Post # 1
I just came across this site while trying to find some information on how to deal with waiting for him propose. I thought since you all seemed to be in the same boat I would vent a bit too and try for some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 off and on years, and now 3 1//2 very strong, in love, and completely committed to each other years. We’ve lived together for 2 of those years as well. We are so in love, he’s my brothers best friend, we’re from the same hometown and our families love each other. We’ve known that we’re going to get married for years, we’ve just been waiting for the right time. I am only 21 and he is 24 and has 1 year left of law school. We’ve already planned our life together and even discussed our wedding plans. I know we are still really young and there is no rush.
The problem is that he told my friends about 6 months ago that he was going to propose this summer. Well it hasn’t happened yet. Which again, is fine because there honestly is no rush. But now, all I am doing is getting extremely anxious and almost bitter and angry at him. I can’t go anywhere without someone asking me when he’s going to pop the question. Whenever I hear that my friends, or just anyone, is getting engaged or married I get extremely jealous. I know that all of this is ridiculous and I hate myself for feeling this way. I know that it’s going to happen and that I need to be patient, especially since I am so young still, but I can’t help but let the wondering when it’s going to happen affect me. I don’t want to put any kind of pressure on him or take my feelings out on him.
So am I suppose to just throw myself into other activities and keep busy to deal with it?
Post # 3
I did the same thing. I knew it was coming within 6 months time, and it was terrible!!
I seriously found any excuse to plan a party. I was so bent up on wanting to plan a wedding that I threw an excessive amount of parties. Baby showers, grad parties, and wedding showers. LOL
The best medicine is to find something else to think about. I know that’s boring, and WAY hard, but it works! After a few weeks of time, I realized I hadn’t thought about it, and then didn’t mind that!
good luck =)
Post # 4
I remember that feeling. Honestly, I think its best to throw yourself in something non wedding related and do you best to not think about it. (haha i’ve been in that position so i know its easier said than done.) But maybe pick up a hobby or find some projects. Like clean out your house and have a garage sale. Or even plan a get away weekend with the girls.
But of course when you just can’t stay away, come visit us bees! Congratulations in advance 🙂
Post # 5
Don’t you want it to be a surprise? I mean, summer isn’t over yet. Don’t dwell…when he’s ready he will.
Post # 6
I don’t think I will ever understand this waiting issue so many of you have. My husband and I were together 5 1/2 years before he proposed, we talked about marriage for a good 2-3 years before that, and never once did I feel like I was “waiting” on him. It happened when the time was right, and it will for you too. We were one of the last in our group to get married as well, and that never bothered me. I think the main issue is there’s a huge pressure on us girls to get married, have the fairytale, boyfriend gets down on one knee, etc, and some of you girls seem to take that to heart. But life happens differently for different people and yours will take the course it’s meant to take. You say you’re not in a rush, but you are. You’re in a rush to this self-imposed deadline that does nothing but cause yourself anxiety. Sit back, relax, enjoy your relationship for what it is now and enjoy all the changes that will come in the future, whenever that happens to be. OR take the reins yourself and either propose to him (ha! I know you won’t do that but it IS an option) or be upfront and talk to him about it. Tell him you know what he told your friends and that it has done nothing but to tease you, which isn’t very fair. Who knows though, maybe he just told them that to get them off his back. It might be in your interest to wait til he’s out of law school and has money to get you a nice ring 😉
Post # 7
@Kemi82Justice of the Peace:
I know your intentions are good, but going on and on about how above it you were/are and how you don’t understand what us waiting bees are going through does nothing to help the situation. If you don’t get it and think we’re silly, why are you reading and responding to threads? I’m happy you never felt that frustration. Good for you! Unfortuantely, not all of us are that lucky.
Post # 8
@lezlers: Agreed. It doesn’t help to point out that we shouldn’t be who we are. If you can’t relate, either wish her luck or just refrain, in my opinion.
Post # 9
I’m sorry! It does suck. I’m there now. And it sucks. Sometimes. Sometimes it doesn’t suck. It comes and goes.
How to deal with it? Other activities helps. Talking/venting to your friends or coming on here to vent with other Bees helps.
I started volunteering. That has been awesome! Contributing to something bigger than myself has definitely helped me.
And treasure those few moments when you do feel peaceful. It doesn’t suck all the time!
And dont’ let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t feel the way you feel. That is not helpful. Saying something should be different than the REALITY that exists is not helpful! You can only move through your emotions by first accepting them.
Just my 2 cents 🙂
Post # 10
I don’t have the link offhand, but you need to read Mr. Bee’s three step plan to get your guy to propose. It has some great advice that will help you cope while you’re waiting.
You could also do the proposing yourself, but I’m guessing that’s not an option.
You could also try doing what I did…you could ask when he plans on getting married, then start planning the wedding six months before. Plan an engagement photo shoot. That gives him a due date, because you need the ring before the engagement shoot. LOL (Of course, my relationship is weird, and Darling Husband didn’t mind at all that I did that, and he did propose RIGHT before our photo shoot…and I had to pick the ring. But we’re like that…find what works for you!)
Post # 11
I knew it was coming and it was completely horrible! Every time we did something, I thought it was going to happen. I just kept quiet about it and honestly tried to stay busy with other things. It’s not easy and actually on the day he proposed I was so sad because I thought he wouldn’t but still I didn’t bother him and that allowed him to keep the plans he had.
Mighty brought up Mr. Bee’s post, which is here, I really agree with everything he says.
Post # 12
@lezlers: Totally agreed. that sort of “advice” is really just hurtful.
@jeska23: The ladies have given you wonderful advice so I won’t go on and on but I just wanted to add that I’m right there with you. In fact a lot of women are in your position and it’s frustrating as hell. Don’t feel like your reaction and feelings on the situation are somehow immature or wrong.
Post # 13
People constantly asking makes it even worse. I swear it does.I agree with taking a new hobby or something. Maybe something you have been meaning to try, a new club at your college or something. I’m focused on working out right now. I need to lose some weight before my big 30 next year.LOL
Hope you find something that helps!
Post # 14
I’ve recently discovered the beauty that is the waiting board, and I think it’s really helped me to be able to come here, say what I need to say and know that I am not alone.
As nice as it must be to have heard it would happen this summer, I can see how that might only add to your feelings and axieties.
For the last year or so, whenever I tell a friend I have news, they almost all immediately say, “OMG, are you engaged?” I appreciate that they are excited for me, and sort of expect it to be coming, but it makes me want to scream a little bit every time.
My sister got engaged in March, and having her tell me to be patient only helps, I’d say, 30% of the time.
I wish I could give a cure-all solution for ignoring the wait, but of course we know there isn’t one. If it doesn’t make you even crazier, do what I do, which is to daydream about the planning. I’m starting to think about color combinations and create inspiration boards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing it, and at least for me, it distracts me from looking at my naked ring finger.
Post # 15
The beauty of the waiting boards is that when you are frustrated or your relationship takes a step forward you have people in the same position to share it with. I struggle to talk with my friends about wanting to get married… one is engaged and getting married next year and she has gone from the person who complained every time we talked about not being engaged to just constantly saying “it will happen when it happens” and the other, well, she wants to get married so bad but feels it is not her place to talk to her partner about it (silly I know!)
When I am having a bad day, it really helps to have people who understand to talk to and thats what the boards are great for. I have found I deal with waiting best by keeping busy… I am trying to get into the gym more and am concentrating on my cooking (my number 1 hobby!) I keep myself busy and trust that the rest will follow.
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
Okay, I usually stay away from the waiting boards, but another post on the board caught my eye and brought me to this thread. So I am going to offer some advice (and I hope my advice doesn’t inspire any angry rants):
So, you wrote this: “The problem is that he told my friends about 6 months ago that he was going to propose this summer. Well it hasn’t happened yet.” But has he talked to YOU about it? Have the two of you had a dialogue about it? From your post, it doesn’t appear to be so.
You also say “I don’t want to put any kind of pressure on him or take my feelings out on him.” But there are ways to talk without putting pressure on. Just be honest, and calm. Ask him what his intentions are, and what his timeline is, and tell him what yours are. Hopefully, by opening a dialogue about it, you can get a feel for what is in his head, and he can understand how you’re feeling.
Don’t rely on what he told your friends. You two need to talk.