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We're not having a bridal party. But, if we did, I would choose my cousin for sure. I do have a friend who she and I have been friends for 25 years. However, similar to your situation, we have only talk to one another on the phone maybe, six times this year and we haven't seen each other in person since 2008. I think we're just at different stages in our lives, but I would still ask her to be a BM. You might want to look at people that have been significant in your life and ask them? Or maybe if there is a newer friend that you can see the friendship extending past the wedding?
Also, it's totally okay to have a ring bearer and no flower girl. You and FH can do whatever you like since it is your wedding!
Your wedding should be any way you want it to be. You don't have to be super traditional if you don't feel comfortable doing it. For me, I had to narrow down among my good friends, and that was hard because I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. But, I picked the ones that were supportive and always there for me. My brother's Ex-wife only had her Mom as her bridesmaid, that was it, and it looked perfectly fine. I see no reason to have to have a flower girl if you don't have any little girls in your family or a friend's daughter that you are close to. I guess what I'm saying is don't feel obligated to anything due to tradition, go with your gut on it. I hope this helps :)
We first decided on a rough size. He knew before me who he wanted and that he wanted his two brothers and I wanted my brother also. This left him with 3 spots for his friends so he picked his two best friends without any thought and then the last guy is someone that he became really close with during college.
For me my MOH is someone I have been friends with since 8th grade. We don't see eachother all the time but needless to say she really gets me and we do talk on the phone and FB all the time. The other girls are a line up of friends through out different parts of my life. I have 2 girls from high school and 3 from college. My last girl is someone that I have become close to in the last 2 years and really feel close with.
I think you make your party what you want. Don't just jump and ask whoever. Really think it out. I wish I would have thought a little longer before I picked all of my girls. They are all great people but some of them aren't always there liked I would have hoped.
We are keeping it simple, smaller weddig party and are having it be, for the most part, family, to avoid cat fights lol 2 brides maids (brothers fiance & my fiances cousin) and a Maid of Honor which I may have my mom double as..she has no idea yet lol my brother will be a groomesman along with one of my fiances friends from HS and his best friend as the best man.DONE- simple lol no floower girl, no ring bearer...mom's walking me down the aisle.
i just knew for years who at least 4 of my BMs would be: my sister is MOH, and then i have 3 best friends since elementary and high school. i really should have stopped there! but then i asked my niece to be (she will be 18 at the wedding) because i wanted to include FI's family more. then i asked a friend because i heard through the grapevine that she was bummed i didn't ask her (wish i had been on weddingbee at the time to help me with that one). in the end i am happy with my choices there and excited all these girls will be there for me.
FI on the other hand doesn;t have a lot of close friends as he has moved around a lot since high school. so he has my sister's husband and his nephew. there is a possibility of a high school friend coming to the wedding and if so, we will add him.
i think you should pick who ever you feel comfortable with. personally i would pick whoever i feel the closest too.
for us we knew we wanted the smallest wedding party possible so a MOH and a BM. I chose my sister since to me, she is the closest person/friend.
I only picked my sister as my MOH and my best friend of almost 20 years. These are the only two people who I am closest to.
i have 2 older sisters so they are joint 'matron of honors' because i didnt feel right having one over the other (even though i am closer to one then the other). Then i have 2 best friends from College who are bridesmaids, a cousin who i am very close with and was just a bridesmaid in her wedding in October. Lastly i have my niece who will be a 'junior' bridesmaid because she is 14 now. so 90% of my bridal party is family with only 2 friends.
i have been a bridesmaid & maid of honor in 2 friends wedding before but I'm no longer all that close to them so i dont feel like I 'have to' have them as bridesmaids.
i have 2 older sisters so they are joint 'matron of honors' because i didnt feel right having one over the other (even though i am closer to one then the other). Then i have 2 best friends from College who are bridesmaids, a cousin who i am very close with and was just a bridesmaid in her wedding in October. Lastly i have my niece who will be a 'junior' bridesmaid because she is 14 now. so 90% of my bridal party is family with only 2 friends.
i have been a bridesmaid & maid of honor in 2 friends wedding before but I'm no longer all that close to them so i dont feel like I 'have to' have them as bridesmaids.
I'm stressing the same dilemma of chosing a bridal party. (I didn't want any and FI wants 5!) I have 5 friends that I could ask...BUT I'm learning that there are things that need to be taken into consideration when making these decisions.
1- the bridesmaid usually pays for her dress/shoes in addition to gifts for you, at your shower and wedding, and she'll be part of the bachelorette party etc.. so you can eliminate some that you know you don't want to burden with a hardship.
2- you should choose friends/relatives that respect your values and customs. The last thing you need when you are planning your big day is a nay sayer or idea mocker... weddings aren't for everyone.
3-You do want someone on your side who is going to see that your day comes together and understands that its more about you than them. I've watched one too many bridezilla shows to see that the bride gets stressed b/c her wedding party sucks at being supportive. Or their always late, or not helpful etc
4- I think in your case you might be safer going with relatives... Yea they aren't that close but their family and you don't get closer than that lol even though I wouldn't give up on your BF before you even asked her.
I hope I helped--if I hear anything else I'll let you know b/c I'm in a big bind about choosing my own good luck
I picked 3 of my best friends. One from high school and two from college. I've been besties with these girls for 10-15 years and even though we've moved several hours (or states) away, I can always count on these gals. Also, I wanted to be able to have fun and be comfortable with my BMs, not feel awkward around my conservative SIL or cousins I only see once or twice a year, for example.
I picked my older sister, my best friend from high school my two other very good friends from the camp we worked at and then my college roommate. It was supposed to be 3 each and then it went to 4 and then it ended up going to 5.
You should pick whoever you're comfortable with. However, just know that people you've lost touch with tend to flake out when you ask them to be a part of your wedding. They may say yes at first, but in a few months (or when it's time to buy the dress) they may say no. Would your friends do that to you, do you think?
Goodluck and I hope it all works out :)
I am having two good friends and my niece for bridesmaids/jr bridesmaids. FI is haivng his two brothers and nephew that is little older than my niece for his groomsmen
We wanted it small but it is growing.
First we decided to go with sisters and their husbands (1 set on my side, 2 sets on my FH's side). Also, my 2 neices (9 and 11), my nephew (2 years old), FH's neice 3 years old). Then... we decided to add FH's cousin and our mutual friend. And MOH is currently preggers.
So... 4 guys, 4 girls, 2 juniors bridesmaids, 1 flower girl, 1 ring bearer, and another ring bearer or flower girl (we don't know the sex of the baby yet).
Thanks @oneloveRicherPrice!! That was good advice.
My FI has 4 kids from a previous marriage. Three are girls ages 18, 20, 21 and on boy 16, and they all want to be in the wedding party (as do we). But when it comes to #1 - they usually cover their dress/shoes cost, etc... really, my FI and I will be covering their costs. We just had to make it part of our overall budget.
@Alli259: ours is growing too. We wanted to have some of our friends involved in the wedding party, too - not just all family. So, we each decided on 4 friends. This makes our wedding party a grand total of 16 people, not including us! (4 my friends, 4 FI's friends, 4 FI's kids, 4 my family).
Due to the large party (and all the variety of body shapes and sizes), we are not making everyone get the same dress... we have a few coordinated colors (purple, blue, green from the peacock feather). Everyone can pick their own dress within the guidelines. We are just getting started. Hopefully this strategy will work!
I chose the first 5 girls that popped into my brain. I really believe instinct is important when planning a wedding - gut reaction to a dress, the flower you have loved since you were a child, your idea of the perfect wedding photos equals reception spot. etc...
So even though one of the 5 girls who popped into my head was a friend I was very close to a few years ago but with whom I have lost touch recently (haven't spoken much in the last 2 years or so), I immediately asked her becasue she obviously means enough to me for me to think of her right away.
Picture your bridal party and whoever you see in the first split-second in your mind is who you should ask, in my opinion.
ETA: That being said, I think OneLoveRicherPrice had some great advice, because one of the first 5 that popped into my head eventually pulled out b/c weddings aren't really her "thing," and I didn't take that into consideration when asking.
I'm from a Spanish family and in our tradition it's easy, Family is always in the wedding party. Sisters, Neices, and we never separate couples so if your groomsmen is married his wife is naturally his partner and your bridesmaid. I only asked 2 of my BM's to be in my bridal party the rest automatically assigned their posts due to tradition. So I have 7 bridesmaids :) As for the two I asked, they have only been my friends as of recently in the past two years. We don't see eachother all the time, but I noticed that Facebook keeps our communication up to speed a lot better than calling or texting.
My sister will be my matron of honor and I have two good friends that will be bridesmaids.
Were having 2 flower girls and no boys! dont see anythng wrong with that...
And i picked my bridal party on who Im closest with and my family!
I decided on the people that I asked when i thought to my self if I could only have a select few people at my wedding minus family who would be there. The people that you cant picture your big day with out and the people that are always there for you in life.. those are the people that should be there with you!!
My MOH is my best friend. We've been best friends since we were in middle school.
Next is another good friend who is FI cousin and she set us up.
My brothers FI
The next 3 BM are good friends
My 2 Junior BM are my future-step-daughter and FI neice
and my flower girl is my daughter
ok so I don't like to admit this but I am on my second marriage. I just think of the first one as a test run but that is for another blog. lol! My first wedding party was huge (to me, anyway) I had 8 bridesmaids and one MOH. They came from everywhere. Old friends, new friends, people I hadnt talked to in forever but I thought I had to have them because we were close at one point. My MOH was my closest friend at the time and I had people get upset with me about that. "How come I didn't pick my oldest friend"...etc. This time around I am older and wiser. I only have 4 bridesmaids and no MOH. In my book, they are all equal. Its my sister and 3 close friends. All of them live near me. I have a dear friend that lives numerous states away from me and I fought with myself about adding her or not but I chose not to because the long distance thing is very difficult. The long distance ones miss out on everything! The bridal shower, the parties, the to do lists and there is no bonding with the other bridesmaids. I will be having both a flower girl and a ring bearer, both girls. Ultimately remember that there is no wrong. Its completely up to you who you want and how you want it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Speaking from experience, I had a monser-in-law (first time around)
@lcm82:I am in a similar boat. I did not have any wedding with the first wedding and now, it seems odd to have bridesmaids mainly because I am sure the wedding itself will be a smallish affair. I want my friends and family in the seats watching, enjoying the ceremony rather than up with me. I have a 17 year old, had her early and a 11 year old son and my FI has a 6 yo daughter. It would be nice to include them somehow. I still need to figure out the plans FI has for his side.
I have a great deal of girls in my life that are like sisters but I knew I could not have all of them in my wedding so here is who and how I chose
1. Maid of Honor- My Sister
2. Maid of Honor- Best Friend of 27 years
3. Matron of Honor- Friend of over 10 years
4. Bridesmaid- Best Friend's sister who is my little sister
5. Bridesmaid- My Aunt who is like my sister
If I didn't have significant family/friends to choose from, I wouldn't have a bridal party. In my opinion, the bridal party is selected from the group of invites as people who willl stand up for you in the face of anything, and especially on your wedding day. It took me a few days of really thinking about it before I decided who to have in my party...
MOH - Sister
Bridesmaid - Best friend from College who would go to the end of the earth for me, and I for her.
Bridesmaid - Best friend from my current area where I've lived for 7 years (whom I've known since the third day of living here and who kept me here, and therefor, without whom, I wouldn't have met my fiance)
Bridesmaid - Sister of Groom...selected by me for various reasons, even with my fiance saying "You don't have to have her if you don't want to, she'll understand".
But really, don't just scrap together a party to have one. If you're willing to stand up by yourself, or with groomsmen, or a ring bearer, then that's just perfect!
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I am trying to pick my wedding party, it is hard for me because I moved out of state from where I am from 5 years ago and lost touch with almost all of my friends besides the occasional email or phone call. My old best friend got married and she changed, I was her MOH but because I only talked to her twice in the last year and a half I don't feel she needs to return the favor. I do have some new friends in my new state but no one that I am extremely close too! SO at this rate I have no MOH and no bridesmaids, however I would like to have a small number. I do have a bunch of cousins, however again none that I am close too. I am in a bind. So would you use old friends? new friends? people you are no longer super close with but that you consider to be your friends? what about your MOH? an old friend from 27 years of friendship that you haven't talked to in a while???
Also, I have a ring bearer but no flower girl - is this OK...???