Post # 1
My aunt has 5 kids of her own and 2 kids that have just joined her family.
I am having an ADULTS ONLY wedding
I told her this and she said, well you know I can’t come if my kids can’t….
2 of her kids I am close to and have known for 10 years. I have known the other 3 for a while and The other two I just met.
Her are the ages of the kids: 5, 11, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20
I know 4 of the kids will be REALLY hurt if they don’t get invited b/c they are my direct cousins and I have watched them grow up…
However it is going to cost $450 to feed her & her husband and his kids at the wedding!!
I have asked my extremely successful and smart older cousin about what I should do and she said, “oh well you have to invite all her kids”
I just don’t see how THAT IS FAIR! I don’t have $450 to feed all of them…Honestly 2 of them are in college and may not even be able to come, so I am hoping that…
I just think its kinda rude for her to expect that her kids are the only kids, teens allowed at my wedding other than my other aunts one kid (who is 17)
What do you think? How can I tell her she is costing me $450 at my wedding bringing all her kids without being tackY?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
You can’t tell her that without sounding bad.
It’s kind of an icky situation since you can’t invite some kids, but not others.
If it’s ADULTS ONLY then tell her that, and she just won’t come. No exceptions. Though the 18 and 20 year old should be considered adults and can be invited seperately if you choose.
If she decides not to come then it is her loss, not yours.
Post # 4
@BrideToBe14: Am I completely terrible for not wanting to have any of her kids there? How do people expect for you to drop $500 on feeding their kids at a wedding?
Post # 5
@BrideToBe14: You either pay for them all to come (and not just her kids but everybodys) or you give her an apology but there are no exceptions to your no children rule. The college kids are adults and should be invited but that gets hard because to invite them and not the others could be an awful choice. My aunt has 13 children and she was not the only one with kids. I invited everyone and don’t regret it but my wedding was specifically family friendly
EDIT: Go by the tier rule
First tier: Parents
Fourth: Aunts and Uncles
Add friends and their children based on their importance to you. If you fo to the fifth tier then you need to invite everyone within that tier
Post # 6
@Payless: Thanks, That’s a good point…I just hate that I don’t even know 2 of these kids and am having to feed them….I wish we had eloped instead of had a wedding :/
Post # 7
@LMD: Good idea, thanks for the suggestion:)
Post # 8
I would just invite the 18 & 20 year old since they are adults, but tell her that you wish they could all be there, but you just can’t afford to feed every single couple plus all of their children. She either will suck it up and come, or she won’t be there. Simple as that. I understand that it’s your aunt and you want her to be there, but if she doesn’t find it absolutely necessary to be there then you shouldn’t find it absolutely necessary that she is. That’s just how I look at it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@BrideToBe14: I told her this and she said, well you know I can’t come if my kids can’t….
That’s her decision. You have to invite all of her kids or none of her kids. Since you want an adults only recpetion then the answer is none of her kids are invited. If that means she won’t attend your wedding then that’s her loss. She has options for childcare that would allow for her to attend your wedding but she’s choosing not to hire a sitter or nanny. All of her kids are old enough to be left for a few hours or even overnight with a sitter. Instead she is making the decision not to attend your wedding. If she really wanted to attend your wedding, she would make it happen.
Post # 10
If it’s an 18+ affair then you can absolutely invite the two oldest ones. It’s perfectly fine to invite some kids but not others if it’s because there’s a clear age cut-off.
Two of her kids are adults so if it’s adults-only then just invite the 18 year-old and the 20 year-old.
Post # 11
Our wedding was over $200 a person and one of my husband’s cousin’s had 3 kids. It was all or nothing. We had to invite all. I think the same thing applies here. All or nothing. Sorry. It definitely sucks.
Post # 12
Since she is an Aunt – you should pass this burden to her sibling (ie, your mother/ father) if they are helping finance the wedding. It needs to be stressed to her politely that it is an adult wedding and you have to stay within your financial means. Since you are having another 17yr old, you could extend the invite to the two eldest.
If she insists she won’t go without her kids – then tacktfully tell her she will be missed but you will send her some family photo’s that will be taken of your celebration. Don’t allow her to cause drama, if she doesn’t play by the rules … then she doesn’t get to play!
Post # 13
If you are having an adult only reception, invite the adults. If two of her children are adults they should be invited, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite the younger ones because they are part of the family. Don’t make it about money, you keep saying “I don’t want to spend $450 on her family”, makes you sound kind of bratty, if you invite guests to your wedding you have to feed them so that is something to take into consideration for your budget and planning your guest list, and it is perfectly acceptable to have a guest cutoff of adults only
Post # 14
@BrideToBe14: I feel your pain! I have a first cousin which I’m not at all close to, that has three children under the age of twelve. When she caught wind that it was an adult only wedding, she contacted me to ask/guilt me “how could I exclude her children since they are my family?” I barely wanted to invite her to our wedding, let alone her three kids that I may have seen a handful of times in my life. People have to remeber this is not a family reunion! Be strong.
Post # 15
I say call her bluff and tell her that it’s an adult only reception and won’t be appropriate for younger children. Then leave the ball in her court as to whether she wants to come or not.
Post # 16
@xoxovmarie: Thanks…yeah I am just shocked that so many people expect to feed all their kids. Absolutely ridiculous… I am havign to pay $50 per person and these kids probably won’t even eat much. I am tempted to ask my venue host if I can order pizza for the kids and have them in a room next to the reception…but then i would have to pay someone to watch them…which almost wouldn’t be worth it.
I think I am going to tell her, that It’s really important to me that its an adult on reception because I don’t want ANY Kids there that aren’t being watched….
due to the open bar, sparklers, street right next to venue, and cigars
I will tell her that since it’s only her kids coming, what do we have to do to make sure she gets to enjoy herself and the kids are constantly watched? Then I am sure she will suggest me getting a nanny for the reception, i will say sorry i can’t afford that. Could you or your hubby make sure that the kids are by your side all night?
IS that RUDE? LOL