How do I explain this to Her?! Wedding Guest Issue's!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

You can’t tell her that without sounding bad.  

It’s kind of an icky situation since you can’t invite some kids, but not others.  

If it’s ADULTS ONLY then tell her that, and she just won’t come. No exceptions. Though the 18 and 20 year old should be considered adults and can be invited seperately if you choose.  

If she decides not to come then it is her loss, not yours.  

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BrideToBe14:  You either pay for them all to come (and not just her kids but everybodys) or you give her an apology but there are no exceptions to your no children rule. The college kids are adults and should be invited but that gets hard because to invite them and not the others could be an awful choice. My aunt has 13 children and she was not the only one with kids. I invited everyone and don’t regret it but my wedding was specifically family friendly 

EDIT: Go by the tier rule 

First tier: Parents

Second: Siblings 

Thrid: Grandparents 

Fourth: Aunts and Uncles 

Fifth: Cousins 

Add friends and their children based on their importance to you. If you fo to the fifth tier then you need to invite everyone within that tier 

Post # 8
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I would just invite the 18 & 20 year old since they are adults, but tell her that you wish they could all be there, but you just can’t afford to feed every single couple plus all of their children. She either will suck it up and come, or she won’t be there. Simple as that. I understand that it’s your aunt and you want her to be there, but if she doesn’t find it absolutely necessary to be there then you shouldn’t find it absolutely necessary that she is. That’s just how I look at it. 

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@BrideToBe14:  I told her this and she said, well you know I can’t come if my kids can’t….

That’s her decision.  You have to invite all of her kids or none of her kids.  Since you want an adults only recpetion then the answer is none of her kids are invited.  If that means she won’t attend your wedding then that’s her loss.  She has options for childcare that would allow for her to attend your wedding but she’s choosing not to hire a sitter or nanny.  All of her kids are old enough to be left for a few hours or even overnight with a sitter.  Instead she is making the decision not to attend your wedding.  If she really wanted to attend your wedding, she would make it happen.

Post # 10
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If it’s an 18+ affair then you can absolutely invite the two oldest ones. It’s perfectly fine to invite some kids but not others if it’s because there’s a clear age cut-off.

Two of her kids are adults so if it’s adults-only then just invite the 18 year-old and the 20 year-old.

Post # 11
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Our wedding was over $200 a person and one of my husband’s cousin’s had 3 kids. It was all or nothing. We had to invite all. I think the same thing applies here. All or nothing. Sorry. It definitely sucks.

Post # 12
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Since she is an Aunt – you should pass this burden to her sibling (ie, your mother/ father) if they are helping finance the wedding.  It needs to be stressed to her politely that it is an adult wedding and you have to stay within your financial means.  Since you are having another 17yr old, you could extend the invite to the two eldest. 

If she insists she won’t go without her kids – then tacktfully tell her she will be missed but you will send her some family photo’s that will be taken of your celebration. Don’t allow her to cause drama, if she doesn’t play by the rules … then she doesn’t get to play!

Post # 13
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you are having an adult only reception, invite the adults.  If two of her children are adults they should be invited, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite the younger ones because they are part of the family.  Don’t make it about money, you keep saying “I don’t want to spend $450 on her family”, makes you sound kind of bratty, if you invite guests to your wedding you have to feed them so that is something to take into consideration for your budget and planning your guest list, and it is perfectly acceptable to have a guest cutoff of adults only

Post # 14
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@BrideToBe14:  I feel your pain!  I have a first cousin which I’m not at all close to, that has three children under the age of twelve.  When she caught wind that it was an adult only wedding, she contacted me to ask/guilt me “how could I exclude her children since they are my family?”  I barely wanted to invite her to our wedding, let alone her three kids that I may have seen a handful of times in my life.  People have to remeber this is not a family reunion!  Be strong.

Post # 15
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I say call her bluff and tell her that it’s an adult only reception and won’t be appropriate for younger children. Then leave the ball in her court as to whether she wants to come or not. 

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