how do i get FI out of his depression?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

DH works nights and there are a few things I do.  Pack him a nice lunch.  Even if its just a sandwich, add an apple, a pudding cup, or a little bag of chips… Maybe a note saying I love you?  I always pack my own, so this isn’t a big deal.  When he comes to bed, it wakes me up so I ask about his night and we go to sleep spooning.  In the house, I keep a lamp on for him and the front porch light on.  There will always be something to eat in the fridge, even if its just pizza or salad.

 

i guess the main thing is showing him you care even if you’re not there.  I tend to do this with food because otherwise DH would eat crap and feel lethargic.

 

Post # 5
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

We have this same problem, SOs a cook and works till midnight or later so by the time he comes home, haves some beers and watches a movie he doesn’t get to bed till 3 or 4am.  Whereas I have 8am classes I am usually up for by 5 or 6am and get home around 7pm when he’s gone.  It gets tough not to see each other and we do start to drift further away when it’s been awhile so we really make a priority to go on one “date” a week to catch up and let go of some stress.  I would try and make him embrace his weekends or take a few vacation days to catch up.  I would also really encourage him to go to bed early so he’s able to do things during the day, maybe some natural sleeping pills or something. After that that’s about all I can think of

Post # 6
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Jw1724:  that’s about it then. His circadian rhythm being off and the nights being longer play a huge role.  Chances are, he’s not getting outdoors in the sun much.  Make sure he’s taking a multivitamin and gets enough Vitamin D.  seasonal affective disorder is no joke.

 

Post # 8
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@Jw1724:  I don’t know that there’s much you can do other than just be there for him.  It’s honestly up to him, what he needs to do.  

If it was my DH I would calmly sit down with him and ask him if he wanted to change jobs.  If it’s affecting his life and by extension yours, I think it’s a reasonable thing to discuss.

I say all this because I used to do shift work of all kinds.  The worst were the 3p-3a shifts…I hated those and had to move down to part time for awhile because my body and moods were just not able to cope.  So I can feel his pain!  

Post # 11
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Jw1724:  The only person that can get your FI out of his depression is your FI.

Just continue being supportive of him and if his behaviour towards you is upsetting you then talk to him about how his comments make you feel.

Post # 13
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Jw1724:  As do half the world!

But I think your FI does need to realise that no job is worth your health.

Post # 15
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Jw1724: It may be the best job for his *field* but it’s clearly NOT the best job for him. How long before he would be able to change shifts? Honestly, IMO nothing is worth potentially destroying your marriage over, especially if there is not a clear end in sight. I mean, obviously you two should do a serious cost-benefit analysis of the situation, but I find it really hard to believe that this job (which essentially means his misery) is the best situation for him. Is this behavior stemming solely from the hours that he is working, or might there be something else going on? Him being bored with his work, unhappy with other aspects of his life, etc.? 

Post # 16
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

@Jw1724:  

I understand the job is great, but still I’d like to suggest to consider different jobs. A job is a very important part of life and it’s not something that can be measured by one standard. So there can be jobs that may not look great as the current one but with several aspect, actually can be better.

Certain people really CAN’T work at night. I saw some researches that whlie in general night work requires more care, some people just can’t handle. If your FI is really one of those and this continues, his health can be seriously threatened.

I hope you two can make things better. Best wishes.

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