(Closed) How do I deal with a jealous sister?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh honey that’s awful 🙁 I don’t have any advice for you except that it’s your life and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about how you live it. *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry double post

Post # 5
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Would your parents be of any help dealing with her?  If not…

Tell her what YOU are feeling and dealing with.  If she is sympathetic, great.  If she is not, tell her you want her to be MOH but you don’t need/want the additional stress.  If she’s in, she’s in “your way”.  If she isn’t, for whatever reason, that is cool to.  You won’t be mad at her.  You just have so much other stuff to deal with that you are not going to add this to your plate.  You still love her and you all will have a great time at the wedding.  She just won’t be MOH.  It is totally her choice to be in AND cooperative. But she DOES NOT have the option to make things unpleasant for you during this once in a lifetime experience.  

Post # 6
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

KICK HER A$$ OUT!!!!…like yesterday…seriously?? who treats thier sister like that?? oh yea…a jealous drunk…which apparently is what your sister is.

Enjoy your wedding and your planning and kick her out.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, not wedding related, though I very much suggest you check out Al Anon.  It’s a 12 step group for individuals who have loved ones addicted to alcohol.  There’s online support and in-person groups internationally.  

Not just wedding related, it sounds like dealing with your sister is extremely overwhelming to say the least, and you deserve to be supported.  Al Anon is a good place to receive that support, and if you do check it out, hopefully you can figure out the best ways to feel comfortable approaching your sister with all this wedding related chaos.  

(If you have any specific questions, send me a private message…I can share more detailed thoughts).

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would probably send a really bitchy response. It wouldn’t help the relationship, but honestly I don’t think I’d WANT to have a relationship with someone like that. It  would be something like this…

 

-How much my shoes cost is none of your damn business, you seriously have time to look up things like that? Get a life. I work hard for what I have and how much I make and what I spend it on is none of your business. And yes, it does make a difference that I wasn’t drunk and loud.

-So you’re aware I’m paying mom’s rent, but still judging how I spend my money? Nice. How dare you say that I’m screwing over my family when I’m the one paying mom’s rent and not relying on dad’s insurance? And everyone has medical bills, it’s called being an adult. Another part of being an adult is checking on your insurance policy…or even, ya know, having your own insurance.

-No one is forcing you to be in my wedding. You must of been super drunk (as usual) when you looked up costs or something because there is no way in hell you’re spending $4500. If you want to be a bitch and tell me how much I suck and judge all of my purchases, why the hell would you agree to be my MOH? You could of said no. But now you don’t have to, I’ll do it for you – you are NOT my maid of honor. You don’t deserve any title with honor in the name after your behavior. Don’t bother coming to my wedding if that is how you feel about me.

Post # 9
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Wonderstruck: LIKE.

Im kinda biased because my sister and i also dont get along and I would have no patience for this kind of passive aggressive letter. Sorry that you are going through this OP. Its obvious thats she is not being supportive of you and your fiance in any way,shape, or form so I would kick her a$$ out!

Post # 10
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do both of you a favor and kick her out of the bridal party. It seems to be what she is asking for. I haven’t delt with anthing like this before, so I can’t begin to advise you on the sisterly relationship part. 

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee

wow, i feel for you. i have dealt with similar wrath from my sister and so maybe i am being biased when i say your sister sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder.  Look it up and read about it and you will know if it describes her or not.   If that is the case, then she will always be someone who put the blame on everyone else and think everyone is doing harm to her.  just know its not you, its her!  a good response to her letter would simply be to say “i’m sorry you feel that way”.

i read the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Randi Kreger. helped me tremendously in understanding and dealing with my sister.  helped me to set boundaries with her and she was also my MOH.  i recommend it to you whether or not your sister actually fits the criteria of borderline personality – even if she cant be diagnosed, she certainly has traits of it.

i wish you all the best and just remember that this is about you and your fiance. no one can take away that happiness – only if you let them.

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Kick her out… end of story.

Post # 13
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

sorry, am I missing something? what is your part in this fight op?

Post # 14
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@JessicaWakefield:

My dad had that….I was thinking exactly the same thing about brokenheartedbride’s message before I even read what you wrote. It’s just irrational behaviour.

Honestly, I wouldn’t respond. You’re trying to rationalise with someone who clearly finds it impossible not to be the victim. Don’t feel guilty, maybe even send a nice reply but make it clear she’s no longer moh.

XX

Post # 15
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I might be in the minority here, but I wouldn’t kick her out of the wedding.  She clearly has issues that needs to be taken care of (I really agree with the boarderline personality disorder).  I feel like you may regret down the road that your sister wasn’t in the wedding because she was going through a VERY rough time.  I would just ignore the email, at most say your sorry for making her feel that way.  Also, if you are (I really don’t know if you are or if it is in your head, so I am not blaming you for anything) I would stop complaining/talking about her.  I understand you will most definitely need to vent to someone, so pick one person (maybe your FI), and focus on that.  She seems like she has very low self esteem, and doesn’t want her issues thrown in her face (even if there not, she feels like they are) becasue she isn’t sure how to fix everything.  I just don’t want you to do something you regret like throwing her out of your wedding because that is an action you can never take back, and may ruin your relationship forever.  Please, take my advice with a grain of salt… I don’t know the whole story so take it or leave it.  Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh, I feel you. My abusive sister is pulling really similar stuff–trying to plan things I’ve already told her I’m planning with the BMs who actually live in this city (she’s on the other side of the country), yelling at me for not wanting her to do stuff I never in any way suggested I wanted (she wanted to make jewelry for the BMs, etc), yelling at me for wanting her to promise to be polite to everyone at the wedding no matter what makes her angry.

Boundaries are key. I’m going to look up the book that other poster suggested. I can use all the help I can get with my sister, but I think the big thing for me right now with her is to be very firm about boundaries. I want her at my wedding, but she has to be willing to promise to be polite to everyone. Even my BMs, even our parents and grandparents, even me. (She doesn’t get along with any of us.)

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