Post # 1
A few years ago, I got out of an abusive situation and moved back home to my parents house. My grandparents lived in an attached apartment and had since passed away, so I moved in to their old place, and was finally comfortable and felt safe for the first time in a while. Fast forward to today. I have become engaged to an amazing man, have gotten an amazing dog, and life is good. My fiance and I have bought a house and we close on it tomorrow. I’m excited, but incredibly sad and feeling guilty for leaving. My dad is out of work and they are having a hard time financially, but they have a renter coming in to my place, so that eases my mind a bit.
Our new house is 1 hour away, but my mom is having such a hard time with it. I know my dad is too, but he won’t say so, just small comments here and there. Seeing her sad makes me feel like I’m really hurting her, but 1 hour to me doesnt seem so horrible…I would have preferred half an hour, but to be fair to my fiance, and to expand my job search, the location makes sense.
We are in our early 30s so kids are coming soon, after we get married by a jp. No wedding, just a small party next summer at the new house. My mom is bummed to be an hour from her grandchildren when the time comes. For those who are in a situation like this, how do you deal?
And how do I deal with the mixed emotions of leaving? I love living here and I think we all got kind of dependant on each other, helping with each others dogs, an ingredient when we needed it, an impropmtu glass of wine or chat. I’m sad I wont have that. at the same time, I’m so excited to start life with my fiance, so how do I sort out these feelings? Any tips or personal experiences?
Post # 3
One hour is not too far to be able to live your life, but still remain close with your family. I’m considering moving back to the same state as my parents so that we’ll be nearer to them when it comes time for children, however, I’m looking at living a 6 hour drive away. One hour is definitely not far, and you will be able to grow closer with your fiance when he’s the one you depend on.
Post # 4
Moving is always stressful. I think about when I went away to college or moved in with my FI. I cried for a couple of days each time after leaving my parents. I think it is completely normal to have mixed feelings! Hang in there!
Post # 5
I understant that you and your parents got used to living together, depend on each other etc…however, you are an adult woman now..and it is time to go…there is nothing scary, wrong, or unethical in moving out from your parents’ house..millions of families live far away from each other and find their ways of spending time together, helping with grandchildren etc…
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 ( I am almost 27 now)..not only that…I moved from Russia to the United States..my family still lives their…and I am getting married here in the US…my fiance is from Brazil..and his family lives their…
Anyways, it wasn’t easy for me to start my life on my own…my parents were missing me like crazy in the beggining (my mom was crying all the time), but we got used to it…we frequently call each other, I visit them every year..and they wouldn’t see grandkids often when we have them..but we will find our way to deal with it..
Post # 6
Make the effort to visit or call often. Invite your mum out for lunch just the 2 of you, maybe find a good halfway spot where you both can meet. Let them know that even though you are physically further away, you still love them very much and will still be part of their lives.
Post # 7
Growing up is full of bittersweet moments. It was your parents’ responsibility to bring you up and give you the skills to move out and be on your own.
In comparison to the distance many young couples live away from the families, one hour is a drop in the bucket. They can easily drive to visit you and the grandchildren and be home for dinner. It sometimes takes me an hour to drive to work – all in the same city in which I live.
Post # 8
@mountaingirlnh: An hour is totally do-able. Can you promise two Sunday dinners a month, at least? I’m 15 hours away from my family and only physically see them a few times a year, but I talk on the phone all the time. Skype and FaceTime are great, too.
I know it’s a huge, scary step, but it’s the right one for your family. It will feel strange and even a little lonely at first, but you’ll build a really rich life in your new home.
Post # 9
I completely understand. I lived with my mom up until my fiance and I got engaged and I moved over an hour away to his hometown so we are closer to his school. I already have my degree so it was easier for me to move there. I must have bawled for the first 2 weeks because I missed my mom SO much. I talked with her every day but I also felt so bad for leaving here alone. She assued me she was just fine other than me not being there everyday.
A year later, I enjoy my new hometown and go visit her every 2 weeks on the dot. These feelings will pass, I promise! And it will make your time that you’re physically with them much more sweeter!