Post # 1
So, I want to start off by saying that FI’s mother is a lovely person. We get along great. She is by no means a monster in law. She just doesn’t seem to GET us.
We are having a rustic, laid back, barbecue wedding with lawn games (that we are paying for ourselves). FI HATES weddings that are over the top and has mentioned multiple times that every wedding he’s been to feels like “regimented fun” and does not want that of ours. Additionally, neither of us are particularly fancy, so we decided upscale BBQ was the way to go. We’re doing ribs, roasted chicken, fancy salads, fingerling potatoes,.. that kind of thing. Our venue is an outdoor pavillion (with the most lovely rustic wood picnic tables) that is giving us the go head to decorate the night before. So we’ll be doing lots of DIY pennant banners, linens made from hankerchief paisley patterned fabrics in pretty colors (mints and pinks), rusic wood decor, white wildflowers in gold mason jars, etc. I’m over the moon about every decision I have made. The idea is to keep it laid back. Come, eat, play games, sit in the grass if you want (blankets will be provided for the adventurous to enjoy picinic style meals), dance, drink.. No assigned seating (there is more than twice as many seats as guests, so people won’t be scrambling to find a chair), no “schedule of events” following the ceremony. Just a lovely day barbecuing in a park like setting.
FI’s mother is used to a very traditional Itallian wedding. She also has family that is on the wealthy side. I really get the feeling that she thinks our wedding is too casual.. and maybe even a little embarassing. I must reiterate, she has NEVER been rude or mean. She has however given polite imput that has lead me to feel this way. She is always kind, but says things like “don’t you think that might be a little too casual?” or “do you think people might think it’s a little odd?” Things like that.
It just bums me out a little because I feel like she doesn’t really get us, and it seems she’s not really even trying to. I’m feeling like she’s used to weddings being a certain way, and is worried that ours isn’t going to fit the mold of what our wealthier guests may be expecting. I’m usually proud and excited about my “unconventional” wedding, but I find myself over explaining and making excuses for it around his family now. It’s just got me sort of down.
Anyone else having (or had) an “unconventional” wedding that they feel their families are quietly disaproving of?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@KoalaWalla: LOVE love love all your ideas! Sounds so cute and fun! We are having a welcome picnic instead of a rehersal dinner that will be like that. Our wedding is more casual with lots of off-beat components. At first my mom argued every single point. I had to explain why I wanted to do it that way, why some things HAD to be done that way and finally she understood. I do think some people will hear certain things and automatically think something negative, but once they actually experience it they will love it.
Post # 4
That’s sort of what FI keeps telling me. He thinks that it’s something his mother just isn’t used to, so she can’t visualize how what we’re talking about translates to a wedding. He’s told me a bunch of times “she’ll not only love it once she’s in the moment, but will be bowled over once she gets everything we’ve been talking about.” I hope he’s right!!
Post # 5
I know that my sister’s own affair probably diverged from every vision my mother has ever had of what her daughters’ weddings would be like, and sometimes my mother can be a bit judgmental. While she did drop a few hints here and there, my sister and brother-in-law stuck to their guns and everyone had a fantastic, fantastic time.
I hope it all works out for you! Your ideas sound lovely. 🙂
Post # 6
*Hugs* I feel exactly as you do. Our wedding is rustic and in Miami. We have some uppity family members on both sides but we are paying for everything ourselves. It tends to be the older gen of family that really don’t get it. They kinda see it as “Why would you choose a barn when you have hotels, and beaches” but that’s not our style. I’m curious as to how some of our older Cuban family members will react to country and folk music Lol. I know it should be about our union, and what we want, but I get nervous about people not getting it or people judging us for it. Thinking our wedding looked a certain way because “we’re young” etc but I do my best not to worry. I have a great support system from my moh and bms. I do ask them if they think something is too casual and they are brutally honest about everything. 🙂
Your wedding sounds absolutely wonderful, and if I were a guest I’d have a blast. Jersey has some awesome rustic spots! I even considered a wedding there since a chunk of my family lives up there. 🙂
Post # 7
@KoalaWalla: Your ideas sound so very lovely, and something I had actually thought of as well. Great minds. 🙂 I think she might change her mind when she sees everything that day and sees how happy you both are.
I’m lucky, I’ve always wanted to get married outside, that’s the one thing that was very important to me. My FI doesn’t really care (he is so adorable, his view is ‘I don’t really care about that but you do, so lets do it. If I really care about something and you don’t, we’ll do what I want.”), but I was really concerned about our folks. My mom’s response? “Yeah, I always figured you’d get married in the woods or a beach.” His family is just so happy we’re getting married in his hometown that we could be doing just about anything and they’d be happy.
Post # 8
1. Your wedding sounds so perfect. It is yours (You and your FI). Weddings should reflect who you are and your personalities; how you met, your traits, your character etc. Your FMIL should realize that you want to do something memorable that breaks the mold of convention.
2. I know exactly what you are going through. MY FMIL is a wonderful person. She’s great, but she’s very traditional and my mother is too. We are unconventional. My FI wants to go barefoot or in sandals for our wedding and skip the veil, but her mother refuses to budge. We want a wedding reception afterwards off-site in which we won’t be in attendance. My parents only tolerate our wedding-they certainly dont support it and our lack of tradition sticking alarms them. We also are forgoing the traditional wedding march in favor of an Annie Brooks song as the party and bride enter the church.
Go with your plans, it will be worth it. You will not forget a BBQ Wedding. Remember the wedding is extremely special in itself, but the every days of the marriage are just as meaningful or important as tradition bound obligatory wedding that isnt who you are as a couple. If you do the fun wedding, it shows who you are and it will be the source of happy memories because you decided to go the non-formatted route.
Post # 9
@KoalaWalla: I’d rather go to your wedding than a “normal” one for sure! 🙂 We had a pretty oddball wedding, on an ancient historical ship, we were self-uniting atheists, with a reading from the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy. Our cake toppers were anime characters, our tables were (named after) fictional spacecraft, I wore blue and colored my hair pink for the occasion.
We kept everything on a need to know basis only, and let people sort things out for themselves when they got there. Everyone called it beautiful and wonderful and had a fantastic time. I’d taper off the information… when we were speaking freely about our plans we got a lot of flack, but as soon as we clammed up and just did our thing, no one had a chance to judge our ideas until they were all presented in context of our wedding day and everyone had a great time.
Some people have a hard time imagining non-traditional ideas and worry too much about it, but when they see the final product, they get it.
Post # 10
@KoalaWalla: I think she’ll love it when she sees it all coming together. She might be worried about all the little details because that’s what mothers do!