- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I had felt quite sore the two days before my wedding, but assumed it was stress and that I would be fine on the day. I have intertistial cystitis (controlled), so assumed it was acting up from the stress, and would soon be gone. I was wrong.
I was sore in the morning, but it went along smoothly until we all stopped for breakfast at 11. This was a mistake, as MUA said that was fine. However, in hindsight we lost valuable time. She even arrived 30 minutes earlier than usual so that we would have extra time, as I had been told by *many* brides that their biggest regret was not leaving enough time for hair and makeup. At 1 p.m. the florist arrived with bouquets and all seemed okay. Then at 2.15 we realised that the florist had only given us two bouquets so we had to phone the wedding planner in a panic about the third bouquet. Then, my sister’s dress was too small. I was called into the room where she was panicking and hyperventilating. The dress was way too small on the breasts and she was freaking out saying she could not breathe. She had told the tailor to make it tighter, tighter, tighter every time she saw her. Then she never went to her final fitting. So yeah…
Shortly after this my other bridesmaid lost her adaptor, which she needed to finish pumping breast milk. Next, bridesmaid 2 got annoyed at other bridesmaid for rifling through her stuff looking for the adaptor. Then, MUA wanted to do more stuff with me. Anyway, it was utter chaos. The missing bouquet and the too small dress were total nightmares. Then the photographers arrived and that was yet more stress to be honest, as I was still dealing with my sister. I finally got my bff to get me into my dress, and I never even got to stand and admire myself in the mirror, which now makes me so very sad. I also never got to double-check my hair or makeup, and I now wish hair had been slightly different. More curl in my hair and NOT a centre parting.
While all of this HELL was going on, a very close friend of mine came to collect a bag I had left out for her. I burst into tears and she was so nice. By this stage, I was even crying about closing my suitcase. Plus I had promised to only be 10 minutes late (3 p.m. ceremony) and I knew we were way beyond that. So I was so upset and she talked me though it. She then closed my suitcase. It was messy as it had too had been rifled through for God knows what. Basically, bridesmaid 1 had to keep going back to her idiot husband (he is not a nice man) like he was a baby; sister is who she is; and my other bridesmaid was the only one who helped me. Yet even she was stressed by the end! Incidentally, I met up with another bride this week who said she had spent the last hour before the ceremony relaxing and sipping champers with her friends. That’s what mine was supposed to be like. So sad I missed out on that… I could definitely get over that if the other stuff I am going to go into hadn’t happened. However, I am still upset about the chaos of the last hour. Nobody was thinking about me, that’s for sure! In fact, one of the bdsmaids sent me an email the next day talking about how selfless I was. Well, not like my bdsmaids were able to help me out. I likely would have ruined my entire makeup by crying if not for my close friend who came to collect the bag.
At 3.20 we rushed out of apartment – all the while my sister was asking me about pinning a stupid flower to the dress to cover her chest. My amazing brother then tried to calm me down and basically said to ignore her drama as that day should have been about me. I then kept begging him to tell me the time, and he kept saying it was fine. He finally told me it was 3.20. I was so upset about being late and was so rushed that I didn’t even notice till I looked at photos that my beautiful brother was holding my hand the whole way down the aisle. I did not even get to admire the flowers or any of that either. I was just so upset about being late for FI because I am a very punctual and organised person. Wedding planner kept saying that there was a very nervous and excited groom waiting, which did at least make me smile.
Before I knew it was walking up the aisle. I didn’t even have time to drink in the ceremony walk, the music or anything, as I was still stressed and stunned from the hideous chaos of the hour before. DH said I was practically hyperventilating by the time I got to the top to meet him. He then rubbed my back to soothe me, but I have no memory of that bit. I do recall him telling me that the dress was amazing though.
Thank the LORD in heaven though that I had an amazing ceremony. The music was stunning and the hard work of picking the perfect readings and prayers was evident. Then saying our vows, putting the rings on and being declared married was so emotional. DH kept winking at me throughout the ceremony as he always does. We also held hands a lot. When the priest said we were married, he picked me up and kissed me not once but twice. It was extremely romantic. The priest then laughingly said, “I never said you could kiss the bride, and you’ve already kissed her twice “. He was a total dote! When he opened the box he looked at my ring and commented, “Oh, quite wonderful “, as my wedding band has rubies and diamonds on it. Then, after communion he finished up the wine and told us, “I have to finish it because it is consecrated, but I like wine“. After we were declared married he told us to turn and face our guests as a married couple and everyone clapped. There was also a really funny bit where DH’s drunk father was in a daze and had to be poked by DH’s friend to get up to do his communion gifts. I was singing along to the songs throughout and cannot explain how happy I felt. The ceremony was really, truly, 110% perfect and way beyond my expectations.
We later found out that this priest loves weddings in general, but that he found ours particularly emotional as I was so religious and had put so much thought into it.
After this, we stood outside and chatted a bit with guests. Then the photographers took us off around the venue for only a short time though, like 45 mins! We then came into the garden and sat with guests who were eating canapés and drinking.
Then they brought us in as Mr. and Mrs for dinner at 7. We even had higher chairs than everyone else, like king and queen. Then we had the speeches. DH’s speech even talked about how much he loved me. Then we had a beautiful dinner.
Unfortunately half way through the meal the bladder soreness that I had been experiencing turned into full blown agony. I popped some codeine, which as you all know is a very strong drug. However it did not work *at all*.
I was then in agony throughout the rest of the night. I did not want to tell my guests as didn’t want to ruin the amazing wedding, where all my plans (aside from getting ready!) had gone perfectly. So I only told a very close aunt of mine, who was the one who gave me the codeine. Also, because I was wearing a wedding dress I couldn’t go to the toilet every 10 mins the way I wanted to, which of course made the pain worse. The only time I forgot the pain was during the ceremony (adrenaline is a natural painkiller), in the garden, during the first dance, during the cake cutting and during a very funny after hour’s incident from 4.30-7.00 a.m.
Basically my friend got insanely drunk, and acted the way she does around me. She let off the handbrake completely and shocked everyone. It was freaking hilarious and helped me forget my pain a lot, so that was excellent. She was also insanely off her head, which meant she wanted to do things she should not have been doing. So instead of going to bed at 5 or 6 as is typical at my country’s weddings, we only went to bed at 7 a.m.! Then it took DH 30 mins to sort my dress, as nobody had taught to show him out to undo a corset! I only got to bed at 7.30 and it was 8.30 before I fell asleep. Before he took off the dress DH told me that I looked amazing all day, like a princess; that I was his princess. That was the point where I realised that I had never even looked in the full length mirror till then. The next morning I sobbed in his arms about how my wedding day had been ruined by being in hideous pain. Happy marriage to us!
Our wedding has had an amazing impact on so many people since. DH’s party boy commitment phobic brother has changed and says he wants to settle down now!! And pretty much all our guests came up to us telling us it was the best wedding ever. They loved the scenery, the ceremony, the funny priest, the romance of the ceremony, the food and massive portions, the cake, the cake topper, the amazing band who literally danced with everyone etc. My bff has also changed as a result of the wedding. It is crazy, but something magical happened with these people! It was not just a one day wedding though; it was actually a 3/4 day wedding for most people due to pre and post wedding events. And I was in pain or full blown agony for most of it!
I couldn’t concentrate and enjoy the wedding evening and soak in every moment as I had planned to to-do, as I was in agony. Even dancing hurt SO bad, despite the fact that the band danced with everyone and were so much fun! Plus, everyone wants to dance with the bride. I hardly ever get to dance with DH too, yet I could not enjoy it when I finally got the chance (DH only dances when drunk!).
I am broken hearted and have cried so much about it. I am a romantic and had dreamed of this day my whole life. I was finally happy and healthy after years of ill health and then this had to happen. I will never get that day back, and feel extremely bereaved. That is the only word I can use to describe it. I spent so long planning the prefect wedding. DH keeps telling me it was perfect for everyone, and yes it was. People say they cried seeing me; one atheist took communion because she was so moved by the ceremony; people were ecstatic about the food and cake and the amazing band. However I could not soak up every moment as I was constantly trying to distract myself from the pain. And I will never have it again. I am so upset that I have cried most days about it since. I am not excited about having kids, so when will I get my fairytale moment again?
On the Saturday after the wedding I went to an idiotic doctor (it was a destination wedding) who refused to even test my urine (WTF?). And so I had to struggle on. I knew I was very ill but I was just at nothing with him. I will never forget it. By the time I got on the plane for the long hail flight to our honeymmon, I was crying and melting down because I couldn’t use a bathroom. DH kept telling me I could use one on the plane but I was irrational. The extremely nice airhostess calmed me down and commiserated on their stupid healthcare system. I also developed extreme urine retention, which as anyone who has ever had a UTI knows means that things are very bad.
Finally when we reached our destination we went to see a competent medical doctor! He tested me and told me that I had a very bad infection. This did not surprise me at all. In fact he had to give me an injection on top of other meds. He was pretty disgusted that other doc refused to test my urine, given my symptoms, pain and history. Also given the fact that there was blood in my urine and untreated UTIs have led to kidney infections in me.
I feel so sad when everyone else talks about their perfect day and can imagine myself sobbing at the next wedding I go to, watching the couple have the perfect day I will never have now. In a bizarre coincidence, a lady who DH plays with on a sports team got married the day before us and she and her hubby are basically doing the same honeymoon as us too. So we met them for drinks, and hearing about her perfect day made me so sad.
Finally, it of course took a few days for meds to work so I was in a lot of pain for the first week of the honeymoon.
Hard to believe that this is real. I actually am that bride who couldn’t enjoy her day. The one whose wedding was ruined. I keep thinking of Charlotte’s bad wedding day in SATC, but alas that is fiction.
I know a wedding is not a marriage, but I wanted the fairytale after all my hard work, and the joy of marrying DH. So I am not nterested in comments about how the wedding day shouldn’t matter. I spent so long planning the perfect day, and it was perfect. I just could not enjoy the perfection, which hurts so much. 🙁
I will be seeing a specialist when I go home and trying a new dietary regime too, as this is not the first time a UTI has ruined my plans. I actually developed intertisital cystitis as a result of a series of UTIs. 🙁