let us trim the list down to about 10 people (20 with SOs). With the remaining folks, who gets invited will depend on how close we are to our venue-determined guest limit. If we can afford to invite them all, cool. Otherwise, these parties are basically an audition, and those coworkers who just sit there awkwardly, eat our food, and don’t bother to even try to make conversation won’t make the cut.
Post # 12
I’m also in this spot. However, if someone makes jokes about assuming they are invited, does NOT mean you should feel guilty about not inviting them. People should not assume anything like that, it looks poor on their part. Keeping talk about your wedding to a minimum at work is a good rule because then less people know about all the details. The fewer people, the better I think.
But if you are planning on getting a new job here in the future, why not invite only the people you expect to keep in touch with after you leave? Those people are obivously close to you and you would maintain a friendship with them after you left that job. If that means no-one, then you invite no-one. If it means two people? Then you quietly ask for those two people’s addresses to send their invites via snail mail and ask them to say nothing about it to the rest of the office. If those two are your friends, they should respect that.
Post # 13
FH had this problem when it came to his side of the guestlist. He works at a venue that employs around 30 people full time – all of which he’s worked with for at least the last 2 years, and he’s pretty good friends with about 15 of them.
In the end, we decided to only invite his department which is 6 people and their SO’s (one of our guest list “rules” was no plus 1s unless they’re in a relationship). So that ended up being an extra 10 people.
Post # 14
First of all, we aren’t making any decisions about coworkers until the invitations go out with the exception of coworkers who are actually friends outside of work. This is because anything can change at work in a few months, imagine if you had sent someone you weren’t really close to a STD just b/c they were in your ‘group’ and that person resigned a week later and you hadn’t seen him/her in a year. Weird.
Second, I also have a lot of coworkers to choose from. There are two bosses, four coworkers in my ‘immediate’ group and about 6 that I work with just outside of the immediate group. I could easily invite everyone based on how close we are at work. But what we’ve decided is to start with our bosses and if space opens up either invite all or none of our immediate groups and not expand the list to the group outside. So in a sense we’re being strategic to not leave anyone out and not picking and choosing which coworkers we like best. If you’re in this group you either get invited or you don’t based on space.
Post # 15
I nixed that one fast – We are not inviting ANY FI works at a very small PR boutique firm. There are 9 of them total and because he is not a partner in the firm he didn’t feel it was necessary to invite anyone. And becuase it is small if he invites one then he should invite them all! I work for a fragrance company. I manage the US and International boutique sales – since getting engaged I haven’t shared ANY wedding details which is what my strategy was. Since I never talk about them or share them I feel like its pulled me away from the office a bit b/c I am so busy. Its made it easier to make the decision for me to also not invite anyone I know FI are doing this in an odd way. We don’t want anyones feelings to get hurt and we are having a small wedding of 100-120 people. We want to keep it that way!
Post # 16
I say people that you talk to outside of work should definetly get an invite. If you go beyond that, you should invite everyone so that you are fair.