(Closed) How did your small children act during the ceremony?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I suggest that if you want your toddler to behave on your wedding day that you start  by immediately teaching him that his “I want mommy” tantrums will not garner the response he wants. That response ultimately being your attention and fussing.

Plain and simple, you have taught your 3 year old this behavior. Over time he has been conditioned to understand crying, tantrums and being obnoxious = mommy stopping what she is doing and paying attention to me (either through coddling or yelling at him). You need to stop doing so immediately.

At three he is old enough to be spoken too and to understand boundries and consequence. You need to find a “threat” and stick to it…ie. If he starts fussing you state “Stop or else you’re going to your room”. When he doesn’t (he won’t the first couple times) you take him and put him in his room. Don’t forget to tell him why he’s being put there. Most Important!!! Give him the consequence/reward for behaving!! IE : “You’re going to your room because you’re being a bad boy. You can come back out when you can behave yourself”.

Now, be prepared! There will be one HELL of a fight the first couple times. The tantrum will reach new levels. No matter how bad it gets, you can’t relent. Don’t try to reason with him, he’s three!!! You’re the parent and what you say is law! When you think the tantrum has passed, approach and ask if he’s ready to behave himself. If the answer is “yes” he’s free to go whereas if the tantrum resumes, give him more time in his “time out”.

Trust me, it won’t take long (3-5 meltdowns) for him to figure out that he has only two choices: Behave or Misbehave. And he should know by then the consequences of both of these.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the previous poster that the long term solution is behavioral change for you and your son; however, I’ll offer a short term solution. It seems likeyou’re fairly certain that it will happen, so

If it happens before the ceremony, I would just give the rings to the best man and pull him from the ceremony.

I think that you should sit in an aisle seat, so that if it happens while he’s going down the aisle you can just stand up, take his hand and escort him down the aisle give the rings to the officiant or best man and then down the side aisle and out. Obviously less than ideal, but the best thing is to try to remedy the situation quickly and keep the attention on the couple.

Similarly, if it happens after he’s walked down the aisle just try to quickly escort him down a side aisle. 

After he’s out it’s up to you whether you leave him with a babysitter.

I think that everyone that includes kids knows that they might not do what you want.

Post # 5
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Zusie:  I think that sounds like a good idea, except I think in this case the OP is the bride. But perhaps a designated person that the child knows could be in that aisle seat and perform that role. 

Post # 6
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think that you should sit in an aisle seat, so that if it happens while he’s going down the aisle you can just stand up, take his hand and escort him down the aisle give the rings to the officiant or best man and then down the side aisle and out. Obviously less than ideal, but the best thing is to try to remedy the situation quickly and keep the attention on the couple.

Similarly, if it happens after he’s walked down the aisle just try to quickly escort him down a side aisle.

TO Zusie: Good suggestion IF the Poster was just a Guest, or even the MOH or a Bridesmaid… but if you read her post she is THE BRIDE.

Whole other ball of wax… and no doubt WHY she is so stressed about the whole thing (does her Son the Ring Bearer end up in a seat in the audience, which would be the norm… or does he have a tantrum and end up in Mommy’s Arms during the Saying of the Vows ?)

— — —

TO – Happy7:  Honestly this is a tough one… and I feel for you.  Think it is a situation where no matter how much you plan / prepare for (have a back up plan) it really is going to be up to your Son and his Mood in the Moment.

As your Wedding is Late September, and 6 Weeks away I’d be looking at Behaviour Modification with him… as per musicalrose’s : suggestion so hopefully you can head this off at the pass / prevent it from happening altogether.

Good Luck,

 

Post # 7
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think musicalrose said it best, but as a back up plan, I’d have his babysitter escort him out if he does have a meltdown.  He won’t remember it, so try not to feel badly and just enjoy your (quiet) moment with your new husband.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 

We had my 3 year old nephew as our ring bearer and a few weeks before the wedding I told him I had a job only a big 3 year old could do. “Do you know any 3 year olds that could be in charge of carrying the rings”? Of course he said “I could do it”. I tried to make him feel super important and told him what an important job it was. It didn’t hurt to tell him I had a prize for him when the wedding was over.

Does this sound like it might work for your son?

Post # 9
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Maybe have someone he trusts on standby to comfort or remove him if necessary? At my friend’s wedding this summer her toddler called for her loudly almost the entire ceremony, and then started to wail over their vows. It was a lot for the little guy (and everyone’s ears, lol) to handle.

Post # 11
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

My teen daughter is walking my 2 years old son down the aisle along with my 3 year old flower girl- after that, they will be escorted from the ceremony and will wait for us to take pictures. No experience yet but I have a few tricks up my sleeve, including candy just in case they get too unruly.

Post # 12
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DH’s two sons walked down the aisle together (6 and 7 years old), no rings or pillows. We told them up at the rehearsal that if they couldn’t make it through to just go sit down. They only stood up at the altar for a few minutes then went to sit with family in the audience. That’s fine by me and allowed us to focus on either other and the boys were amused.

Post # 13
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It depends on how involved you want your child to be.  At my friend’s wedding, her two-year old started throwing this big tantrum during the ceremony to a point that she had to carried her during the ceremony.  Though she didn’t say it to anyone else, she admitted to me that she should have asked someone to escort the child.  She said their whole lives revolved around their kids (they have 4) and the exchange of her vows with her husband was the one intimate moment she had wanted with him. Although she was happy with the kids being involved in the ceremony, she still thinks of that one moment that wasn’t.  

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

We had five kids in our wedding, seven and under.  Everybody was obedient and stood in their places while we said our vows except our nearly three-year-old nephew.  Originally, I was worried he’d get scared or something, but his mommy was in the wedding and his grandparents were all in the first row in front of him.  So, he didn’t get scared amongst the familiar faces and also with his cousins/uncles standing there with him.  He just couldnt’ stand still.  I never expected him to, so it didn’t bother me.  But, he took my “Here Comes The Bride” sign and stuck it in the sand and started building sandcastles around it.  His diaper was poking out from his suit pants.  It was cute, but not disruptive.  Everyone still paid attention to DH and I, even with a cute kid playing in the sand right at our feet.

Post # 15
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@musicalrose:  THIS!  The child definitely needs to be taught that mommy’s arms are not always gonna immediately drop everything and scoop him up.  It’s gonna be hard when he starts school.  My MIL was like this with her youngest child and that child never grew up.  She’s 22 and the tantrums persist, even still.  Of course the tantrums are about other things, like wanting something righthisminute.  She always gets what she wants, too.  It’s a cycle.  I know it seems harmless to run to your child everytime they start to whine, but it does spill over into other areas and can become problematic.

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