(Closed) How did your parents/parent-in-laws react??

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didnt but I always think the best way to address situations like this is honesty and a conversation

Your FI should say to them (not you, at least not yet) “You dont seem excited/supportive of the engagement. You seem to have worries. Can you share them with me so we can discuss them”

It may or may not be a semi-easy fix but it will be easier if you know. Not only that, sometimes people do not know how their reactions affect people around them until they are made aware. It could be shock that they were not let in on the secret or it could be something more. Find out.

Post # 4
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Meh…we didn’t a big reaction. Of course, we had just had a baby, so it wasn’t like it was a big surprise! I’m certain that my dad just wishes we went to the courthouse and got it over with…which is funny since that was what HE did and always regretted it! So much so that when he got remarried, his church group all chipped in and planned a ‘real’ wedding for him and my stepmom! 

Post # 6
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My parents weren’t happy at all. 

My in-laws were thrilled and very happy for us. 

Post # 7
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’ve told my parents and my Nana that we are getting engaged (bought the ring should have it in about a week) and our two best friends (the BM definitely wins most excited about the wedding) they are excited about the wedding and my mom is already offering to plan it even though our date is almost two years away. However he hasn’t said a peep to his parents because he is afraid of their reaction. We have been together for 6 years and his mother and grandmother have tried numerous times to get him to break up with me for their (not his) religious reasons. his grandmother even wrote him a letter to this effect about two years ago. They are nice to me in person but appreantly say these kind of things to him behind my back. Earlier this year he had a rather large fight with his mother about moving out of state to move in with me (we had been LDR for 4 years) She refused to help him move or to come visit us. So his father (they are still married) help SO move. he is super nervous about telling them because he is pretty sure they are going to yell at him and question his decision instead of being happy for him. I’m kind of dreading Christmas because of the impending drama.

Post # 9
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Lalk2bee:  We are young as well, we both turned 23 last week. I think their problem with me is twofold. 1. Religion 2. I intimidate them.

SO’s mother and grandmother are very religious and both married not religious men. They have it in their heads that SO is a religious as them (not true) and that he will regret marrying me, an atheist. They are trying to fix things that they regret about their own lives by controlling his life.

FMIL is a management level school lunch lady. She wishes she had done something more with her life and got more education. She has pretty low self esteem and compensates by taking down the people around her (she has taught SO to have low self esteem which has caused quite a few problems for us that we are working on). I went to a large university on scholarship and graduated with honors. I am now a research scientist and I plan to go back to grad school and get my PhD. She can’t understand what I do (to be fair most people don’t) and has made remarks about how wonderful it is that I am smart enough to follow my dreams implying that most people/women aren’t.

For the first I refuse to be a hippocrite and lie about religous beliefs as that violates my personal moral code. There is not much that I can do about the second because it is in her head and I can’t change those things about me.

On the plus side his dad and his dad’s side of the family loves me so it’s only really two people we have to deal with.

 

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

They were both happy for us, luckily. His parents knew he was proposing that day. My parents did not, but I had dropped hints so that they knew a ring had been purchased and that it would be coming soon. I know my dad well enough to know that he needed some time to adjust to the idea before it happened, and that I would get a much happier reaction if he wasn’t totally surprised, and I was right.

Post # 11
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee

Telling our families was my favorite part of getting engaged!

My parents were pretty unemotional – they knew it was coming because he’d asked my dad, and they just asked immediately for a date. Hahaha. My little brother just sat in the corner of the room and beamed, my little sister started bouncing up and down and asking a million questions. (They’re both twelve.)

As soon as we walked into FI’s parent’s house, his mother demanded to “see it” and pulled me into an enormous hug. FI’s dad came in and squeezed me half to death in a hug. (Everyone in his family is over 6 foot and I am only 5’5″ and built small, so I felt like a little kid being pushed and pulled from here to there!) FI’s 10-year-old sister didn’t know what was going on, so when she asked I held up my hand to show her the ring. Her eyes got all big, she gasped, and then went right back to eating her soup. LOL.

My older siblings all reacted well and our grandparents were hilarious, but that’d be a lot of story telling to get into all that. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

His parents were over the moon thrilled. His mom cried.

My mother was indifferent. My step mother cried and gave us both big old hugs. My father just said congratulations. I don’t care. I’m too old to care. If you’re happy, great. If you’re not, that’s your problem.

Post # 15
Member
7468 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My FI’s dad said “OH SHIT!!!”…but then he was happy. I think he was just caught off guard. My mom was really happy for us.

Post # 16
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We got engaged on Christmas Day at my parents’ house. My mom was napping when it happened, and after she woke up and we told her, she thought we were joking.  It took a good 2-3 minutes of convincing and finally my dad telling her it was real for her to get it!  I’ve never figured out if it was because she was still sleepy, she just wasn’t expecting it or something else, but it was pretty funny.

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