How do I drop this BM?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Do I drop this BM?
    Yes : (29 votes)
    83 %
    No : (6 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1303 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

    Sure!  Why not?  All you will lose is a friend.  She doesn’t sound like much of a friend anyways.   🙁

    Post # 3
    Member
    2679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    If you don’t actually plan on being friends with this person after your wedding, then yes. If you don’t want to lose that relationship after the wedding, then no. Your call.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    geh:  if you are prepared to lose a friend, then by all means cut her loose.

    i had a BM in my wedding that i should have asked to drop out and just come as a guest but i didnt have all the info i needed to do that until after the wedding was over and now shes in all my pictures. So, drop her, i would hate for you to regret not doing it and her causing you more stress. 

    She doesnt sound like much of friend anyway

    Post # 5
    Member
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    She sounds flaky, but there could be reasons for her flakiness. Maybe no dates would work if she plays hockey every weekend? And I kind of get the hair stylist thing. I’ve only let one salon touch my hair, and that is my mom’s. I don’t trust anyone else. Maybe she was scowling because she’d had a bad day? I have a friend similar to this, and although I love her to death for her sponteneousness, I did not ask her to be a bm. I knew she would flake out on a lot and I wasn’t sure I wanted her personality in my wedding. I’m not trying to make excuses for your bm, maybe just have a chat with her. I dunno I still voted to boot her. You just won’t have her as a friend anymore. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    426 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    drop her! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    669 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    geh:  other than not visiting you at work, I don’t see the big issue.  Some people don’t like weddings.  Just because she’s not enthusiastic about wedding activities doesn’t mean she’s a bad friend.  I’d be pretty annoyed at my own Mr. and Mrs. quiz, let alone somebody else’s. In fact, maybe she’s avoiding you because she doesn’t want to talk about the wedding?

    Get outsise of your wedding planning thoughts and think about if you’d like to be friends with her down the road.  Maybe she is a terrible friend, maybe she isn’t.  If you uninvite her from your wedding, the friendship is over.  You decide.  I don’t think you like her all that much.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I don’t see what she’s done wrong? She doesn’t HAVE to have your hair dresser do your hair, and only attending half of the hen do is fine. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1965 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Coming from someone who asked advise about dropping a BM last year and not listening to said advise DO IT. I regret keeping my BM and hate all of the wedding pictures with her in. I also no longer speak to her. 

    She made so many dramas during the wedding I cannot believe I didnt just kick her out of the venue.

    If you dont feel shes right for the role, dont have her do it. These will be your memories and your photos for life. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6505 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It doesn’t really sound like she’s done anything wrong… Are you ready to drop the friendship? Because that’s what will likely happen if you ask her to step down.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5008 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    geh:  If you dont care about being friends with her afterwards, do it. I had a bridesmaid I wish I could have dropped (unfortunately, shes you know…my husbands sister) and I would have done it in a heartbeat if I could have. Having a BM that isn’t happy or is causing issues is NOT worth the heartache.

    Also – people are probably going to comment and say they don’t understand what she did wrong – but I feel like if I wrote out what my SIL did to me, it may not seem like that big of a deal unless you were there to experience it. I totally get where you are coming from.

    Better to have an awkward conversation now than to have a girl in your wedding pictures later that you never speak to. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    669 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    ChocolateLime:  that’s too bad about your bridesmaid.  I guess, I’m coming from the opposite end.  I had a bridesmaid that wanted nothing to do with my wedding, (she didn’t cause drama, though).  I’m really glad that I just ignored her lack of wedding excitement.  

    No, we’re not as close as we were when I was single, but there’s no bad blood.  I ended up getting divorced from the guy (this is my second marriage), but that’s a different story.  If I were to look at my wedding photos, which I never would, I’d want to take him out, not any of my bridesmaids:)

    Post # 13
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    From what you’ve said, her behavior is passive aggressive at worst. It’s a real possibility there might be tons of other explanations. Maybe she doesn’t like weddings, or maybe she is having personal drama she’s dealing with and trying not to stress you out more. I certainly don’t think she’s done anything worth disinviting her from the wedding. 

    It’s your wedding, so do what you want. Just know you’ll probably lose a friend or at least cause even more drama for yourself. But yo might be doing her a service by ending the friendship now. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee

    “How do I drop this BM?” Sit on a toilet and let nature take its course.

    Post # 15
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Private lodge

    Frankly, you don’t sound much like friends.  End it – the friendship – the drama – the drain from your energy.

    Free yourself and her.

     

    Congrats on the upcoming wedding.

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