Post # 1
I was raised Catholic but haven’t attended mass since I became pregnant with my son at 19 (almost 4 years ago). Since then, I have had another child. Their father is Baptist, and we are not married, though we have been together for 5 years and are planning to tie the knot soon. I feel so out of touch with my faith; yet, I would prefer a church wedding. I just don’t know how to go about it… A lot of people, including my parents, have been quick to judge me and made me feel uncomfortable about returning to my childhood church. I have been told that before even thinking about attending mass that I should go to confession for having children out of wedlock. Is this true? Also, does it matter that my fiance is converted to Catholicism or not… What about my children not being baptised? No judgment please. I’m looking for someone who knows what they’re talking about and can offer some advice.
Post # 2
Hi!! I’m a non-Catholic being married in a Catholic ceremony. Your FI and you can marry as long as he’s baptized. You still can if he’s not but it’s not considered a ‘sacriment’. You’ll need to speak to a Priest about getting married. You’ll need to do a marriage prep course. Most Priests are very kind and are going to be happy you’re getting married, especially since you have children. I don’t think your children being baptised or not will have anything to do with a wedding. They may ask that you try to attend a few masses first, but really, don’t be scared! I don’t think you’re required to go to confession about anything. I mean, based on Catholic beliefs from what I understand you ‘should’ go to confession about pre-marital shenanigans (I’m so mature), but I highly doubt your marriage hinges upon it.
Post # 3
If you were baptised and confirmed- they will consider you ‘Catholic”- however some priests will only marry members of the parish. You could try Catholic “church-shopping” or talk to the priest at your parents’ church as they may be willing to marry you and your fiance due to your connection with the Church.
A Catholic (and a non-Catholic Christian) can get married in the Catholic church IF they promise to raise the children Catholic ( so there may be some baptisms in their future). (As far as I’ve heard anyway). Although if you do the full-mass your non-Catholic fiance will not be able to take communion. If he converts to Catholicism- he will be able to take communion with you.
I suggest you check out a church near you and chat with the priest- see how it goes 🙂
Post # 4
Going to confession: since it is considered a sin to have sex out of marriage, going to conffession would be preferable. Technically, you should not recieve communion prior to going to confession. There is part of the mas though that works as confession, and it definatly is not enforced. Honestly, though, there is no harm in going to confession, and most churches will offer it right before mass, so just show up early and look for the confessional.
Converting: Not necessary, but it does take dispensation to marry someone who is not Catholic.
Baptism for your children: This is going to be dicey. Technically, part of getting married in the church, both you and your spouce agree to raise your children Catholic. I am not sure on what the priest will say, but it will be something you need to talk about.
Really, the best advice for answer questions about getting married in the church is to talk to a priest about it. They are the gate keepers as to what happens.
Post # 5
Note about the communion: If you’re marrying a non-Catholic, they will likely encourage you to not do a full mass as it highlights things that separate you as he will not be able to take communion. So you won’t necessarily have to deal with that. And we do not require dispensation to marry and I’m a non-Catholic, they just required baptismal records or a letter signed by two witnesses that I was baptized. But as everyone has said, go talk to a priest.
Post # 6
Lisasaurusrex: plum_pudding: Misswhowedding: Lisasaurusrex: Thank you all for the responses! They were very helpful! I’ll definitely need to talk to a priest to get the details ironed out, but now, I have an idea of what to expect.
Post # 7
Quick warning: Some parishes require you not to live together during your engagement. The priest will tell you if that’s the rule at the church you are considering, so you can make a decision on how to proceed if that’s a deal breaker for you.