(Closed) How do i do this???

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didn’t do this and don’t plan on it, so maybe my advice is off, but I would do one invite that says when cocktail hour is with “reception to follow” or just says “reception held at” wherever.. and then have an extra card with the ceremony information put in place for the people you’re inviting to the ceremony, as well.

OR – 2 sets of invites.  One with the ceremony and reception info, one with only the reception info.

Post # 4
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have two separate cards for the ceremony and reception and only put both cards in the envelope for those invited to both.

For the reception card, put something like:

Come celebrate the marriage of _____ and _____ with dinner & dancing! (or whatever you’re having!)

Post # 6
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 I really dont want to invite people to wedding who i only see or hear maybe once every other year to five years later if you know what i mean. 

So why invite them to your reception? 

Post # 7
Member
8019 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Personally I wouldn’t drive two plus hours to attend a reception when I wasn’t invited to the ceremony. That is a lot to expect of guests! Just something to consider.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
12568 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t do this if I were you.  The point of the reception is to thank your guests for attending your wedding ceremony.  If you aren’t inviting them to the ceremony, well… you shouldn’t invite them to the reception. It’s basically a weird version of a tiered guest list, which I think are very rude.  You should find a location that accomodates everyone, or deal with the fact that your reception should be small. 

@j_jaye:  Also a really good point.  I wouldn’t drive two hours to go to a reception when I wasn’t good enough to be invited to the ceremony.  It looks gift grabby to me.

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are doing something similar–a small, intimate wedding earlier in the day for family only, followed by a larger cocktail reception & dance for everyone.  Our invitations will invite guests to celebrate our marriage at a cocktail reception at XX:00 with the reception location.  Our “reception card” insert in the invitation will outline the details of the wedding ceremony and luncheon and will be included in the invites for the immediate family we are inviting to the ceremony.

I respectfully disagree with abbie017–I feel the point of a reception is to celebrate the marriage of two people.

My friends and (extended) family will not care that they weren’t present at the 15 minutes exchange of our vows.  I think if we’re all honest, wedding ceremonies themselves tend to be rather boring affairs. It’s the reception most people look forward to.

**Any guests who have to travel to the wedding from out of province WILL be invited to the ceremony, as well as the brunch the day after. Chances are they are people I don’t see frequently, and so I want to ensure that I spend as much time with them as possible on an otherwise hectic weekend.  I figure that’ll be less than 6 people max though.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think it’s completely fine as long as your are open with everyone about what you are doing! Send the people who are only invited to the reception one invitation that is just an invite to a party to celebrate. Honestly, the ceremony is only really interesting for people who are very close to the couple anyway! Most people will be excited to just come to a party. 

Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The reception’s the fun (and costly) part anyway. You offering to spend money on guests is nice, in my opinion.

I’d be more offended if I was only invited to the ceremony (it’s happened.).

Post # 12
Member
6045 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just attended a wedding like this.

The couple had a private ceremony with just immediate family in their church (the small, old chapel) and then a reception immedaiatly following. 

My invitation read “Mr. and Mrs. xxxx request the pleaseure of your company at a reception honoring xxxxx and xxxxx”.

It was a formal reception, and so it was essentially a regular invite, it just said reception instead of wedding.

Post # 13
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@j_jaye:  +1 

I agree completely. It feels like you’re feeding me so I bring a gift to a wedding I didn’t witness…

Not that I believe for a second that is what your doing!! It may just leave a bad taste in guests’ mouths.

Post # 14
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You don’t.  It’s rude.  You either invite everyone to the ceremony AND the reception or you don’t.  It is completely against etiquette to have a tiered reception.

Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@aloisk57:  It is not a “tiered” reception. You are inviting them all to the same party.  It’s not any different than if someone got married on a beach at a resort and threw a party for everyone when they got back. It happens all the time.

Here is how I see it: my options are to a) have a small, intimate wedding, and a kick ass party for all of our friends, or b) to have a small, initimate wedding, and not have a party for all of our friends.  My friends, and us, prefer the first one. In fact, my friends would probably resent more me taking up their whole day and night (our ceremony is at 1:00, our reception at 6:00) than they would missing out on a ceremony that will be shorter than the time it took them to get ready for.

Post # 16
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Interesting. I know it’s considered tacky to invite people to the ceremony but not reception since the reception is meant to be a thank you to the guests for attending the ceremony and supporting you on your special day.

I’ve never heard of people being invited to reception but not ceremony. I don’t think you will receive too many bad responses for this, the reception is the expensive party you throw for the guests.

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