Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
Some recent threads on the bee have gotten me thinking about exes. Specifically, how do all you bees feel about your FI’s exes?
Are they friends? Are you okay with them being friends?
Do they not talk or hate each other? If they don’t talk is it because you set boundaries?
I’m just curious to see how various bees handle this sensitive topic. Any input is greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Mr. 99 and his ex wife do not speak, but before things went south between them, she was at our wedding reception and we’d gone out socially with her and her FI at the time…so I honestly don’t care….One of my best friends is an old college flame and Mr. 99 could care less….I think every relationship is different, for us, it’s a non-issue.
Post # 4
There is no space in my relationship for exes on either side.
Post # 5
We broke up? You need to not exist anymore.
Thats my take on things.
Post # 6
My husband and his ex wife are ‘friends’. Whatever, I don’t like it. They don’t really ever talk, only if something major happens. The last time they talked was because one of their mutual friends died and she called to tell him. They don’t chit chat or anything like that. I don’t talk to my exes at all, I see no reason to. They were all jerks.
Post # 7
Niether of us have spoken with our exes in years.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Generally, I find it inappropriate because it tends to mean they haven’t dealt with the end of their relationship. However, there are a few instances where the exes are so integrated into each other’s lives that it is difficult to cut all contact. For me I have zero contact with my exes; they are exes for a reason and I do not need to continue to be friends with them after the relationships end. I expect the same from my FH and it has taken him a while to realize why it’s not a good idea to stay in contact with exes. We have very specific ground rules regarding exes so that FH knows what makes me uncomfortable versus what I find to be unacceptable regarding exes and for the most part he has cut off pretty much all contact with his exes as a result because he knows how much it bothers me (and he knows I have a zero tolerance policy regarding him breaking our ground rules.)
Post # 9
@S.Elizabeth.G: Well my SO was with his ex wife for 16+ years, and they’re not even close to being on speaking terms now, so it’s a bit of a non-issue.
It’s not like I would care if he Facebook friended a high school flame or something. He doesn’t really have female friends so I am not worried.
If he suddenly had an interest in seeing his ex wife then I might start to worry, but in reality, that would never happen.
I am not friends with my most recent ex… we had enough drama in that relationship to last a lifetime.
I have a couple of high school exes on my FB, but none of those qualify as serious relationships to me lol.
I think exes are exes for a reason. Unless there’s something obviously going on then it’s a moot point for us.
Post # 10
My husband only has a handful of exes; I’ve never met any of them but I think he’s still casually in contact with at least one of them on Facebook. I don’t know all their names so he may be friends with all of them. I really have no objection to him speaking to his exes if he likes, as he’s entitled to choose his own friends. I’m sure his exes are all quite lovely, but they obviously weren’t who he wanted to be with, so it makes no difference.
I’m friends with one of my exes, but in a text sometimes, might go for coffee when in the same city way. He was a big part of my child’s life during and after our relationship so we mainly keep in touch for this reason. We haven’t been romantically involved in 6 years and we’ve always been so upfront about our communication that my husband really doesn’t mind. It would bother me mildly if my husband said I couldn’t speak to him at all, but there are other exes which I have zero contact with because they make both myself and my husband uncomfortable.
Post # 11
My FI was together with his ex for more than 11 years, although they more like friends for the last few years. They are still friends to this day & he’s closer to her than his sister – so it’s an important relationship that I would never want to deprive him of. I never asked him not to spend time with her even in the beginning, I know he wouldn’t want to go back to have anything but a friendly relationship with her as he has me – and that’s all I care about.
That said, when FI & first started dating, there were some VERY awkward and frustrating moments as we have common friends and she was hurt – but as time went on, we all adjusted to the situation. She now fully acknowledges me as his wife to be and she’s probably one of our biggest champions!
Post # 12
Neither one of us are friends with our exes. He is FB friends with one who asked him to officiate her wedding but she never got married. I don’t think it would have been legit anyway because NC is pretty strict on the Universal Life Church. I wouldn’t like it though. I would feel like our relationship would be discussed and I don’t want somebody like that knowing the ins and outs of our relationship. FH would never discuss our relationship with an ex, but I am paranoid about that kind of stuff.
Post # 13
Neither of us have exes and I think if he did I would not like him being friends with them. I’d always feel like there could be a hidden agenda on their side (I trust him implicitly), he’s too much of a good catch 😉 hehehehe
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I’m in the process to trying to be okay with the fact that BF has semi-regular contact with an ex of his. I think he’ll FB message her about once a month? Obviously I’m not really sure, could be less could be more (hope not lol).
I think most of my issues with the situation stem from my own insecurities, I’d rather they weren’t in contact at all but I don’t feel like I have the right to ask something like that :/ I do trust him, I just don’t like it XD
Post # 15
Nope we both arent friends with any of our exes it would just cause conflict in the relationship i dont see the point..
Post # 16
We have a strict rule about not being friends with exes. It was something he wanted so I went along with it. I am not sure I agreed at first but I trusted him and I can see how not having them around helps to slash any possibility of temptaion or jealousy issues. I see other couples struggle with it all to often – regardless of how innocent it starts out.
We have an amazing and healthy relationship and even though it could look like it from the previous statement – he is the farthest thing from being controlling. This is something we have decided upon and it works for us.