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I think the best way to say it is "Adult Only Reception to Follow." There's not really any polite way to say it. People will either accept it or not. Not really any need for a reasoning. I think thats the best to the point way to do it.
I don't think you need to announce it to everyone. Just don't invite the kids - make it very clear on the invitations that you're reserving two places for the couple. If guests make comments like "Little Johhny can't wait to see that lake!" or "I already picked out the children's outfits!", just say something like "I'm really sorry, but it's going to be an adults-only reception due to safety concerns."
There are a couple of ways to do this. The first and probably most effective is by word of mouth...casually saying something like "and we're really looking forward to our friends and family just having a night off and not having to worry about the kids falling in the lake!" Second is by being specific in the invitations. Addressing the envelope to Mr and Mrs. so and so and making sure the response card only has their names on it or has something like "We have received 2 seats in your honor". Third is by website. You can get a google page or something along those lines and include "Are children invited?" on a Frequently Asked Questions page.
You'll probably get a few people who will still call and ask, so be prepared to put a positive spin on their kids not being invited. Also, keep in mind that some people may not be able to come. And be clear about what your standards are; are infants still nursing invited? What do you consider children? Under 12? Under 15? What about kids in the bridal party or the children of immediate family members?
Good luck!
Just be ready for people to invite their kids anyway. Maybe your guests have a little more sense than mine when it comes to etiquette, but we definitely had a few unwelcome add-ons.
makes sense. Thanks. I guess on the same (sort of) subject, is it wrong of me to think it's rude of my MIL to have listed my SIL's BF (of a few months) on the invites list? I just don't understand why we would invite him when no one really knows him, and SIL goes through boyfriends faster than underwear.?? Maybe I'm nuts and should let it go?
@lampshade- oh, no. That's why I need SPECIFIC wording, and I think it needs to be blatently in your face in the invite. :( Sad that people are so rude.
@ Miss Lily: yes, it's rude. If it will cause a big rift and/or if SIL is in the wedding party I'd let it go. Otherwise, see if you can pencil him OUT.
I would write "Adults only reception" on the invite. I've discovered that a lot of people don't check out the wedding website, so really important info shouldn't only be given there. It can be considered improper to say adults only on the invite, but given that so many people choose to ignore the fact that the invite is only addressed to the parents, or they write in extra seats, sometimes it takes being very blatant to actually get people to follow your restrictions.
We're doing the two-pronged approach: we are addressing the envelopes to the adults only and we are wording our response cards very specifically:
(2) Seats have been reserved in your honor
We're hoping this will help get the point across. Our big problem is that we have all babies (I have nightmares about them screaming through my vows) and mommy and daddy might just think that means little Bobby can sit on their lap. I'm hoping they'll at least ask us and then we can say, "The venue is not child-friendly; there will be no child meal and no child playthings." Seriously like 7 of my FI's friends have reproduced this year -- I'm hoping they'll all choose to leave the kids at home.
People unfortunately will also ignore 'adults only' on the invitation. Most people don't even read invitations. If I were you, I would send out emails to parents of small children letting them know. Just say something like "We are reaching out to all of our beloved guests with small children to let people know that unfortunately due to safety concerns at our venue only guests 18+ years of age will be in attendence. We apologize for any inconvenience, please contact us with any questions"
@Moderndaisy- I had thought about letting people know that the venue is not going to be child friendly for parents who do not want to watch their children (does that make sense?) I know some responsible people whose children I wouldn't mind having in attendance, I just don't want to have my entire family's worth of kids there ( alot of my extended family is just NOT parent material IMO and will come only because it means they will get a meal. Pathetic I know.) it frustrates me that I have to tell people with great behaved kids that I would rather the kids weren't there only because I don't want the majority of the families to bring their kids. :(
I think you have to set a "rule" for your wedding and apply it to all guests, even though you know that some of your guests will be more responsible than others.
We are only allowing nursing infants at our wedding, and we personally called the parents of our families to let them know well in advance that we were having an adults only reception. Some of them were not happy, but at least this way they will have had 6 months to figure out childcare and get over it before the wedding. :)
You could always look into offering childcare at your reception.
I've recieved an invitation that said "Kindly arrange child care - this venue is not child-friendly."
I have a wedding website that crealy says Adult Only reception. Also I spread the word early. Nothing works better than word of mouth. Pick a couple people on both sides of the family that like to talk to everyone, bring it up casually in conversation and watch it travel...word of mouth is great! good luck!
@cupcake sprinkles - i have the same nightmare - that and the screams ruining my videography that i spent $$$$$ on... *shudder*
we are putting "adult only affair" on our invites, its on the wedding website, and its well known in my family that im NOT a kid person. honestly my friends and family know me well enough to know that if they disobey the rules/restrictions i WILL stop the wedding and tell them to GTH out. (im that b*tchy sometimes!)
Get leashes just in case....Only joking!!
I think word of mouth is the best way to go as well, and maybe even a follow up phone call by the Bride or Groom to the families you know (or suspect) may disregard the info from someone else? Good luck!
Ww had "Adults Only Reception to follow" on the invitation, and it seems that people understand this. In fact, my SIL and mother of the flower girl asked me privately if the flowergirl was permitted at the reception.
I said of COURSE she is Adults and Jenna ;-)
If it were a safety issue as in this case, I think I would just not have kids in the wedding and make sure it is spelled out on the invitation.
i just posted about this very thing - it's so touchy with some people! i really wish i'd have known the whole "adults only reception" on our invite before i sent them out. i think that's the best way to do it.
I agree with everyone else.. "adults only reception" and spread the word through close family and friends, who can then do the fdirty work of letting people know for you :)
I threw a fit and said "leave your nose-picking, centerpiece ruining, crying during the ceremony brats at home"! Just kidding, but I am not a huge fan of kids at a wedding!! I am spreading the word and only including Mr. and Mrs. on the invitations, rather than "and family".
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you didn't want children at the wedding?
Our wedding/reception venue is on a lake and I don't want to be responsible for people's kids drowning...I just don't know how to tell people "hey, we don't want your kids there."