Post # 1
I have to go to my Fi’s daughters baptism tomorrow which means dealing with his ex. The baptism itself is a copycat action as she is not religious their daughter is 5 and she only decided on baptism after we baptised our daughter last year. (She really is that petty)
She hates me because I am with Fiance (like a I don’t want him but I don’t want anyone else to have him thing) also she has not had a relationship for longer than 3 months since the split so i think is a little jealous She constantly makes remarks about how she doesn’t like me and when Fiance says why she says I just don’t.
I cannot avoid the baptism without her making remarks about me not making the effort for the child who will soon be my step daughter (a fact she hates) but going means spending time with her and her family who I know she badmouths about me too as my Future Sister-In-Law works with her brothers wife.
It’s so unfair that she hates me for no reason I really made an effort with her when we met for the sake of FI’s daughter. The only negative thing I ever said to her is what is your problem with me (she just swore and hung up the phone)
I don’t want to get upset tomorrow but I know I am going to be treated like dirt She makes up horrid things like Im a bad mother my kids are always dirty and wear ripped clothes even though I always put my kids first and I always buy things for her daughter too including when she needs a new bed me and Fiance are made to pay but since I am the only one who is earning I pay
how do I deal with such a hateful woman without letting them upset me? have any other bee’s had this problem what did you do?
Post # 3
Frankly this is a situation where you just have to toughen up. Why would you care what this woman thinks, says or does? A person like her is so immature that she cannot move on. She would rather her ex be lonely and alone than be happy with someone else. A mature person would get to a point where they were happy for their child’s father to be happy- as that would also be the best for the child they share.
Hold your head up, be as nice as you can be. I might even be tempted, not only to give the child a gift for the baptism, but also take a bouquet of flowers for the Ex. You will come across as a gracious and loving step-parent to be and she will look like a petty b—ch.
Post # 4
if i were in your situation
1 i would dress smartly (not implying you dont but with her saying you dont) to show her family how presentable i am.
2 try to be on best behaviour – i know its hard with all the remarks and obvious dislike from her but by acting like an angel, what can be done/said to pull you down?
3 remeber why your there – for your step-daughter.
it isnt this little girls fault the way her mother acts and makes you feel; and also, she is going to need someone to show her how to act like a lady, which from the sounds of it, her mother doesnt quite know herself how to do this.
step children and exes always seem to maje things a little harder, but just remember why your doing it, for your step-daughter and the relationship you have with her, for you future husband, and also for yourself. good luck witht he day, and i hope she doesnt get under your skin too much.
Post # 5
@julies1949: I second this. I would also focus on my relationship with the soon-to-be-stepchild. Ultimately that’s more important.
Post # 6
Definitely have to agree with PPs here. Killing her and the family with kindness will really just look better for you. This all is really about your step-daughter, not necessarily the family. Kudos to you for being there for your step-daughter when it really counts 🙂
Post # 7
Carrying yourself with grace and being friendly is really your only option. People that matter will see that this woman’s a hateful nut, and will warm to you. People that don’t matter will take her word for it, but those are people not worth worrying over.
Post # 8
Agrre with what the other bees said. Hope it goes okay. 🙂
Post # 9
It went ok bee’s thanks for your advice, From the moment she walked in the church I felt better I had gone for modest and classy look long dress hair tied back in a knot, neutral makeup she, well didn’t look like she should be in a church and I heard comments made about it from others she wore a really short skin tight dress and heavy makeup it looked very trashy. she decided to ignore me all day and I got dirty looks from her mother. However step daughter came to give me a hug and kiss and we sat looking at her gifts from me together (I got her a silver pig necklace, a pig art set and a pig electronic learners book. She loves pigs) we went through the book together so at least I spent time with her and she loved the art set and spent the rest of the day drawing pictures for her daddy
Post # 10
Good for you. It always pays to take the high road.
Post # 11
Glad it went ok for you, and pleased you got to spend some time with your step-daughter on her special day.
Post # 12
Glad to hear it went well. I can understand your situation – my partner’s ex crazy-hates the both of us (cos she’s just plain crazy) & continually bad mouths us to everyone – incl the kids. Luckily they’re teen/adults, they were teens when the divorced happened so they’re old enough to know the reality of what went down & what their mum is like. We make a point to not bag her out to them because it would just makes us look bad, because at the end of the day she is still their mum.
They’ve since told us how they love that we don’t stoop to mum’s level, and I know that my step-daughter has had fights & bouts of not talking to her mother over the issue of her mother constantly criticising us. In the end people like that only hurt themselves because they push the kids etc away.
Post # 13
You are not the only one who has to deal with stupid people. My SOs parents bad mouth me all the time. I still go to family functions with my head high and a giant smile on my face. I act oblivious to their opinions of me! I laugh, chat and have fun even though they suck. I complain later. I refuse to let them think they have me miserable when I am around.