How do I deal with my boyfriend's lack of "experience"?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Well, I have a bit more of a colourful past than FI, but he’s okay with that. I think everyone has different expectations of what they want to experience before settling down. i don’t think you can really convince him it’s more about quality vs. quantity. I am happy that I’ve been with multiple people before FI because it makes me more confident in my decision to be with him. So, in a way, having the quantity makes me value the quality.

Not to scare you, but I do know some couples who have split up because one of them wanted to explore because they didn’t in the past. Everyone is different though, some people are ok with not having the experience that others have……I think your SO just has to figure out what is important to him.

Post # 3
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds like your boyfriend may feel like he needs to get out there and experience more women. It’d suck if you find out he cheats on you. 

So I say tell him you are absolutely fine with it, watch a few movies together so he can get some ideas of what he may like to do, or let him go, experience women, and hope it was worth losing you over. Oh, not to mention this world is full of diseases, let’s hope he doesn’t catch something out there. 

Post # 4
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t have advice, but this would concern me as the other posters said in regards to him wanting to be with other women. I hope this desire does not lead him to stray. Good Luck! 

Post # 5
295 posts
Helper bee

Wow, so first off I only signed in to respond to your post. I’m suprised at the lack of empathy expressed by the posters so far. I’ll be frank, is the sex you guys have great? because an angle that I realized when comparing the pros and cons is that quanitity may be awesome in theory but, emotionally speaking it will rip one’s heart up in the end. If you’ve had a colorful past you might emphasisis that to him about that feelings happen during sex, but, the bummer in those contexts is that the other person often only cares about getting their rocks off or doesn’t want to stick around for the longterm and regardless of what he thinks that would eventually suck because it would catch up to him.  Regarding personal experience I’ve been in the same boat as your fi, that I regretted settling for one guy while in my 20’s “my best years” I thought. I was at an emotional faze when I got together with my bf in an exclusive relationship that at the time, was bitter about it, but, didn’t want to lose him and that’s why I agreed. Then I realized not long after, that the quality of what we have intimetly really is so incredible that it could not possibly be duplicated by anyone else, that and my boyfriend and I really do joke that in today’s society you don’t know who out there has diseases because they won’t always tell you so we like to play it safe by sticking together. In short, there truly is a difference between making love and having sex. Its one thing to just wake up next to someone after getting jollies off and another to wake up next to the love of your life having shared an emotional connection. That last bit, that’s not in a million years worth trading, he could search the world “having” many women, but, what you two share should not be worth sacrificing. To make him feel better, ask him what exactly he thinks he’ll gain by having other women er more experience? Maybe mix it up in the bedroom a wig or something jokingly.

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