Post # 1
I just wanted to start off saying that I love my FI and the way he looks. BUT he has gained a lot of weight. I’m not a small person either, but i dont think im that overweight. i’m in the process of losing weight now (i have already lost 6 lbs..yay!). He says he wants to, but when the time comes to actually do it, he doesnt. And if I cook healthier he thinks he can eat more, he loves food. Which is fine, but he thinks just because hes not full that he has to eat more. And he is a nighttime eater, ohh man…he loves his cereal at night.
Before I met him, he got in a terrible car wreck, he was in the hospital for 3 weeks and lost 60 pounds. Well he weighed about 220 when i met him, which isnt that bad (yes ik still overweight) but he just kept gaining, and I started gaining because i was getting used to the way he ate. Well we have been to gether for about 2 and a half years, I gained 20 pounds and he gained 65!! When he stepped on the scale it was almost 300 pounds i got scared! I want him to lose weight because I dont want to lose him, I want us to be healthy. It just so hard to get him going, he has no motavition.
We have tried joining the gym, but we were so tired all the time, we wouldnt get home from the gym til 12:30, and then have to take a shower and let the dogs out, we didnt get to bed til almost 2 and have to wake up at 6. So i bought Jillian Micheals Body Revoulation, because he said only 30 minutes a day would be easy…well that lasted 2 days. I enjoyed doing her videos. But i cant work out in front of him if hes not doing it with me.
I just want us to be healthier together, but I’m so worried about him. Has any had this problem with their loved one? What should I say that will get him going??
Post # 3
Hi – I don’t believe you can “get” him or anyone else to lose weight. It has to come from inside. Long term weight loss requires a change in life style, not just a short term diet.
He will lose weight when he is ready.
Post # 4
@peanuthead: I know i cant get him to, but he needs to. maybe if i sit down and tell him being overweight is really going to hurt him soon. Hopefully that will get him started. UGH
Post # 5
Maybe if you two can start walking together he would be interested. I’m not a big work out video girl but I love going on walks and have now started running and it’s amazing. I am super lazy and my fiance just kept encouraging me to get up and go with him and that he kept telling me that he would really love to do this together. I finally got up one day and did it and never stopped, I think thats the hardest part, not stopping. Just keep encouraging him in a loving way, that it could be a hobby you two do together. Find out what works for him when it comes to losing weight. As for the night time eating, my fiance does this all the time. Drives me crazy, he’ll eat a bowl of ice cream right before bed, I don’t get it. So I gave him an article about how eating sugar right before bed messes up your sleep (he sleeps terribly). He hasn’t completely stopped the eating right before bed but it’s gotten a lot better.
Congrats on the 6 pounds, that’s so exciting! And good luck!
Post # 6
Not sure if this would help him at all but maybe seeing a doctor about his weight would shock him into reality, would a health scare help him?
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Men do really well on the Atkins Diet typically, because it is so meat-centered. Have you ever tried to get him to do a diet like that?
Even food-lovers who can eat until they can’t move will be full on Atkins with just eating a bit.
Post # 8
@s.renea9: I think you should focus less on the weight part, and more on just getting healthier. It’s tough for everyone to find time to work out…but it can happen. If he doesn’t like the video’s, maybe you guys can take up the couch to 5k program? Or find a sport that you both like. My FI and I played an hour of tennis yesterday and it is such a great workout.
But in the end, it’s his decision. You can cook healthy meals and suggest different activities, but you can’t force him to make the changes.
Post # 9
i agree with Birdee106. Take walks together. Me and FI started doing this after dinner everynight and he’s lost almost 23 lbs 🙂 Also a good motivator is making it a competition between you guys. we did this with another couple a little while back, the losers would have to pay for a trip for the other person, but you could do something like having to do dishes for a week or whatever you can think of! i know my FI really responeded when i was kicking his butt at the whole weight loss deal!!
Post # 10
Unfortunately, as a personal trainer, I can tell you that you can’t get anyone to lose weight. They have to WANT to do it themselves. This is the hardest thing about training.
I currently, have a couple as clients. The husband pays for it, the wife is the one who needs it! She has gained 10lbs while I have been working with her. She doesn’t want to do it and she eats as a rebelion against her husband, because he is always pushing her.
The best thing for you to do is to focus on yourself. You keep doing what you are doing. Congrats on the 6 lbs that is wonderful. You eat healthy, you exercise and start telling him how great you are feeling. Celebrate your mini goals. Hopefully your success will help him to want to do it for himself.
Post # 11
I’ve struggled with this for 6.5 years! I love my DH dearly, but he has gained a lot of weight over the years as well. I want him to lose weight for health reasons, but like PP said he has to want to. I can’t make him. I can make healthier meals, but if he doesn’t control HOW much he eats and getting his lazy butt off the sofa that is all I can do. We can’t be with our SOs 24 hours a day to make sure they eat right so if they don’t make the conscious decision that they want to change there’s nothing we can do.
We used to belong to a gym and I would have to force him to go with me. It would take AN HOUR to get him to leave the house and after about a year of no weight loss I gave up. Working out with me was one thing, but if the next day he has an egg mcmuffin for breakfast and a double double for lunch with fries and an afternoon snack of chips then the exercise isn’t really going to do much.
Post # 12
@Birdee106: Yes he wants to do walks, but after he gets home from work hes too tired. But I think I can get him to do it, We have a pitbul would needs to get out of our apartment more, so maybe that can be our excuse. lol
@Miss Eagle: I’ll have to look into the Atkins. And he loves meat, so maybe that will work for him.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
He has to decide it’s what he wants to do. All you can do is be supportive of his healthy habits, and unsupportive of the unhealthy ones.
You mention that you’ve got dogs– now that it’s summer time, why don’t you take them for walks together in the evening?
Post # 14
@MrsN23: I like that idea! thank you
@yellowshoe: Yes the afternoon snacking is what I’m worried about. Hes a mechanic, so hes outside all day. SO he has to be able to eat snacks that he can grab really quick. Plus his hands are alwyas dirty, so its hard to find him stuff to eat.
Post # 15
You can’t “get” someone to lose weight, you can just help them once they’re there. And it is a highly personal decision. Taking FI to a doctor may get his attention for a short while, but you’re talking about major lifestyle changes that need to happen in order to lose a lot of weight and keep it off. And that takes personal commitment. You really have to want to do it.
All I can suggest is make a healthy lifestyle plan for yourself. See a dietitian to get some recommendations for proper nutrition— your comment about him feeling hungry and thinking he needs to eat more shows that no matter how healthy you think you are cooking, it’s not a proper diet, because a proper healthy diet makes your body feel full and satisfied without leaving you hungry. Go ahead with your healthy lifestyle, and let him come along if he wants, but you have to do it for you. Maybe that will be an inspiration to him, and he’ll join you.
FWIW I think it is perfectly OK to tell him how his weight gain makes you feel, but you must be very careful with your choice in words. You should make it be about how his weight actually impacts you and not about superficial things— like if you’re worried he may become diabetic, it’s perfectly fine to say that (as long as you word it properly) but you really should not say you’re not happy with his appearance.
Post # 16
Does he eat breakfast? Can you pack him lunches? Do you do the shopping and cooking?
My dh has gained 43lbs since we started dating. It came on quickly when we changed our lifestyle after we had a baby and he got a really good job. Drinking had always equaled dancing which equaled staying thin.
He wants to lose but lacks willpower like no ones business. He caves to peer pressure to eat like crap at work. He is the gopher for some reason so I complain about money for gas and how much food costs and blah blah blah instead of WHAT he is eating. I finally found something he will eat for breakfast that he has to eat instead of “forgetting” it in his truck. Those Milk and cereal bars that have to be refrigerated. If I get my bum up before he leaves I can hand him his lunch so eating out isn’t as tempting. I also make all of our dinners and I make everyone’s plates and put left overs away immediately and claim them for daycare. I have an ice cream junkie so I “forget” to buy his icecream and buy skinny cow versions, guess what? He loves it. Even if he eats 2 he is cutting back compared to 2 regular treats. I’m sneaky ; )
I also flat out tell him that I want to enjoy being old together and I refuse to lose him within 20 years because he didn’t take care of himself. I am also completely honest about how he looks. He is honest with me therefor I am with him. Sometimes the truth hurts but if it keeps us healthy and together longer then bring it on!
I know I have little advice, good luck!