(Closed) How did your friendships change during your engagement?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How did your friendships/relationships change during your engagement (mainly regarding BMs/GMs)
    Stayed the same : (36 votes)
    51 %
    Improved/Positive change! : (12 votes)
    17 %
    Declined/Negative change. : (18 votes)
    25 %
    Other (share your stories!) : (5 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m curious about this, too. 

    Post # 4
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Mines pretty much stayed the same.  I had been with my SO for 8 years so all of my friends were sort of waiting for us to get married so they were anticipating the engagement.

    Post # 5
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    My bridesmaids are 2 cousins and my sister which because of my wedding I talk more to which I feel has improved our relationship. My Maid/Matron of Honor is actually my friends wife. We have all known each other for about 6 years and we have always gone out and done double dates together. Well I don’t have many girlfriends and because she was the closet thing I had to a best friend I ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and we have grown REALLY close which I love. It has been a long time since I have a close girl friend.

    Post # 6
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Great question!  I drew much closer to my sister (co-MOH) and one of my BMs who got married 4 months before me.  Those relationships were already strong before I got engaged, and they only got better as we went on with wedding planning.  Another Bridesmaid or Best Man and I are pretty much the same as we were before – very busy so we don’t see each other as much as we’d like, but still great friends.

    OTOH, my other co-MOH and I haven’t been on the same page for quite awhile.  She’s single, loves to party and has a job that doesn’t require her to show up before noon.  I love to party as well, I just can’t stay out all night or get trashed on weeknights, and certainly not every night.  It caused some friction for us as our lives sort of diverged.  It all came to head last December and we had a falling out over something Not Wedding Related that still makes me shake my head.  We haven’t gotten back on track since.  It makes me sad, because she’s a loyal friend and I’m still so grateful for how she was there for me when I went through my divorce.

    Post # 7
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    For the most part they’ve stayed the same or gotten better. The only relationship that has declined is with my highschool best friend. I asked my mom to be Maid/Matron of Honor instead of her since my mom and I are really close and I knew my highschool best friend would be like a total dictator and rude to my other BMs. Ever since then she’s been more distant. I honestly think it has a lot to do with her age..she’s two years younger and she sees a wedding differently than me. In her mind she can’t grasp why I wouldn’t have her as Maid/Matron of Honor and why I wouldn’t want to make this into a huge party like she sees on TV (she’s still a Bridesmaid or Best Man though!). I really hope we can get back to where we were, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. It’s fine though, her true colours came through haha.

    Post # 8
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

     I’m having a major issue with one of my bridesmaids right now. My fiancé and I are getting married Feb 24 the same day his grandparents got married 76 years ago. We chose this date because we wanted it to be extra special. Well day before yesterday I was looking at some inspiration pictures and came across one of the bridesmaids wearing dresses that are almost exactly like the ones my girls will be wearing and teal necklaces. It looked so pretty so I sent the picture to all my BM’s and they all loved it. All but one. She immediately told me NO! She wasn’t taking off the necklace her boyfriend gave her! She claimed that it was her day too and that she has already compromised enough of her day as is. She keeps going on and on about how it is HER day! Why? Because her and her boyfriend made their relationship official on Feb 24 and that will be their one year anniversary even though they have been dating for over 5 years now. Her and her bf are both in the wedding and he is my fiancé’s roommate and he thinks she is being ridicules. I told her she didn’t have to take her necklace off and suggested that she just wear the other necklace over it long enough to take pictures and she still said no absolutely not and is being so rude to me I don’t even want her at our wedding anymore because I am afraid she will just cause drama. Any advice?

    Post # 9
    1556 posts
    Bumble bee

    I chose my cousin as my Maid/Matron of Honor over my friend who at one time was my best friend, but that changed. I still put my former best friend in my bridal party, but just as a bridesmaid rather than Maid/Matron of Honor. I remember feeling torn that I did not make her my Maid/Matron of Honor. During my entire engagement she was very jealous. At my bachelorette she was socially akward and made my Maid/Matron of Honor pay for her and her drink after it was agreed they would both chip in. During my bridal shower after I left with my fiancé, she told my Maid/Matron of Honor behind my back that I had quit my job last year because “she thought she knew”. She tried to take things from my shower (not gifts) and kept e-mailing me why we were no longer close (after she had let it slip about my job). I felt I could not longer trust her. The wedding day was akward and she kept trying to fix my dress, etc, as if she was Maid/Matron of Honor. I felt bad but I am still hurt because that was very sensitive information and I felt she betrayed me.

    My Maid/Matron of Honor, my cousin, and I continue to become very close.

    Post # 10
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    My matron of honor was my sister in law and my man of honor was my son…. so yeah, it was smooth sailing from start to finish. The best man was Mr. LK’s best friend of 2 decades. Again, no issues. I think that the key to bridal party harmony is to choose wisely and/or accept that people will not change who they are just because you want them to behave themselves for your wedding.

    Post # 11
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Mine stayed the same.  Maybe got better?  I went out of my way to not talk about the wedding with them and treat them as I always had.

    Post # 12
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    One of mine was damaged forever as my Maid/Matron of Honor turned weird and uninterested and a bit offish when I got engaged and didn’t arrange anything properly. I was never able to forgive her.

    Post # 13
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Mine have mostly been the same except that I am starting to hate FI’s best man who has caused nothing but issues. Also I find that other friends who I was close with but can’t attend my Destination Wedding either make a point of bringing up that they really wish they could come but can’t, or avoid me entirely:( I am feeling pretty let down by a lot of my friends honestly. I totally get that they can’t come, but I am disappointed since they all initially said that of course they were going to be there!

    Post # 14
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Sad to say, but Darling Husband and I both lost almost all of our friends during the wedding planning. What gives?! I had one friend (my BM) and my sister (MoH) show up, and only his brother (BM). Out of….8 in the original bridal party.

    Some people can’t handle others’ happiness and/or success.

    Post # 15
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’ve still got almost a year to go, but my friendships have stayed the same. I long ago cut out negative, unstable friends from my life. I only stayed friends with those that actually truly care enough to want me to be happy no matter what, and those that I feel the same towards.

    All my BMs are either family or practically family. 

    Post # 16
    3772 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think it brought a magnifying glass to most and showed me who truly was my friend and who were not really my friends and were the judgmental ones. So some improved and some deteriorated/ended. This is especially the case when you’re having a small wedding.

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