How did your family react to your long engagement?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

FI and I will have been engaged for 2 years, 8 months, and 11 days by the time we get married!  The vast majority of my friends and family are completely understanding.  We’re not shy about telling everyone we’re taking the leisurely route to the altar because we’re paying for the whole thing ourselves.  

The one person who has consistently grumbled is my grandfather.  Part of it is that he’s old-fashioned; “back in his day” you got married fairly quickly following engagement.  Part of it is the “but I’ll probably be dead by then!” mentality that he’s assumed over the past couple of years.  When he brought it up AGAIN over Christmas, I finally snapped and told him (in a joking tone) that if he would be so kind as to write me a check, we’d get married whenever and wherever he wanted us to!  And what do you know, he didn’t leap up and throw his wallet at me!

The reasons for your long engagement are good reasons, most of which I share myself.  Stick to ’em and don’t let the naysayers get you down.

 

Post # 4
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@busybee3791:  Our engagement will be 2 years to the day.  A few relatives griped that we shouldn’t wait so long because of elderly family (no one is ill, just old.)  We didn’t let that change our minds, IMO we could have moved the wedding up a year, and those family members may/may not be able to attend.  There are no gurantees in life, and I’d just stand your ground.

Post # 5
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

My SO and I are also talking about a long engagement.  They shouldn’t get upset with you. In the end you have to do what you feel is best for the both of you not what they want.

Post # 6
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

We have a 22 month engagement.  My family was more or less fine when we said it would be a long engagement.  They were bummed in the sense that the big excuse for a family gathering would be happening in 2 years instead of 1, but they were still very supportive.  I think they understand that my FI and I are running the show and we’re going to plan things at our pace.  If any family members disagreed with it, they haven’t said it to our faces.  I’ve actually received more stupid remarks from friends than family.  Comments along the lines of “Oh you don’t need to be figuring out flowers so early” or “Well I’m getting married this year and my planning is way more intense than yours” or “I’d rather start my married life than wait longer for the wedding”.  Ignore those people.  I did and I’m happier for it.

Post # 7
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in the exact same boat! Hoping for a feb or march proposal with an April 2016 wedding. I’m a med student. People get that I need time 

Post # 8
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I think they were reassured, to be honest. My FI and I had a quick dating history … we met after chatting online for a few weeks, we began seeing each other and living at each other’s place after a month, and officially moved in together in an appartement after 5 months. Our engagement (11 months into relationship) was announced to our parents 2 months after our first ”anniversary” as a couple. 

Although they were all happy, I think they felt reassured by the fact we would not rush everything. FI was thinking about going back to college but didn’t know if he had been accepted yet ; so a 2 years engagement seemed reasonable for everybody. 

I think we’ve been ready for a long time. But life has made it tough for us to save for a wedding as much and as quickly as we thought we would at first. It’s probably going to end up with a 3 year engagement. Yell 

ETA : I just lost my grandmother and it broke my heart to know that she’ll not be there at my wedding. I only have 1 grandfather left, and 2 years from now, I don’t know … he’s always been sick, and he’s turning 90 in July … I don’t want to sound pessimist, but it saddens me to think he might not attend, either. 🙁

Post # 9
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I plan on having a looooooong engagement, as in 32 month loooooooooong engagement and have been very vocal about it. I’m not engaged quite yet and have been receiving snide comments already, but I feel the exact same way: Are you going to pay for me to get married next year? No? Then shut it, please. 

Post # 10
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@NauticalDisaster:  my mother let me know a few months ago that my (paternal) grandparents were no longer travelling, and that I shouldn’t count on their attendance at my wedding.  They live in Houston and I live in Madison, WI, and they simply can’t handle a half-day of travel at this point.  They’re mentally sound but physically limited.  I was shocked and pretty upset at first.  My maternal grandfather died almost a year ago, and my maternal grandmother is not long for this world, so the idea of my remaining grandparents not attending made me really sad!  But, at the same time, that information sort of freed me from my guilt about setting the wedding date so far in the future.  They wouldn’t be able to attend if I got married tomorrow.  Now I can plan on setting up a webcam so they can watch the ceremony over Skype.

Post # 11
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My parents were of course thrilled because when we got engaged we were in no position to actually get married and I’d have my diploma before it. 

It was really weird though transitioning from so long of not planning and then suddenly having wedding planning everywhere – my mothers sudden surprise that it was finally being planned wasn’t expressed in a positive manner but given time she’s not excited.

For myself it was just really weird going from over 2 years without planning to suddenly being in over my head!

Post # 12
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We are almost halfway into a 29 month engagement! (It’s technically 28 but we’re getting married right before the 29 month mark).

My family was thrilled to hear I was getting married, finally. LOL. They’d been badgering me since the 2 year mark. I told them why we were waiting (money, calm planning, etc.) and they understood. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@busybee3791:  They expected it. We’re still in university so it made sense for us to have a 2 year engagement while we finish up our degrees! It also gives more time to plan, lessens the stress etc. etc.

Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

I do not agree with people saying that a long engagement lessens the stress of wedding planning. In my opinion, our long engagement just made the stress 100X worse because it gives you extra time to obsess over EVERYTHING. Plus, the long engagement sucked some of the excitement out of it. 

With regards to our family, I don’t think anyone really cared how long our engagement was. I know everyone was glad when it was over though! Seriously, unless you HAVE to have a long engagement, I wouldn’t do it. 

 

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