Post # 1
I had a talk with my sister, she is only 14 and mom is nearing 50. She is the youngest, and I am the oldest. Mom had me when she was 20. I think mom after having four kids really gained a lot of experience. When she had my sister she was 35 not too old, but my sister thinks she has an old mom and has felt embarrased when she has shown up to school. I am sure it has to do with the child or is it a very common feeling towards older parents? I would hate my kids to see me as an old parent and not want to be around us at school activities, other events, etc. I know I would likely be nearing 50 when my children (if any) go to high school. Have you or someone you know ever felt like this? Could this be just a stage in a child’s development?
Post # 2
I think most kids are embarassed by their parents as teenagers, regardless of the parent’s age.
Post # 3
I think having older parents is going to become the new normal, and they won’t be embarrassed by it as much. A lot of people are waiting a lot longer to start having kids these days.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Lol I agree with housebee, parents are embarassing when you’re a teenager, period.
My parents had me when they were 32 and 34, and they were definitely older than a lot of my friends’ parents (~50 when I graduated from high school), but I never minded… in fact, even as a kid, I was proud of them for having lots of adventures / life experiences / education before having kids.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON
Well my mom had my sister at 27 and me at 32 and I remember her being older than most of my friends moms when I was in school. It did bother me a bit, I wanted to have a young mom lol. Now here I am TTC and I will be 35 in Oct but I look much younger (thank god) lol, I think a lot of couples are having children later in life, so it will most likely become more normal and shouldn’t be an issue.
Post # 6
Teens are almost universaly embarrassed by their parents. If it wasn’t because of their age, it would be because their parents are fat, wear the wrong clothes- you name it. I had my oldest when I was 26-so I am one of the youngest moms for her classes. I had my younger daughter at 34 and I think I will be on the older side for her classes. I think a lot of it also has to do with your mindset- you can be an “old” 30, or a “young” 50.
Post # 7
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
candy11: From my own experience, most kids think their parents are old regardless of the parent’s ages. Granted, a 14 year old should not have to be taking care of her 80 year old dad, but for the most part it is really not going to matter how old the parents are. My kids tell me all the time I am old and I am 35. I remember thinking my parents were old when I was their age and they (well my mom anyway) was younger than I am now.
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
I agree that most teenagers will find something about their parents that is “embarassing”- I was at the opposite end of the spectrum with a young-ish mother who looked very young. Truthfully, we are often confused as sisters and not in the “waiter wanting an extra tip way”. My mom was the “MILF” and I dealt with guys a few grades ahead of me hitting on her when we’d be out somewhere…
As for older parents? It can be a benefit at times- I know children of older parents who are seen as old souls, more mature, and as having old-fashioned values. These sorts of things can endear you to older coworkers and help you in networking during a career.
Post # 9
My dad was 46 when he had me. He’ll be 80 and I’ll be 34 at my wedding.
It never “bothered” me that my parents were older (my Mom was 36 when she had me). But I was aware that they weren’t the “cool” parent and I wasn’t going to get away with some things. That being said, I think it was more their parenting style than their age. They were viewed the same as other “strict” parents but not for their age.
And I agree with PPs – having “older” parents is more the norm now.
Post # 10
I don’t think children really care, as long as the parents aren’t like so old they can’t do things with them. That said, my mom has MS so she can’t really do things anyway and it doesn’t have to do with her age. I know people with young parents who got cancer or had heart attacks at 40- you really never know what can happen and don’t have a lot of control over it. In my family, my sister has gotten to go on some awesome trips and live a more priveledged lifestyle because my parents had more money than when I was born (my dad was in his residency and mom was in grad school). I think it’s more important that the couple is financially and emotionally ready, and usually that comes with age. My husband is older than I am, so my mental cut-off age for him to be done having kids is 45, but we’ll see what happens…
Post # 11
I think when you have a teenager, you just can’t win as a parent much. They’ll be embarrased by everything and anything. I’m 25 and my 15-year-old students thought that was soooo old…please. My mom had my older sister at 26, me at 31, and my younger sister at 33 and we never noticed if she was the “old” mom at all. When my sister and I came along my parents were more settled in their jobs and more stable so I actually think we benefitted a lot more. One thing my parents told me was to finish all my school (finished Master’s last July!) before having kids because my mom earned her Master’s when I was about 6 and was insanely busy working full time, going to school, and taking care of us. I like that more and more people are waiting longer to have kids. There is a real difference in my students whose parents were a bit older when they had them than those with parents who had them very young (not all the time though).
Post # 12
My mom was 38 when she had me, and my dad was 52. They didn’t embarrass me any more in high school then any other parent. The primary challenge we had was a generational gap, like what was acceptable for dating age, curfew, etc. But again, all my friends had that fight with their parents, regardless of age.
Post # 13
My parents were in their 30s when they had all of their kids, and I never felt like my parents were old! FI’s parents are even older. They had him (he’s the youngest) when they were 39. I think that in more upper middle class areas, you see people who wait until their 30s to have kids – it was definitely the norm where I grew up.
FI’s cousin was born to parents in their 40s (his mom) and 60s (his dad). The only “problem” I see with that is that, unfortunately, his father may not live to see him reach all of his milestones in life. Hopefully he’ll live into his 80s or 90s and that won’t be a real issue, but I see how that could be considered unfair to a child.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
My FI has older parents. They were in their 40s when they had him. He always disliked it, not because he was embarassed, but because there was a huge generation gap and they didn’t (and still don’t) understand how the world works these days. He always said he didn’t like that they began to slow down due to their age and weren’t as active with him as he would have liked.
Post # 15
I’m the 3rd child and was born a couple months before my parents turned 27 and 30, so I can’t personally relate to having “old” parents. But you can’t worry too much about what a 14-year-old thinks. When I was in middle school my mom went back to school to earn her teaching credential, and she was a substitute teacher for a few years. I was 14 the first time she subbed for one of my classes, and I was so embarrassed I hid in the back of the room for the whole period (also she had decided to make it a surprise). But I felt bad when my brother and sister told me I was being a little bitch basically and hurt her feelings. After that, I loved when she subbed at my school. It meant I got Taco Bell for lunch.
My FI’s parents were just under 40 when he was born. He was, in his words, a shitty teenager, but having older parents wasn’t a big deal. Now, he feels a bit more pressure to start having kids before he turns 30, because he wants our future kids to get to know their paternal grandparents as fun, smart, active people, as much as possible.