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I know this questions worn out by now, but I was just looking for opinions from those who have already had people using it or who are done with thier weddings.
I'm not having a shower, and I don't know weather to expect guests to use this as a shower replacement? Do some people buy gifts off of the registry AND bring a card to the wedding (in our area, people always give cash at the wedding, even after attending a shower). Im in no way hoping i get two gifts from everyone, I'm just sort of weighing out the options of having the registry at all if it all turns out to be the same in the end anyway and is not too much of a gift replacement.
I have to admit we are having fun setting it up and I think most of our guests will react well to it, im just wondering if you had good enough experience to warrrant the PayPal fees - did you have any bad reactions? Did guests use it as a "shower" gift? Did you still get random presents? How did you let guests know about your honeymoon registry? Did you have any good feedback from guests?
Let me know any of your experiences!!
We're setting up with Honeyfund.
Thanks!!!!
We used a honeymoon registry for our wedding and the guests loved it! I think it's because we had a small wedding (70 guests) and everyone knew how much my husband and I love to travel. The convenience was definitely worth the PayPal fees -- we actually used this new service called Wanderable, which doesn't even have ads in their free version. It was so pretty and really easy to use -- our guests loved it! We didn't mention our registries at all, but we put a sentence or two on our wedding website, on a subpage, that said "The greatest gift is really your presence at the wedding..." and then tactfully put a link to our honeymoon registry. We didn't really get random presents at all.
I've said this before, so I'll say it succintly here. I personally hate honeyfund/cash registries/or anything similar. I am more than happy to write a check to the couple, but I, for one, will not participate in the honeyfund type things. But that is only my opinion, and I am very traditional in my opinions on weddings, so not up-to-date with this stuff, I guess. I brought it up with my mother to get her perspective of the honeymoon registries, and she said she wouldn't give a gift at that point. So, in my circle, they're frowned upon. That being said, it depends on your circle, whether yourfamily/friends would be receptive, and so on. (I'm not trying to be rude...just voicing the other side of the argument as I see it!)
I don't think you can expect people to contribute to both the honeyfund registry and give money at the wedding. Like you said, it's basically two gifts. I think you'll either get one or the other.
@abbie017: Can I ask why you don't like them? I'd like to understand your opinion more.
Thanks
Thanks for posting this post. We are doing a honeymoon registry and I am really hoping this is a successful registry. It would be so helpful to us. We are having a small wedding of about 70 guest 45-50 of those guest are coming in from out of town, so I am hoping people choice this options. We used Honeyfund and so far our guest love the idea, so I hope this use it :) But I am not expecting people to give on both registry. I expect them to use one or the other, like I would do if I was attending someones wedding and they had a honeymoon registry.
@abbie017: I would also like to understand this more. My FI and I have lived together for 4 years, we have a house and everything we need. I was just planning on not registering at all and letting people either choose to give us money or a gift that they think is appropriate, how do you feel about that? And I just dont consider giving someone money for their honeymoon offensive, It doesn't bother me whatsoever.
I did a honeyfund registry as well and I received mostly cash at my bridal shower so I'm guessing it will be similar at the wedding, especially since most of our guests are traveling and my FI and I have been together for many years and own a home together already. I've heard great things about them and people saying that they got to live like kings and queens on their honeymoon because of people being generous with the honeymoon registry. I'm saving up the money to pay for our honeymoon regardless of what happens with the registry but it wouldn't definitely be a nice treat to have guests pay for most of it ;)
I'm the opposite of @abbie017, if I'm invited to a wedding with a honeymoon registry and a regular registry I will most likely gift the guests something off of the honeymoon registry! I think it's way more fun to give guests an "experience" than another THING for their home. Plus there are so many fun ways you can give something like that.
Each to their own, though!
@girlwiththeredhair: Hi, how did you end up with mostly cash for your shower? I wasn't planning on registering for our wedding but I have no idea what to do for my shower
@Missloveknot: and @scadadle15: I don't like the honeyfund idea because it's asking me, as your guest, to pay for your big vacation. Part of the reason is also because alluding to gifts at all is rude, and you do have to advertise the honeyfund (which I know you do with registries as well, but I guess registries has a more tangible outcome?) I will happily write a couple a check for their future, however they decide to spend it, but I the idea of paying for them to swim with dolphins or scuba dive doesn't sit right with me. I guess in my mind, my gift is for the development of their life together, not a big fancy vacation.
My FI and I have lived together for 2 years (it'll be 3 at the wedding), and we have everything that we need. Having a small registry and encouraging (without asking) for cash gifts is acceptable; it's actually what I'm doing.
I hope this makes sense?
I think, for me anyway, honeymoon registries are kind of misleading. Let's say I want to give a $100 gift. If I give the honefund $100, the couple will only end up with some of that money. I think I'm buying you a nice dinner for two, but HoneyFund is actually taking part of my gift due to fees, then giving the couple a lump sum. So not only did my entire gift not make it to the couple, I've been led to believe they are having a nice dinner on me, which is not the case.
In some circles, these types of funds work, but in mine they are definitely frowned upon, mostly for taking the fees out of the gifts and for being somewhat misleading. Just my opinion though, for what it's worth.
@abbie017: So registering for some activities on a honeymoon is offensive but registering for say a blender is fine? Because a blender is going towards our life together? Really? Isn't making memories with your new spouse just as meaningful if not more so than a blender?
I just don't understand how a registry for household items is somehow less of a gift grab than a honeymoon registry.
I have both listed on my wedding website but it's not like we're printing it in the invitation.
I just don't understand this reasoning at all.
We made a honeyfund and the reaction from my family (for those who have asked for registry information early) has been tremendous. We are really the first couple to do a "real" wedding in this generations and all of the new things that are available for weddings are kind of being "showcased" at our event. Our families couldn't be more exicted!
@DaneLady: Honeyfund allows the couple to print a "certificate" and give a check or cash - this does not take anything from the couple. If you chose to pay directly with paypal (which, I imagine, not many people will) it takes a nominal fee out of the contribution. So nominal, actually, its less than tax which arguably is a better use of your money to the couple than paying the state (in AL, at least) 8% off the top.
I will be using a honeyfund because personally, I would find it extremely more meaningful to GIVE a gift specifically earmarked for a honeymoon purpose than to give cash or a blender that was not requested. And it doesn't matter if it is received as a lump sum, my friends can look at their honeyfund and see that I chose something special that they wanted. Further, not all honeyfund registries take a cut of the gift, and some honeyfund gifts are given directly to the couple and the giver just uses the honeyfund service to earmark what it is for.
Saying "here is my honeyfund" is NO more offensive than saying "here is my registry." Both things are gifts, and equally polite/impolite. To imply otherwise is just a meaningless semantic argument, imho.
@scadadle15: Like I said, it's my opinion. I tried to explain it to you, and I don't appreciate the attitude you're giving back just because you don't agree. I'm not knocking you for doing it, I just personally don't agree with it. It's not to say I wouldn't gift at all; if I were a guest at your wedding, I'd simply write you a check. You can then put that check towards scuba diving or towards a rainy day fund or a blender.
@scadadle15: I totally agree with you. I feel like people who get uppity about honeyfunds are just sticklers for (outdated) etiquette. It really bugs me because you'd think that as guests, they could appreciate that their friend/family member/coworker (who regards them as special enough to invite to their wedding!) has good intentions and isn't trying to offend guests. What is there to be offended about? I don't mean to sound rude, but I feel like people really need to get over themselves sometimes and just give people the benefit of the doubt... There is a lot more in life to get offended over than whether a bride & groom would prefer a blender or a scuba trip on their honeymoon.
Plus, oftentimes when guests give cash, the couple will mention what they intend to use it for in their thank you note. For instance, my parents gave a nice check to a friend of mine for her wedding, and in the thank you, the bride said that because of their gift, she & her husband were able to go white water rafting on their honeymoon. Were my parents offended because the money wasn't used for a crystal vase or home renovations or whatever? Hell no! They loved knowing that their gift helped make for a memorable honeymoon.
@Missloveknot: My family just tends to give cash and my grandma and mom spread the word that we'd prefer cash I think. So mostly word-of-mouth I guess!
I don't think Abbie was being "uppity" at all. She was just expressing an opinion, as was I. We personally aren't fans of honeymoon registries, and people in our area frown upon them. No big deal, it's just an opinion, take it or leave it.
@Ms Bookworm: EXACTLY. When I wrote my thank you notes for my bridal shower I mentioned that the money was used towards pots and pans because we bought a new set of (desperately needed) pots and pans so used the cash from my BS to get them. After the wedding I will write in the thank you note what the guests money was used for, and it will most likely be for a fun adventure on our honeymoon that we may not have done otherwise :)
And yes, I totally agree that people need to give the couple more the benefit of the doubt and not get all up in arms about things like this.
@DaneLady: Hmmm from my understanding Honeyfund doesn't actually take a percentage of the money at all and that's why I chose to go with Honeyfund. I know that some honeymoon registries do though. I think most of our friends and family will just give us cash and cheques but it was fun setting up the Honeyfund site so they can see what we will be using the money towards!
Also that allows the guest to have some fun with it. I know that my friend was gifted a scuba diving excursion from one of her guests at her wedding and the guest made a really fun homemade scuba diving card that had a cheque inside! I've also heard of guests putting the cheque or cash into a paper airplane or something so that the way the couple knows it's intended to go towards their honeymoon.
I totally respect your opinions on honeymoon registries though! That's just my take on it :)
@DaneLady: Perhaps "uppity" was not exactly the right word. I just get tired of seeing the same responses to threads like these (which was not asking for opinions, BTW, just experiences from those who have done honeyfunds). No one seems to have any good reasoning for being so offended by a honeyfund that they would end up not giving a gift at all (!), or give less than they would have had the couple not had a honeyfund...
Times change and etiquette rules change. It seems that if a person is going to be offended by a honeyfund they should be offended by registries in general because either way, you are basically telling your guests what to give you.
@DaneLady: Thanks! I was trying really hard to be diplomatic about this! It's my own opinion that I don't like them, I'm not knocking anyone else! More power to you if this is what you want to do; it's not my cup of tea, and it's not accepted in my circle. Everyone is different! I was just sharing a different point of view!
@Ms Bookworm: I gave my reasons for not liking them. Maybe I'm "uppity" and "outdated" (your words), but it's my opinion and it's worth just as much as yours.
I think Honeyfund is a cool idea. Most of my guest are flying in for our wedding. So if they was going to walk with a gift it can cost them extra money anyway to carry a gift down. Also, for those who don't have the extra money and don't want to come to a wedding empty handed at least they can use they credit card to buy a small item off our honeymoon registry. Keep in mind, our honeyfund is set up in $25-$50 increments. So I don't think anyone was upset or offensive about it. They all thought it was a cool idea. If I was invited to a wedding with a Honeymoon registry I would take part in it because I feel this is a guide on what the couple wants or need instead of guessing on a gift.
@scadadle15: I'm with abbie. Yes, registering for a vacation can be considered offensive (and is by many people) while registering for a blender is not. Wedding gifts are traditionaly supposed to help the couple start their lives together. You don't NEED a vacation, but you do NEED stuff for your house. I think there's a difference between asking for some pots and pans to help you cook and asking for a fancy dinner at a luxury hotel. If you already have everything you need, then you either have a small registry or don't register for anything at all and, if asked, you say you are saving up for a HM. People will get the hint.
Also, HM registeries are essentially asking for cash and asking for cash is considered rude (at least in the US). As another PP pointed out, they are also deceiving. A guest doesn't actually buy you an activity. They just pay X amount then the registry company gives you a check for only maybe 90% of what the guest paid (they have to make their money some how) and there is no guarantee for the guest that you'll use the money on the activity that they selected. So why can't guests just write you a check instead? You get the full amount and you're not deceiving anyone.
Does that make sense? Some peole are fine with HM registries, but remember that a lot aren't. I'm all for giving people experiences, so if you tell me you're saving for a HM I'll probably give you cash, but I won't ever buy something from a HM registry.
I like honeyfunds and would love to give experience gifts to the couple. So far, no one I know have had one.
We would love to start one but looking at my guest list, the vast majority (actually, all of them come to think of it) would probably not look kindly towards it. I have the feeling that they would be something like "Honeymoons are a luxury. We never had that and even now, we still don't have that so why should we pay for this couple to stay in a $800 per night safari lodge?".
@RunsWithBears: I feel like before you make such an ultimatum, you should research honeymoon funds a bit more. A) They don't all take money, B) Asking for cash may be considered rude in your circle, but not in all of the US - and, indeed, honeyfund is not asking for "cash" in the traditional sense and C) Why hint at what I want when directly asked for registry information? Just because I don't need pots and pans, I shouldn't tell my guests what I would like when they request the information?
It's fine if you don't like them, but the reasons that you presented here are inaccurate.
I think there is a lot of misleading and false information being said here.
Many honeymoon registries do not charge any fees to use their service. What does charge a fee is Paypal which is 2.9% + $0.30 per transaction. This is not even close to the 10% quoted above.
If you choose to send cash or check, there is no fee.
I see a lot of responses like, "Why should I pay to send them on a vacation?" Personally, I think that starts to sound a little envious. Why should I? Because these are my friends and I would personally like to contribute to their happiness and have a hand in their fantastic experience. Yes, honeymoons are a luxury, but do the couple not deserve it? Are these not people that you care about? Besides, once I do the politically correct thing and buy sheets, they just return it for the money and use it on the trip anyway. So, lets just stop beating around the bush. As I've said before I don't understand how going to a store with a registry and saying,"Hmmm. Do I buy a blender, sheets, china, or a vacuum?" is any different than going to a honeymoon registry and saying,"Hmmm. Do I buy the couple a bottle of wine, rent them bicycles for the day, put flowers in their room, or buy them dinner?"
@jinh: Like I've said a couple times - if they're doing the fund, I'll write them a check. I'm not buying them random stuff they don't want or I know they'll never use. I'll happily give money. It's my perogative to not use the honeymoon fund, just as other brides may like to use it. In my circle, the honeymoon fund isn't really accepted. If it is elsewhere, more power to them!
Honestly ladies, it's just a different opinion. No one is telling you what to do, and no one is attacking anyone's use of the honeymoon fund. We're all just trying to explain the other side of the issue! You don't have to change your opinion, you just have to admit that I have the right to my own opinion, and I have the right to express it here without being called things like "uppity!" (Not aimed at you jinh, someone else said it before)
I think all of this registry stuff is so complicated. And i also hate when people say they feel like they are being invited to a wedding because of a gift. I am paying for my own wedding and the cost per person is definitely more then what an average gift is....I don't what the right thing to do is, it seems someone will be offended either way
@abbie017: Okay, I wasn't calling YOU uppity, and I later said that wasn't the best word to use to describe what I meant. My comment was not directed AT YOU, but at people in general who get offended by honeyfunds. The reason I chimed in here is because it seems like every thread like this derails into people saying honeyfunds are rude, which is not helpful to the OP (or anyone else set on doing a honeyfund), who is just looking for experiences of those brides who have done honeymoon registries.
FYI- I heard about Honeyfund from my maid of honor, who is an PR Executive at Amex in NYC. She says she has been invited to many weddings throughout Wall St and they used this fund. When I got engaged she asked me to check it out and I did and loved it. She makes well over 6 figures and loved the idea.
We are doing a destination wedding and we have a honeyfund registry and also a traditional registry. Satisfies all types of people. The Chinese side will likely just give money. =)
@aliavenue: A. I'll stand corrected on the Honeyfun one. I should have clarified that not ALL charge a fee, but there are quite a few that do. I've heard that most do. It's still deceiving though. You still don't actually get a day at the spa, you get a check to use for a day at the spa, but your guest is led to believe they bought you a day at the spa.
B. I have to disagree, asking for cash is considered improper etiquette (ie rude) in the US and is not based on circles. Here's what Emily Post and Miss Manners have to say about cash.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=8858003
It's perfectly fine to give and receive cash though.
And here's what Miss Manners has to say about HM Registries.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=29734290
C. If you don't need pots and pans, you just say you're saving up for XYZ. Then, if they feel comfortable giving cash, then they will.
OP, sorry this got derailed. Someone asked why people find them rude and I thought I'd give my 2 cents. If you use a site that doesn't charge a fee and you don't think that your guests will be offended then I don't see a huge problem doing and it sounds like Honeyfund is the way to go. However, just be aware that many people do find them rude.
@RunsWithBears: Hmm, this is what Peter Post, the president of the Emily Post Institute, says about honeymoon registries: "A honeymoon is a perfectly appropriate gift to request. There's no objection to it from an etiquette point of view." (Source)
Also, I don't really understand this point of yours: It's still deceiving though. You still don't actually get a day at the spa, you get a check to use for a day at the spa, but your guest is led to believe they bought you a day at the spa.
The guest DID buy a day at the spa. I mean, I think it goes without saying that of course the guest isn't wrapping up a day at the spa in a box to give to you...? Since that's impossible. Wouldn't the guest understand that s/he is giving money with the intention of it being used on what s/he picked from the registry? (And if the couple decides to pocket the cash and not use it on what it was intended for, that's rude, and that's their own faux pas, but not the fault of the entire concept of honeyfunds.)
@Ms Bookworm: Huh. That's actually really interesting. I honestly would have thought otherwise. But I guess this is why it's still a hot topic. It's going to be a Miss Manners vs. Emily Post showdown!
To continue with your updated post. I guess I consider it deceiving because you're not getting a gift card/certificate to the spa nor has the guest actually set up an appointment at the spa for you. You get a check which is earmarked for the spa but could be used for whatever the couple wants. However, the guest is led to believe that they actually gave you a spa day and not just money that could be used for it. I agree, it would be rude for the couple to not use the money for what it was intended. And no, it's the fault of the HM registry, but it's an issue with having one. Also, I don't think people give cash for the intent that it be used towards the registry. I always thought it was more to be used however the couple saw fit. That's how I've always given cash, but please correct me if that's wrong.
According to research the average couple spent $50 on a gift for a wedding. I don't know about you but our wedding is costing $75 pp ($150 a couple). So I am certainly not invited people for the gift. But I also wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift. So I rather get what the couple wants.
I have 4 registry on our website so if they don't want to use the honeymoon fund then they can used the others. At least this gives people options. I hate going to a wedding and all they have is 1 registry with limited or pricey items on the list.
we used depositagift.com for our honeymoon registry (plus we put furniture on it b/c with depositagift you can register for anything. such an easy way to break up contributions to big ticket items)). our guests loved it. noone found it deceptive because we were clear that they were contributing towards the parts of the trip and the furniture. the reason these are helpful is because most guests like a registry to work from and most aren't typically inclined to give monetary gifts. this still lets them pick out a gift, gives them a registry as a guide so they aren't guessing (not having a registry can sometimes be more stressful for people b/c they don't know what to do), make it convenient b/c hey can pay with credit card, and takes away the stress of having to hope people don't buy you a bunch of stuff you don't need. which they will. my sister learned the hard way, and i learned from her. depositagift.com does charge a small fee but its still less than tax and it's a much nicer site than honeyfund (which is not free btw. either you pay an upgrade fee or there are ads on your registry. and if you dont' want it to be an IOU format which is more complicate for guests, when they have to use paypal, which is cumbersome IMHO.)
Whether you decide to do a honeymoon registry or not (which I am personally kind of against), you should remember that for soem of your guests, giving a gift they think you will have for the rest of your life and remember them every time you use is really important, so you should have a traditional registry as well.
As for experience, my Ex-H convinced me to do register for honeymoon gifts through Sandals (since we HMed with them) and we got about $20 through it, so I compromised on something I really didn't want to do and dirently propositioned cash gifts, and it ended up being for nothing.
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