How do I get over the fact that I couldn't enjoy my perfect wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

@Bainise2013:  You will laugh at these stories later; your sister and her boobs popping out of the dress, your drunk friend, the case of the missing bouquet. And you’ll remember how strong you were, determined to have a good time with the love of your life, despite your personal pain and struggles–perhaps a fitting metaphor for the beginning of your marriage.

I know it’s hard to look at it with very fresh emotions, but give it time and it will come to be the perfect wedding–because it was yours.

And, if a little rushing, tight dresses and missing flowers are all you have to worry about, you are quite blessed. But I do wish you well on with your health.

Post # 4
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sorry that your wedding was disappointing. But I think the only way to get over it is to remember that nothing in life is ever perfect. Things won’t always work our the way you plan; life has a way of getting in the way.

But you have a choice now. You can choose to remember the bad parts most, or you can choose to focus on the wonderful things that happened that day. Your loving husband, your amazing priest, your friends who were there to love and support you. When you feel down, look back on that list of beautiful things that happened and tell yourself that all of those are more important than the things that went wrong.

Cultivating a positive attitude and learning to focus on what went right instead of what went wrong will be an important skill that will serve you for the rest of your life. Life can be tough – some day, your husband might act like a jerk for a moment, your kids will throw a tantrum on an important day, your house renovation will get delayed… Nothing is ever truly perfect, despite the best laid plans. But learning to reframe your memories to focus on the positive will help you get over those things and appreciate the things that really matter.

Post # 6
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Also, don’t be fooled into thinking that other people have perfect weddings. I say that my wedding was perfect, but if I try, I can pick out lots of things that went wrong. My man of honor wore a striped undershirt that showed through his white dress shirt and looked silly, my moms corsage fell apart, the florist put blue flowers in the bouquets that were supposed to be just pink and white, the last dance we had planned kept getting interrupted by people hugging us goodbye, a friend of mine rudely cut in on the dance I’d planned to have with my mom, our top tier of cake got left in someone’s car all weekend and had to be thrown out. But when someone asks how my wedding was, I don’t tell them all that. I just say, it was perfect! Because to me, it was. I remember the wonderful moments so much more than the imperfect ones. Try to do that. 

Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That sucks! I hate, hate, hate UTIs and they love me. I popped preventative AZO standard the whole week of.My story is not nearly so painful but, I hear you about feeling like you missed out on your perfect day. I didn’t sleep properly, eat properly etc the final two plus weeks before the wedding. The week of I had off of work and I spent it dealing with so many problems…snafu with the inn many guests were staying at (I sourced and paid for housing elsewhere for several important guests), unexpected large costs and miscommunication about them with MIL, bizarre water line stoppage at venue (family property) etc etc etc, so much stuff. Our wedding was several states over and very DIY, my DH was wrapping up a very busy work week at home and didn’t arrive until the rehearsal dinner, and other family was dealing with this water problem and so in addition to helping with that I did a lot with very few extra hands, including hauling 200 metal folding chairs with tables from the town hall. I spent the morning of the wedding sorting out the seating…in the end it didn’t get finished (it had been dependent on some stuff that came from home with DH but in the craziness had not gotten delivered to me). Got dressed, barely glancing at myself, was stressed to the max, crying and hyperventilating at the last minute, I would have loved to have some relaxed, excited and precious moments with family and BMs before it all but it didn’t happen, instead I basically had a tantrum. The rest of the night was great but went so fast, with barely enough time. The first thing I noticed when we got our pro pics back was that in pics if I wasn’t smiling broadly you could see how utterly exhausted I was, like face sagging. Really I was so tired that in the weeks after all I could do was sleep and several autoimmune problems I have had in the past came back in full force. I spent a year on the wedding and not only do I feel I missed a lot of it but also a lot of special projects for the wedding didn’t happen even though they were all completed and ready to go because I was literally so busy (like I would get three missed calls and four texts while on the phone for two minutes). Because I did EVERYTHING I was everybody’s point pesron for questions etc. i tried to explain to others how to set some stuff up but literally didn’t even have the time to communicate everything.This pisses me off, I am an artist and the wedding felt like the best project I had ever had but things got in the way at the end. I know it doesn’t matter one bit but I still get sad about it.  Like yours, our wedding keeps being praised and has affected changes in a few people including my best friend leaving NY to move closer!  I am really glad about this but feel jealous that they got to truly experience my wedding. Here are the rules I have made for myself.  1. I remind myself that the day flys by and even if they aren’t in pain or completly physically exhausted most brides feel like they missed out on a lot of their perfect day. 2. They best weddings are a celebration of all the people in the bride and grooms lives. So the next wedding you get to attend, let the specialness wash over YOU. 3. Make more magical, special and ceremonial moments happen between DH and you, and since I have a non dancer husband too definitely work on getting him to dance, like on a fancy cruise for your anniversary where the emcee can announce it to the crowd. 4. Throw more parties and invite all your nearest and dearest, then enjoy how these parties make those nearest and dearest reminise about your wedding. 4. Get super excited for that 10yr anniversary soiree! 5. In my case, I felt like I had to much to do, so now every friend, acquaintance I find is getting married, I offer to help out the day of. No other bride will feel this stressed on my watch. 

I feel for you , I hope the docs figure out a longterm solution for you and really hope that this feeling fades…I am thinking a vow renewal is in your future, something intimate and really special that you can truly enjoy, complete with redo honeymoon.

Post # 8
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am really sorry. That definitely does suck. One thing I’ve tried to remember, since I have problems with anxiety and know I may not get to enjoy my wedding fully due to that: At the end of the day, a big part of the wedding is for the guests. And it seems like your guests loved your wedding. A lot of good, happy things have come to them because of it. And a lot of good, happy things have come to you: You’re now married to a wonderful man.

Because of your guests having a good time, your investment is not wasted. Because of your happy marriage, the effort was not wasted. And you know, nothing will stop you from having a kick-ass vow renewal down the road. You can even wear your dress and invite all your guests to a barbecue, and dance the night away. The idea is to give yourself other things in life to look forward to, and other moments to shine. Some, like weddings, are generally a given, but some you make yourself. And those can be just as good.

 

Post # 9
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

this sucks and right now the memory of the pain it was too fresh. however, i think it’ll develop into the funniest story ever to tell your kids and grandkids!

“my bladder was killing me and your aunts’ boobs wer epopping out of her dress” is a far more interesting and funnier story than “my wedding day was so perfect, kids!”

 

Post # 10
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry for your medical issues. I hope you’re able to look back on your wedding and remember the good parts.

Post # 14
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Bainise2013:  the post wedding blues is something I’ve heard many people talk about on here. You should try searching posts for other bees going through that whole “the wedding is over” depression. I’m sure you can find some stories and responses to help you out.

I haven’t gotten married yet but I know I’ll have to be careful to not get so consumed in the wedding planning that it leaves me depressed when it’s over. I’m sorry you had such issues on your day, but it does sound like your wedding went the way you wanted, minus the beginning and your pain. Maybe try taking solace in that? *hugs*

Post # 15
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honestly? I think you need to stop using or believing in the word perfect.  The sooner you accept that nothing is *actually* just naturally perfect and it only is what YOU decide to make of it,  you will be happier.

A lot of people who talk about their perfect weddings don’t mean that it went off without a hitch… They just meant that they are weighing the good with the bad and deciding to let the good outshine anything bad.

I am sorry to hear that you were in pain and emotional, but now YOU are choosing to ruin the newlywed period by focusing on the bad.  Your choice!  

Hugs.

 

Post # 16
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Bainise2013:  

Many people have things go wrong (tight dresses, misplaced items, rushing, etc.) it’s a crazy, crazy day and we try to jam pack so much into the day. Many people don’t have a chance to sit down and relax on their wedding day. My mom has always said her feet were sore for over a week after her wedding day. My grandparents spent their ENTIRE reception in a receiving line because they had 600+ guests (that their parents invited).

Overall, I think you will be able to look back and remember the nice parts of the day (the ceremony, your husband, your kind friend).

I have had a UTI and I cannot imagine having had that happen on my wedding day. That really, really sucks 🙁 But, it is what it is. I know people who were vomitting on their wedding day with the flu. Another girl I know mother passed away in a car accident on the way to the wedding Frown. That wedding had to be rescheduled, and I’m sure it was never the same for her. Weddings are just like any other day, bad things can happen and we hope that they won’t but they can. I’m sorry that you had an infection, hopefully you can find a way to remember all the nice parts of your wedding day. Don’t hold onto the negative things, you can’t do anything about it now expect change how you view your wedding day. 

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