Whenever we hit a rough patch, I really, REALLY try to just let it go and NOT talk when either one of us is angry. I can easily give it 1 day, 2 days, 3 days, whatever it takes. And it took a LOTTTTTTTTT of effort on my part to do that.
Then, when we are ready to talk, we talk. One talks, the other listens. No judgements of any kind. A lot of sensible stuff comes out at this point which wouldn’t have, had we both been on an emotional high-horse when we were trying to talk. As a matter of fact, most of the time, we happen to see each others’ views a LOT CLEARLY this way and the rough patch blows over quickly.
I do not turn to crying or drnking, or eating, etc. It takes a LOTTTTTTTT of effort but I try to work out. Just 30 minutes even. (Hello Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred!) I ABSOLUTELY HATE the thought of working out when I am down in the dumps. But I still make that effort to put on my workout gear, pop her video in and start. Once I get going, so MUCH of my energy gets taken up by her that it’s amazing how less depressed I feel aftewards!!! Also, I try to do yoga. It REALLY massages the heck out of your muscles and nerves and you can FEEL the tension slipping off.
I also will treat myself to Starbucks. I’ll go for a walk to it with my head phone and upbeat music. Sit and sip a cup of some low-fat/non-fat latte and just BREATHE…….
If you noticed, I used a lot of ‘I do this, I do that…’ and not so much abt what Fiance does. But if your Fiance is anything like mine, he will just shut out and/or play PS3. Which IS his coping mechanism, just like mine is the above.
But at the end of it all, whatever day we feel ‘comfortable’ to speak, we do. We give each other a LOTTTT of space. I think that is extremely important rather than trying to always solve issues ASAP. (I used to be like that and we’d only end up putting bandaid solutions.)
Also, most important, keep other ppl out of it. Try not to do what someone ELSE tells you to do abt the issues you are having with your Darling Husband. YOU should be the deciding factor on whether you two need to work things out or leave each other, etc.
Taking advice is ok but do not follow it blindly just cuz you think that you know this person for so long and they will probably want the best for you. Or that you can’t think clearly but this ‘loved one’ can think on your behalf. NO ONE is in that relationship but your Darling Husband and you therefore you should be calling the shots. If you two cannot think clearly then do the above to reach a point where you can. Just don’t let anyone else tell you anything or put any kind of seeds in yoru head. You’d be surprised how wildly such thoughts can manifest when you are down in the dumps. And you’ll end up saying or doing something that you did not intend. (Good OR bad is subjective to your relationship.)