Post # 1
Right now, I’m only “friends” with a bridesmaid because they are coming to my wedding and are in my wedding party. I wont go into details about why, but after everything that has happened I have decided that I want this person out of my life after the wedding. I decided this all in the last few days after confronting her with the issues (several times) and it didnt even phase her. I told her our friendship was in serious trouble yesterday and she hasnt called or tried to talk to me. No concern on her part.
If it were up to me, I would prefer that this person not even be in my bridal party because I’m so hurt and let down…but idk. I guess I just need to fake being her friend for a day or two and then cut her off after my wedding?
How do I go about doing this? I cant fake happy emotions!
And its all making me feel more uncomfortable and stressed than I would like on top of the wedding being in two weeks. She is actually my Maid/Matron of Honor and hasnt shown any effort or concern for my wedding yet. Trying to get any info out of her is adding to my list of things to do…I dont have time to be tracking down this girl who doesnt care.
Sigh-I’m pretty sad and frustrated right now. Don’t have time to be dealing with this…
Post # 3
I don’t think you really need to be friends. Just be civil. I don’t know why you didn’t take her out earlier.
Post # 4
Just smile and focus on yourself?
Its a shame that weddings seem to end so many friendships!
Post # 5
Kind of wish you provided more info on what exactly she did /how bad the situation is but faking it would be so hard for me to do. Maid/Matron of Honor or whatever if its really that bad i cant see me being phony on my special day for anyone, you should be comfy and completely happy. I have no advice on that, i guess maybe just stay clear of her during the day…idk! I hope you two can work it out in time
Post # 6
@strawbs: Because I’m a p*ssy and I sometimes dont know how to stand up for myself? At least thats what I think happened here. I often put other peoples feelings first and it came back to bite me. I think right now I’m too afraid of causing extra drama.
Post # 7
@strawbs: oh and also when I told her how let down I was the first time she said “well I probably shouldnt be in your wedding” and I for some reason told her I wanted to stay (hoping she would change back to the friend I knew she used to be…looks like that didnt happen.)
Post # 8
What are you let down about?
Post # 9
@sheepandbear: I wouldn’t wait until after your wedding to end your friendship with this girl if that is what you want to do. Especially if it is affecting you like this now, your wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life! 🙂 Not sure what issues you two have, but if it is coming to the point of possibly ending a friendship…is it worth all this stress 2 weeks before your wedding?
Post # 10
@sheepandbear: I proactively had to end a couple of friendship when I was in undergrad, and it was not easy. So, I understand how delicate the situation can be for you (even more so since she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor and you do not want to cause unnecessary drama/stress for yourself). However, at some point, you have to ask yourself if the stress you are feeling now worrying about how to be her “friend” is a better situation than the possible fallout from actively ending the relationship?
If you’d rather not end things, when you’re with her, focus on the things you two have in common (and have little problem talking about). Just keep things light, civil, and wedding-focused until you are comfortable ending things with her properly.
Post # 11
I don’t think you should be fake with her.
Just have the talk you need to have with her. It’s at an inconvenient time, but life is like that sometimes. There’s no reason for her to be in your bridal party anymore.
Post # 12
@sheepandbear: aw man! missed opportunity. I think one thing you need to realize is that people don’t change unless they want to.
Post # 13
@sheepandbear: I would cut her out right now. Just be honest and tell her you are not feeling the friendship anymore and tell her she won’t be a part of your wedding and then wish her well in life. Boom. Done.
Don’t be a phony…never be a phony.
Post # 14
Why bother struggling to keep things civil and calm until after the wedding is over if you know you’re going to end the relationship with her after? If you’re going to end the friendship and no longer want this person in your life, I wouldn’t want to see her looking back at my wedding pictures or going through my memories of the day either.
ETA: And didn’t you just make a post the other day asking for advice because your Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to take you out to celebrate and you felt bad because you didn’t want her paying for you, but she insisted on doing something special? Doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t care to me…I hope there’s more going on in this situation than her not asking you enough questions about your wedding. I also hope she’s not your bridesmaid you mentioned is going through TTC/miscarriage issues. Because if that’s the case I would cut the girl some serious slack. I know that may not be the case, it’s hard to know since you didn’t really give details, I’m just going off your post history here.
Post # 15
Are you no longer wanting to be friends with her because of how she has been as a Maid/Matron of Honor or is it a non-wedding related reason?
Post # 16
I’m dealing with this now, “faking” being friends with someone. There’s a coworker I have who is nice and all, but being fake friends with her is ridiculously hard. She’s talking about being my Maid/Matron of Honor (we’ve known each other all of five months), moving in with me and Fiance (uh, heeeeells no), and just trying to ask me to go out and do things with her and it is excruciatingly hard to keep up with this.
I wish I had cut ties from the beginning. I would say to not fake it, like other PPs have said. Just tell her up front. I know it’s scary but it has to be done if you’re just going to fake it. Like sillysillybee said, don’t ever be a phony.