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Do we have the same FMIL?? We are (well, were) dealing with this exact same issue! I don't have any advice for you unfortunately. We are ending up doing our own dinner (a cookout) and she's having dinner elsewhere with her friends and family.
Put your foot down. This is your wedding and you make the decisions regardless who is paying! And in reality to invite more than 50% of your guests to RD kinda eliminates the need for a wedding don't you think? Keep it small and intimate. FMIL might not thank you but the people that truly count to you and are putting time/money into your day will appreciate it. GL
Well, FI is going to talk to his dad today to see if we can talk some sense into him. My end-game response would be to say "thanks but no thanks, we can handle the RD" however, I am really concerend that it will end up like BoiledPNut's situation - where they don't show up to the RD...or, god forbid, don't show up to the wedding.
I also think we may have the same FMIL! We were faced with the same situation, all of our guests are traveling for our wedding and there is no way I want to pay for a super fancy massive rehearsal dinner and then have the wedding the next day.
I say first put your foot down and tell her that the two of you have decided that you want a picnic style rehearsal dinner because you want time with your closest friends and family since you won't get this time during the wedding. Have your fiance talk to her about it since it is his mom.
Or you can do what I did (which does cause some drama.) My FMIL refused to let us have a small intimate rehearsal dinner and wanted us to foot the bill for a large one and invite all out of town guests which would be 90, my fiance and I decided "it wasn't in the budget" and "is not necessary" and so we decided to cancel the rehearsal dinner altogether. We are each hosting dinner in our hotel suites with our bridal party.
I also think we may have the same FMIL! We were faced with the same situation, all of our guests are traveling for our wedding and there is no way I want to pay for a super fancy massive rehearsal dinner and then have the wedding the next day.
I say first put your foot down and tell her that the two of you have decided that you want a picnic style rehearsal dinner because you want time with your closest friends and family since you won't get this time during the wedding. Have your fiance talk to her about it since it is his mom.
Or you can do what I did (which does cause some drama.) My FMIL refused to let us have a small intimate rehearsal dinner and wanted us to foot the bill for a large one and invite all out of town guests which would be 90, my fiance and I decided "it wasn't in the budget" and "is not necessary" and so we decided to cancel the rehearsal dinner altogether. We are each hosting dinner in our hotel suites with our bridal party.
Wow - in a way, I am comforted that there are others with this issue, however, I feel for you ladies!!
I *think* we may have a solution. We will host (read: pay for and therefore control) the RD, and the IL's will take over the welcome party. FI is discussing with his mom right now (as I type). I am hoping for the best...however, while on the phone, FI has asked me if we could have the RD on Thursday instead of Friday (big fat NOPE, there), or if we could just "push everything up" so the welcome party could also be the welcome dinner (again, big fat NOPE). Sigh......
If anyone has any other ideas, I am all ears! I will keep ya'll posted!!
My MIL tried to pull the same thing. I just smiled and said we were keeping it to immediate family, the bridal party, and a couple of special situations (like 2 friends who had travelled (separately) from overseas and didn't know anyone except us). Ours was held at the venue, so people who were already there were more than welcome to come past and say hello, and they did which was lovely. But we only invited (and catered for) certain people. Otherwise it would have just been a second wedding reception.
Apart from that, my only advice is not to discuss such plans with anyone :) Don't show your MIL the invite list or anything else if she is going to behave like a child. It's your event! Good luck.
IDK what happened, but FMIL has finally said ok to whatever we want to do. Maybe she took some meds or something. Who knows. I hope your FMIL comes around!!
Wow I agree too, do we have the same FMIL? My FIL's are paying for the RD so I can't say anything but she wants to invite all of her family and friends. I'm worried what she would say if I told her who I wanted to invite. It's crazy but because they are paying I can't really say who and who not they can invite. Good luck! Hope your FMIL comes around!
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Hey Bees! I am looking for some advice on how to handle this situation:
Background: Both FI's fam and my fam are each giving us a *little* bit of money.....one lump sum for the wedding and then we are taking care of everything else. Because of this arrangement, I assumed we would be responsible for the rehearsal dinner...along with everything else. I am cool with this, have money in our budget, and have planned a casual picnic-like RD for the people involved with the ceremony.
Well, FMIL decided that the picnic-like atmo was just.not.good.enough since "people are traveling thousands of miles to see us get married." Keep in mind that our wedding is pretty casual, and we are indeed having an open bar/serving "real food" (i.e. no picnic food) at the reception. In addition, we are holding a "Welcome Party" for everyone the night before the wedding (after the RD) and doing a snorkel trip the day after the wedding.
Well, FMIL wants to invite everyone on FI's side of the family to the RD...since, again, they are traveling so far to come to our wedding. Keep in mind that EVERYONE is traveling to come to our wedding -- not just FI's family.
FI has talked to his mom and told her that (1) We did not want a big, fancy RH dinner, just a casual thing with our closest fam and friends in the wedding, (2) it is incredibly insulting to only invite his side of the family since my family and all of our friends are also traveling so far to come to the wedding, and (3) We ARE holding a welcome reception for EVERYONE after the RH as a meet-and-greet.
She refuses to budge. Right now, her guest list for the RD is around 60 people....we have only invited 100 people to our wedding. This is getting ridiculous.
How would you handle this situation? Other than drinking heavily? :) kidding. soft of.
Oh, BTW - since I won't let her control my wedding day plans, she has insisted on throwing us a "back home" reception after the HM for everyone who could not come to our wedding. So it is not like the RD is the only chance she would have to "shine".
Any advice is appreciated! I am extremely frustrated right now!