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My best advice is to stick to your guns and not lose focus on what is really important. If a small, backyard affair is really what you want, it's do-able. I think that brides get suckered into all these opinions from others about what they have to do that they lose sight of what their original plan was.
Just remember this, there is not one, single thing that you are required to do and no one that you a required to invite. In the end, it's in your hands whether you choose to let it get out of control or not.
(This is coming from a person who had a small wedding. I did it, so can you.)
I would say don't put ALL of your energy and time into wedding planning and stick to your original vision. Do not let others pressure you into having a bigger/more elaborate wedding than you want.
Maybe talk to your FI/or MOH/or Mom and tell him/or her your ideas and ask him to make sure you stick to them and don't get out of control.
@zippylef: Delegate! Tell your BMs and MOH what you would like them to help you with. Most of the time they want to know what you need help with and be more than happy to help. Don't be afraid to ask them to help you by going with you to appointments, or giving you their opinion. Trying to do everything yourself and not asking anyone for help could leave you bitter and way stresses out!
Thanks so much for your comments! We had planned on eloping in Venice but then my family felt left out so we were still going to elope in Venice and then have a fake ceremony at home in my backyard. This sounds ridiculous but I think I may still go ahead with this plan. Only FH and I will know about Italy and at our ceremony/reception stateside it will be more for our families. As I am typing this it seems like a deceptive, terrible thing to do.
@mooreofthat2: I think it sounds secretive, but wildly romantic. What a fun little secret you guys will be able to share.
In addition to planning my own wedding, I work in the industry. A lot of brides get bogged down and overrun by family expectations.
Make a list of priorities and refer back to it often. Mine are to stick to the budget, be amazing hosts and to have fun. So decor and things that don't directly benefit the comfort/funtimes of the guests--including my dress!--are less important to us. When I start looking at dresses that cost more than the venue rental, I refer back to the list and remind myself of what is truly important.
Also think about things that you and your fiance absolutely will not compromise on--like the number of guests or the type of food served. These usually are featured on the priority list. Then, don't compromise on those things. Say "I appreciate your input but we've made this decision already." Keep in mind things that you will compromise on--for me, as long as the budget is kept in mind, I don't really care about flowers and most of the decor--so when moms or other invested relatives get all up ins about wanting things a certain way, I can be like hey what's your input on these things and they can feel like they are more involved and have some control.
Make a realistic budget and stick to it! Weddings are not worth going into debt over. Sex and money are the two top issues marriage counselors encounter with couples. Don't set yourself back by starting your married life in debt. It's just a fancy party at the end of the day--it will be such a blur and you won't remember that you disliked the napkin rings you bought because they were half the cost of the ones you loved. Your programs and personalized cocktail napkins and crap like that will be thrown away at the end of the night. You, your mom and maybe your inlaws will keep one or two of those things. Don't get emotionally invested in all of the details unless you can afford it.
And finally--have fun! When you start to get overwhelmed, take a break and do something else. Make sure to keep your relationship with your fiance going strong--go on dates and don't talk about the wedding. Watch a movie in your PJs and put the DIY away. This is supposed to be a fun time--manage your time and try not to get stressed out.
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Engaged - joy! Planning a wedding - not a joy for me. Our dream began with a simple, understated, intimate, immediate family only ceremony and reception in my gorgeous backyard and now it is snowballing out of control. By the time we add in the must have guests which include friends it is unrealistic to think that can avoid a tent rental, service ware rental and professional help. I am excited to get married and want a very simple, elegant event. I am trying to avoid getting carried away with all of the emotional purchases thanks to the wedding marketing industry (and professionally I am in marketing so you would think I would be able to cut through a lot of this). How did you happily married bees keep things simple and true to your original vision? How do you not get lost in the process of planning and lose sight of the goal? My personality is go big or go home and I am a perfectionist by nature - all contributing to a likely over the top, mega wedding which I do want to avoid. Oh wise bees, what was the best part of your wedding that you would absolutely recommend as a must do and what would you recommend that we pass on?