(Closed) How did your marriage change after your first baby?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
6826 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Our happiness didn’t take a nose dive. More like sleep deprived and snap a little more at each other due to lack of sleep.  I am just as happy in my marriage before little man was born. 

Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We are so in awe of these beautiful lives we created, and it keeps us more motivated to make our marriage a happy one. But you have to make time for each other and don’t fall into a pattern of living like roommates. 

Post # 5
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, our baby is still growing, but I bet it has a lot to do with what your marriage/ relationship is/ was like before baby.  I am sure the stress of baby exacerbates things.  Darling Husband and I have been through a lot of challenges together already that we have overcome and have dealt with one another at our worst.  I have heard no matter what you do, the first year is dysfunctional, but worth it!

I think good communication and clear expectations about roles with baby (who will do what, who will help with what, what you expect of one another) will go a long way- and knowing those things before baby arrives/ discussing them prior to baby is probably a smart idea.

Post # 6
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Darling Husband and I had an amazing relationship before our beautiful son was born. Afterward our relationship changed a lot! Sometimes I feel like we’re roomates and not husband and wife b/c we’re so concerned about making sure our baby is happy and has everything he needs. We forget about each other and frankly we just don’t have the energy sometimes.

Our DS is 3 months old and things are getting back on track and we’re getting along almost like old times. A baby puts a lot of stress on anyone, but keeping a relationship happy healthy just takes a lot more effort and time now,

Post # 7
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@JewishBride:  Don’t lose heart–3 months was magical for us, we totally reconnected as husband and wife then.  (If you don’t believe me, see the fact that I have a 7 month old and I’m 5 months pregnant.)  Before that, it was all about survival mode.

To OP: Yes, of course it’s hard.  Of course there are adjustments.  But I don’t think our marriage took a nosedive at all.  I love my Darling Husband in a totally different way now, and in all honesty, I think I’m happier now.  (This is big for me to say, I obsessively wondered if having a baby would wreck our marriage.)

The most important things, are communication, clear expectations, and not keeping score.  Just because you were up one night with the baby, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get up the next night if your partner just can’t pull it together.

Darling Husband was great about this, he did all of the middle of the night feedings every Friday and Saturday.  Every single one.  He reasoned that I deserved those two nights of uninterrupted sleep after being on baby duty all day.  I did all night Sunday so he could be prepared for the work week.  But Monday-Thursday we each did two, normally.

However, there were lots of nights when one of us would say “Let me grab the feedings tonight Honey, you look tired.”  He shoved me out the door to get a Pedicure when she was two months old, even though I told him I didn’t want to go.  When “Hunger Games” came out, Dirty Delete was a month old.  We didn’t have a babysitter we trusted, so we alternated–DH walked the baby around the mall so I could see the movie first, and then the next day, I hung out with her at home so he could see it.

I could go on about this, but really, you just have to work at it.  And if you turn on each other in the early days (and you probably will) let it go, because the only other person who knows how tired/stressed/overwhelmed you are is your partner.

Post # 8
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Quietserenity:  You give really great advice and being that I found out I’m pregnant 27 days after my wedding you make me feel really happy about the way this can be :), I was really worried that we’d sort of shot ourselves in the foot. Thanks for the inspiring words!

Post # 9
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Quietserenity:  Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ll try to remember it for someday. 🙂

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