Post # 1
I have a big problem with my guest list. I have a really big family and I need to disinvite my most of my cousins on my side of the family (about 20 people) because of budgetary contraints. The STD has not been sent out, but about a month ago I sent an email to my family (including the to-be-disinvited cousins) re hotel rooms. Rooms are hard to get, and I had been given the okay by my parents to send the email to family. This week because of budget stuff we cut about 50 people from the guest list. The across the board rule is now that no cousin will be invited unless they have a role in the wedding ceremony.
How do I undo my email?
Post # 3
I don’t think it works that way. If someone was notified in some form or fashion that they were invited to the wedding, they get an invitation…
Post # 4
I know that it’s poor form, but it has to happen some how. I’m very upset about it, but just looking for the least hurtful way to do it for everyone involved.
Post # 5
Well, you have to do it in person, or at least on the phone. No mass email and no voice mails. Call them each individually, explain the situation and apologize profusely. That’s the only thing you can do. People will be unhappy, but there’s no way to avoid it.
Is there any possible way to make it work? Have immediate family at the wedding and a bigger reception at a later date when you can afford to invite everyone who thought they were being invited?
Post # 6
There really is no way to make it work. My parents have decided that inviting 20 of their friends is more important than the cousins. I can’t change their minds, and I’ve tried.
Thanks for the advice re calling.
Post # 7
Its true – this a tough one. Feelings are going to get hurt, it will be inevitable. Unfortuately. And I can totally see how it happened because we were kinda in the same boat. Eeeekkkk
So, here’s a solution to the “no solution issue”. I agree with the PP – you need to personally call them and apologize profusely. Be completely honest with them and say the budget doesn’t allow (I’m not sure you want to throw mom under the bus in inviting friends vs family) But, budget usually explains enough.
Then, to make up for it (and inform them on th call) Bc of how guity you feel, you will have a party just for the cousins so you all can celebrate. And that’s what you do – make the date, and get to it … (even if its closer to the wedding so its something for them to look forward to) It may help with smoothing feelings over a bit. Good luck honey and I know this is a rough thing to do through.
Post # 8
Hmm, well I would be tempted tell your parents that they have to call the cousins since they are the ones making the decision to dis-invite them. But I guess in reality, you have to suck it up and take the fall. I’m sorry, it’s a lousy situation.
Post # 9
Part of me definitely thinks my parents should make the call, but in the end I’m the bride, and the person who sent the email, so I know it should be me.
Thanks for the great suggestions.
Post # 10
Yea, you’re going to need to talk to them face-to-face about this. If not possible then calling them directly is the next best thing. Did they already make reservations for the hotel? If so… this is very bad, because they’ve already spent money to come to your wedding, and now they’re not invited.
I know you made this a rule, but is it at all possible to dis-invite friends instead? Or other guests? Just a thought, and I’m sure you’ve already thought about everything and this is the decision that has to be done. Maybe there are other ways to cut down on costs though? It just seems like dis-inviting family wouldn’t go over so well in the long run.
Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out!
Post # 11
Are your parents paying for the wedding? Why are they dictating the guestlist?
Post # 12
There really isn’t a polite way to do this and I really think you should reconsider other options for trimming your bidget that don’t involve dis-inviting people you’ve already invited (especially family!).
I’m confused as to why your parents get the final say in the guest list. Even if they are paying for the entire wedding (which if this is the case they should definitely get a say and an opinion – but not the overall arching decision), it is still your celebration and if you what your cousins there, you should be able to do so.
You say that your budget won’t allow you to invite these people but there are a TON of other ways to cut other areas of the budget. And being 8 months out form your wedding still, I’m sure many of these other money saving options are completely feasible.
Post # 13
I don’t think there is a good way to dis-invite them, either. I know budget is a big factor, but I think you need to cut from other places.
It sounds to me like your parents are paying for the wedding. Is there any reason that YOU AND YOUR FI can’t pay for the cousins that attend? You still have 8 months to go, that’s plenty of time to save some extra money, get another job, etc.
Post # 14
If you aren’t paying for the wedding, it has to be done. If you are paying, tell parents that it’s your wedding, your money, and your guest list.