Post # 1
I only have one sibling, my brother, and he is not invited or coming to the wedding (loooong story that I’m not comfortable telling people about). As of now only my parents, fiance, and my two best friends (maid of honor and bridesmaid) know. Part of me feels like it’s no one’s business why he’s not there, but I know it will come up at the wedding or even before that (rehersal dinner, etc.) How do I explain to people or how should I address this w/o going into details? I’m especially worried about what to tell my fiance’s parents.
Post # 2
You don’t know anyone an explanation and anyone with basic manners would never ask. If someone is rude enough to ask simple say ” He just couldn’t come” and change the subject.
Post # 3
do you really think people will ask? can’t you just say he isn’t able to attend, regardless of the reason.
i didn’t invite a single person from my dad’s side of the family, or my mom’s brother and his family to my wedding. not one person asked me where any of these people were.
Post # 4
I didn’t invite my sister, not a single person asked.
She did claim later that there was a ‘rumor’ going around that I invited her and she just no-showed, but seeing as I hadn’t talked to her in years, I don’t honk anyone would buy that/ she made it up.
You don’t need to say anything! If someone decides to ask ‘oh our schedules didn’t work’ or ‘he wasn’t able to make it’
Post # 5
I can’t imagine anyone being so lacking in tact as to ask why he wasn’t there. Then again, such people certainly exist.
*’did you really just ask that’ look* “It’s a private matter.” *look away* “ANYWAYS” *subject change*
Post # 6
My BIL did not go to my SILs wedding and it was anybodys guess whether he would come to ours. But he’s chronically a no show at family events and most of our friends barely know he exists so we never felt we’d to explain it (or the fact that he wasn’t the best man) to anyone. He actually wound up coming which was honestly probably more of a conversation starter than if he hadn’t.
All that said, your situation may be totally different but I don’t think you owe an explanation to anyone and if anyone bothers you about it just say he’s not coming and you’re not close. I would think that would shut it down although you never know.
Post # 7
Oh and maybe let your FI tackle his parents? He can just tell them you’re not close to your brother and that he’s not coming and hopefully that will be the end of it. They might push – if you don’t want them to know the whole story you may just need to tell them that.
Post # 8
If someone actually asks, a simple “he couldn’t come” or “long story haha” will do.
My only brother won’t be coming to mine either. He assaulted me at the beginning of last year, caused a LOT of problems, and his outburst kept me from completing my degree. We’ve never been super close, or close at all actually, but it breaks my fucking heart that he won’t be there.
All that to say, people can mind their own business, and if you want to talk to someone you don’t know feel free to private message me. Hugs, bee. Xx
Post # 9
missneesy : “He couldn’t make it”, smile and change the subject.
Post # 10
Fiance should definitely have a private chat to his parents before the rehearsal dinner. (None of the details – just that he’s not invited for personal reasons). For anyone else, I like abwcmo : ‘s answer – “That’s a private matter”.
Post # 11
missneesy : “Sam couldn’t make it. Hey, have you seen the flower arrangements? Cool, huh?”.
Repeat ad nauseum.
Post # 12
Hi all, thanks for the feedback! I’m going to handle it the way you all are suggesting (“Oh he couldn’t make it.”) But yes I am expecting it to come up. He’s stopped coming to family events (Christmas, etc.) and people have grilled me about his whereabouts, even when I tell them I don’t know. Ugh!
Post # 13
I agree with other posters just say: “He couldn’t make it.” And change the subject or walk away from them. No one is going to push you beyond that on your wedding day! If they do… they are massively rude and you can just give them the sideways eye and walk away if you weren’t walking away before.
I will say… my brother in law (DH’s brother) couldn’t make it to the wedding and NO ONE ask or brought it up!
I was prepared to answer it too! It was something we were planning to explain if anyone asked but no one asked. Ha!
Post # 14
Don’t tell anyone anything. None of their business.
Post # 15
missneesy : I’m gonna possibly be in the same boat as you. It’s none of their business. Just tell them that he just couldn’t make it, and that you are not interested in talking about it.