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Ask the venues you're interested in if you can talk to other brides who have used them. Then ask the brides to send you photos. I think most would be helpful.
I don't think you're out of line for being frustrated since they asked. But, you may need to take things into your own hands for your own sanity!
@iswim, I think that's what I'm going to do (but on Monday lol). They way they've been acting (ignoring me and whatnot) just makes it feel like I've asked them for the world, you know? At least I know I'm not!
I think maybe you're being a bit demanding. They're your relatives, not vendors.
The week prior to Thanksgiving is usually pretty busy for most people - either they're preparing to host a boatload of people or getting ready to schlep to another state - and venue hunting just may not fit into the schedule. This is particularly true if they work.
Have you considered that they're trying to get things done, but other forces are causing the delay? It's not FMIL's fault that Unle Bob wan't pick up his dang phone to confirm the house number, or that the venue won't e-mail her back to schedule a viewing because, again, it's the week before a major holiday.
Keeping weddings in perspective is difficult, but it's important to remember that just because it's at the top of your to-do list doesn't mean it's at the top of theirs - and that's okay. It sounds like maybe it would be easier on everyone if you relocated the wedding to MA, where you would be able to have more personal involvement. If that's not possible, I'd say ease up a bit. It's not worth alienating your future family or stressing yourself out this way.
I'm also planning long-distance (though not as long as yours, still can't really travel there due to crazy work schedule). I try not to rely on other people for key elements of the wedding even if they offer. Their heart may be in the right place, but for any number of reasons they may not be able to do it. It sucks and it's not right, but that's how it is. I think I would consider myself really lucky to find someone to help who would actually follow through with everything and go check out places for me.
In summary, I guess my opinion is, don't rely on people, and then you won't be disappointed if they don't do what they said, and will be pleasantly surprised if they do.
@teaandtoast, thank you for your comments. Just gonna clear up a little bit (I'm not getting snarky, I promise! I just wasn't clear in my original post): I asked them to do this 3 weeks ago. Last week, I emailed my FMIL to see if she had gotten the addresses (the venue, I didn't care about so much), and I haven't heard back. As for the aunt, she'll say she'll do it, and then just won't. His whole family lives in the same area (I think he has one cousin in Maryland? It's a huge family). Maybe I'll hear something about the addresses after Thanksgiving. It would be impossible for us to have the wedding here, because no one would come.
@Girlwitharing, You're right, I shouldn't rely on them, even if they are my future family.
Thanks to both of you :)
@Dizzy - Thanks for the clarification - that's a veryveryvery different situation! Yeah, it does sound like they want to help but don't have the time or the wherewithal to stay on top of things.
Can you afford to work with a planner in the Milwaukee area?
Oh, I wish! There's a reverand we're thinking of working with, who's wife is also a photographer (2 birds with one stone? It gets better). His wife ALSO does email consultations/planning/advice if you decide to use them. Sounds great, and only $800 (for the ceremony, rehearsal, photography, and mini-planner).
If I can get over my worrysome self and decide to go with them, it'll be easier. It was just nice to think that future family would help, since my family won't.
Wonder girl powers, Activate! Taking this all into my own hands!! :D
Definately go to the Wisconson board. There are a lot of bees in Milwaukee. Also put up a couple ideas of vendors and we can try to get some pics up or general thoughts. I like in Madison, Wi , but FI is from Milwaukee. Maybe you could get some more input if you give more details:)
I really love the Lake Front Brewery there. If is this huge open space that is gorgeous, we looked into doing there, but the minimums were more than our small budget would allow for.
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Alright, here's the thing (sorry, I'm kinda short tempered today...PMS and huuuge frustrations with future family). I live in Massachusetts. My FI is originally from Milwaukee, and we're moving there in June so he can be with his family. He moved out here for me, so I'm moving out there for him. I'm cool with that.
I'm planning the wedding in Milwaukee. From Massachusetts. I have been there once, and we were not engaged yet so I wasn't thinking, "Oh, I should go check out venues! Or caterers!" Or anything like that. We went so he could see his family, so I could meet them, and generally have a good time.
After we got engaged, his mom and his aunt (about whom I've bitched on here before) both called me up and were so excited, and volunteered to do things for me, because I, obviously, can't. Then the aunt told me that his brother's baby-momma wants to help too. I was like, Bet! Awesome! The more help I can get, the better!
I've asked the baby-momma and the aunt to do one thing. Look at two different venues for me and take pictures. I've asked FMIL to do two things, look at one venue and get the address of his family so I can send out invitations. No one has done anything; it's been over a week since I asked and I haven't heard a thing. Not even a, "Hey, I'm sorry, I was busy when I said I'd do it, but I'm going to do it soon, I promise." I just get silence.
Do I have a right to be pissed? I mean, it's not like I asked them to go choose all of my decorations, choose my dress, or anything like that. I'm not even asking them to go to a bridal show with me when we move there! Just take a few freaking pictures! Ughhhhhhhh
I feel like Bridezilla, but as everyone knows, venues book up fast. I'm seriously about to book a venue that I've only seen outside pictures of because it's cheap (450 for NINE hours) and the woman I talked to about info on the place got married there and she said it was beautiful.
Am I out of bounds with feeling hurt and angry? Or maybe it's just my PMS? Dunno.
Sorry this was so long, but even if one person responds, I'll know I'm not crazy! Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!
p.s. I've talked to FI about this, and he is pissed too... because they volunteered..they offered to help, and won't