Post # 1
I thought the LDR board might understand this best. Nearly every year, work takes my SO across the country from me. It has always been painful for us, but we’ve worked though LDR times before. Once we started living together, it seems even harder. Last year was particularly rough, to the point that I am dreading what it will be like this time around. I’m on meds for some mental health issues, and just having another person in the house is incredibly helpful for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I know myself and I know that when I am left to my own devices for weeks on end, it’s very difficult for me to stay in a healthy routine.
That being said, I’m finding it very hard to enjoy our last few days together. She leaves on the first of August, and we’re supposed to go to dinner tonight as sort of a special last weekend together. I would love to celebrate her upcoming project but when I think about it, I start to get very anxious and emotional. That is the last thing I want to show!
I am so happy she’s going because of how much she loves what she does and I am very proud of her. I’m just struggling with my own issues (I recognize that my reaction may be stronger than a ‘normal’ person’s) and trying to keep that from showing in front of her. I really don’t want her to spend this time worrying about how I will cope. I want us to have a nice time before she has to go! How do I keep myself in check?
Post # 2
Tonight is our last night. Unfortunately tomorrow is actually my day off so I won’t have work to keep me focused on anything but an empty apartment. I am truly dreading the morning. Some of our past times apart have coincided with very difficult times in my personal life, and I think a lot of that negativity is influencing my thoughts. I feel very anxious that once she leaves, things will fall apart again.
She suggested going out to dinner together. I want us to have a nice time. I am trying to keep a level head but irrational thoughts are getting in the way.
Post # 3
LadyCapricorn: How long does she go away for?
Post # 4
Between 5 and 6 weeks. Not nearly as long as some but long enough for me to get discouraged. Our dinner plans are unfortunately not what I’d hoped. We won’t get our last moment alone. Her stepfather will be joining us and I’m never quite sure how to have a conversation with him. Dinner will be just one more thing to be anxious over.
Post # 5
LadyCapricorn: my bf and I were just having this conversation last night. He is once divorced and me leaving feels like when his ex wife left….even though I am not leaving forever, far from it. I got to meet, get to know, and fall in love with his seven year old daughter this summer. Now I am leaving, and his daughter will be going back to her mom for school and he is falling apart. I am not doing much better. We have always used Skype and texting to remain in contact, even if it means him watching me grade papers…..think about all the good things you have together, and that she will be returning to. Take the time alone to do something you have always wanted to do–learn to knit or train for a 5k or something….that will help fill the time.
Post # 6
I hope that things are going okay for you so far. Just try to keep yourself busy (I usually use the time my husband is away at work to get caught up on Netflix shows or do things that he doesn’t like such as going to the movies). It is hard sometimes but I think it gets easier with time.
Post # 7
My advice is try to focus on positive things. Do you get to visit your FI on location? Try to look fwd to that. Also, you can watch what you want on TV, catch up with friends, and let the house get a little grody. Also, have a goal while your FI is away. Pick up a hobby or project thing at Michaels… Make a photo album or scrap book… Write a short story. Something for yourself, to better and enrich your life and keep you busy.
Also, figure out what specific things help you and tell your partner so you two can do them. For example, my FI goes on location for 1-3 months every year or so. The first time was super hard and I was so lonely, and I felt it was bad for our relationship. The second time, I told him our previous plan of keeping in touch via text and chat, with a call maybe once every week or so, did not work for me. So FI agreed we should talk on the phone every day. That helped a LOT, I felt like a priority again instead of someone he chatted to while browsing the internet and chatting with several other people at the same time. We also did some sexy video calls – again, it helped a lot to reach out to each other like that.
Post # 8
It is still hard, only three days in and she just arrived at her destination (driving). It gets easier when we can set up some sort of routine. When we were first becoming friends many, many years ago we lived several hours apart and rarely saw each other, so our friendship was largely conducted over IM. Talking at night helps, but I hate to bother her, especially if she’s tired from a long day of work.
I won’t be able to visit because it’s too far away. I suppose I feel more lonely because I don’t have any family nearby and I don’t really have any good friends here either. I make small talk with a few coworkers and I’ve done one or two things with them outside of work, but I’m not really comfortable just hanging with any of them.
The scrap book idea sounds nice. A lot of my hobbies aren’t really possible here either. I loved to play the piano, but I wasn’t able to take it here with me. I miss it terribly. I will be watching a lot of tv though! (She doesn’t really watch much).
Post # 9
LadyCapricorn: I feel for you. My fiance has spent each summer (around 3 months) we’ve been together working in another state. I’ve never been able to visit, and we don’t get to communicate much. I highly recommend writing letters to one another. It’s one good thing that can come from the distance that will last forever. I’ve been able to keep pretty occupied between my job and Netflix haha. So much Netflix…..
Post # 10
aggieland13: Fortunately this is his last summer to do that since we’re getting married this December. And he’ll be back in 21 days!!! Not that I’m counting or anything… haha
Post # 11
My fi and I were long distance for a year. He just moved back last month. My advice is do normal things like watch a movie or cook dinner together before she leaves. In my experience the normal boring things are what you will miss the most. Also make sure to Skype sometimes. Also if you can make sure to exchange one phone call even for 5 mins. Also don’t focus about how long till you all see each other again but rather on your everyday realtonship.
Post # 12
I was in a long distance relationship before. We made it work because we trusted eachother and we loved eachother. Also, we kept constant communication; texts, skype calls. When we were together it was bliss, we had constant sex. The reason it didint go further was because of me. But had I not dont what I did it would have worked, but that was the college me.
Nowadays I need more than texts and calls. But if my husband were to go somewhere for work, Id be supportive and just keep living.