How do I deal with this? (Long!)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m sure other more experienced bees will chime in about picking yourself up and dealing with the tangles of property ownership, etc. I don’t know about any of those things, but I just want to tell you that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone — once they start treating you badly, you need to leave. You’re making the best decision for your sanity, your heart, and your safety. I’m sending you positive vibes!

Post # 4
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

It is something you can walk away from. And you should!

Marriage will not change anything. Is this the relationship you want to have for the rest of your life? If not, then you need to go.

Simply being with someone for X number of years does not mean you should marry them!

Post # 5
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You said you’re scared of him. That means you don’t walk away, you run away! Please don’t let the fact that you’ve been together for so long keep you chained to him.

Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Dixon Brewer Park

Break it off.

The anger and abuse will only get worse and more frequent. my parents marriage was like that and it was toxic. get out before you say i do, or worse bring a child into that type environment. its not healthy and your mom wouldn’t want you to be so upset and scared and abused. focus on you, put your life first, get rid of the asshole and eventually you’ll find someone better. my first “real love” was like that, he was always putting me down and making me feel bad about myself, but in front of people he was Mr. Charming. Finally I had enough and I never looked back. and today I am Happily married to a man who not once…. not once has ever called me out of my name other than babe.

It’s called respect sweetie and you deserve it!

 

best of luck with what ever you decide. but it was the best thing I’ve ever done

Post # 7
Member
8910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think at the very least you need to call off the wedding for now and both go to couples’ counseling to figure out how to end this very destructive behavior.  

But if you were my sister or friend, I’d try to get you to leave him.  Just because you’ve been together for a long time doesn’t make it any more acceptable for him to verbally and emotionally abuse you and physically intimidate you.  (And for you to do some of the same, from what you wrote.)

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Wonderfully:  At the very least you guys need counseling and to postpone a wedding until you get this sorted. You guys have been arguing far too long, and it never seems to cease. Yeah, you go a month. Yeah, everyone argues, but not like that.

You said you are scared of him and his temper. I assume you also don’t care to be called names or being called fat. No one should ever get that mad to call someone names.

This will not go away just because you get married. You will have another honeymoon period and then it will be the same shit, different day. I say move on, get yourself some counseling, and start putting yourself and your life back together. If not for yourself–for your mom because you said she would have wanted better. If it were me in your shoes (and at one point my story was very similar to yours) my mom would would. As someone who will be a mommy, I would want better for my daughter.

Post # 9
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your ONLY option is to break it off.

Post # 10
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@Wonderfully:  I dont believe in tarot cards, so that part means nothing to me, but you said he gets in your face, calls you names and you have to leave your arguments because you’re crying too hard to continue… does this sound like the kind of marriage you want to be in? I think you need to sit down and really think about everything that goes on in your relationship and decide if thats really what you want. What you want to live with forever, what you want to teach your children that love is about… I know I’d be packing. It sounds like you two struggle with discussing things because you push his buttons and he blows up. That will only get worse. It’s really hard to break out of a long-term relationship, but how devastating would it be 20 years from now once this relationship has become much more toxic (because it will, unless you both constantly choose to work on your communication) to look back from inside and know that you didnt leave because it would be uncomfortable? Do ou really want to marry a man who makes you feel like you you and who tells you he doesnt actaully want to get married to you? You deserve much better than that and I hope you allow yourself to accept the happiness you deserve!

Post # 12
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you this way and makes you afraid of them? He doesn’t even want your wedding, since you had to pester him into asking you and then he’s “busy” at every option you have for an appointment?

Oh hell no.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together – leave him. And do it sooner rather than later.

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Name calling,shouting in your face and threatening to hit you are all red flag. You have all three of these together,that’s like a red flame!

Like others have said,you need to leave. Its getting progerssivly worse and you shouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt. If you don’t have the finances,save up as much as you can and then bail. The sooner the better. It will hurt but he’s already stated that he doesn’t even want to marry you and that he was pressured. Its basically done already. Keep you head up:)

Post # 14
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Name calling,shouting in your face and threatening to hit you are all red flag. You have all three of these together,that’s like a red flame!

Like others have said,you need to leave. Its getting progerssivly worse and you shouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt. If you don’t have the finances,save up as much as you can and then bail. The sooner the better. It will hurt but he’s already stated that he doesn’t even want to marry you and that he was pressured. Its basically done already. Keep you head up:)

Post # 15
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lolot:  +1 to everything she said

Post # 16
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Wonderfully:  Ransom your life back. Your future is worth every. penny.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors